Older and Wiser

Sitting on an airplane, feeling very happy…thinking about my life, my past, my future. Thinking about this baby growing inside me and the things this new life will bring me, my family – my husband, my girls. All of the opportunities we will have to grow as a family and raise this child surrounded by love and happiness. Everything will be so different this time.

I loved my girls from the moment I knew they were on the way, but I was surrounded by insurmountable, paralyzing fear. I was so young, so poor, and most of the time alone. My husband was working and going to school full time – I was for all intensive purposes, alone. It was hard. Life was hard. Although all life is hard, that one seemed especially so.

This time around I am older, and hopefully wiser. I am open to the fact that I don’t know everything. I make mistakes, and that is okay. I don’t have to be the perfect mother – I just have to do my best. I have to stay calm, loving, and remain focused on my whole family – not just the new baby. I understand the importance of nourishing my marriage so that it continues to grow. I understand how important it is to still have individual relationships with my girls – not let them get swallowed up in the excitement of a new baby.

Older, wiser, smarter – but still a little scared. I think that is natural. Anyone who thinks they have all of this all figured out is simply fooling themselves. I cannot imagine embarking on an adventure like this and not being a little overwhelmed. Who wouldn’t?