The week was a blur. And absolute blur – filled with babies and babies and babies and – you get the idea I am sure. My husband came home from his out of town adventure yesterday and it has been pure bliss ever since. I only have to carry one squirming toddler. I only have to feed one screaming little man. I only have to bath and change and torture one tiny people. It is easy. At least in comparison to taking care of both of them all of the time. One – is easy. Go ahead mothers of one. Get mad. I can hear you now - "I know she didn't just say THAT" Well - I did just say it. And I will continue to say it. It is a matter of perspective, sure. But from my perspective - one - is easy.


So Tired

5:00am – Rudely awoken by Roark who needs someone to find his paci. Find said evil rubber sucking thing, lay him back down in his bed and decide to take a shower.

6:00am – En route to take dogs out and feed them, hear Cole screeching in his bed and go get him. Feed dogs and change Cole’s diaper. Put him in his high chair and give him cheerios.

6:25am – Wake Mr. 5am up and change him. Put him in his high chair and give him cheerios as well.

6:45am – Wake up girls and try to coax them out of bed. Then make eggs and toast for the boys and begin singing stupid songs in an effort to get them to eat.

7:15am – Hand babies off Grammy and finish getting ready.

7:30am – Round up the girls and head out for school/work. Stop by Einstein’s for a bagel for the girls, and Starbucks for a cinnamon chi tea latte for Cassie. Then fill up car with gas ($81.00 for 27 gallons – dear god, help me).

8:00am – Call into conference call while dropping girls off at school.

8:30am – Arrive at work, continue string of meetings which will last until 3:00.

3:00pm – Run out to Babies R Us for world’s most expensive baby gates in order to keep boys corralled and semi-safe.

3:35pm – Continue with meetings until I can take no more.

5:05pm – Bolt from work and sit in traffic for 20 minutes.

5:30pm – Get home, carry screaming babies upstairs (all 40 freaking pounds of them) and change clothes. Balance cooking dinner and chasing boys – end up with both crying and whining for food.

6:00pm – Sit down to dinner only to have both babies demand my meal instead of the one prepared for them. Give them what they want – because who am I to deprive babies of BBQ chicken and black beans and rice. Spicy food be damned – they wanted it!

6:40pm – Somehow manage to clean up kitchen and put away food items. Lock self and boys in bathroom in order to bathe them. What a joke this turned out to be. Toddlers like to play with toilet paper (don’t “no duh” me) – a lot! Say NO more times than I would have thought possible in 15 minutes and finally manage to get both kids clean and dressed for bed.

7:00pm – Try to watch American Idol, and end up chasing babies around the living room instead.

8:00pm – Try to watch House, and end up chasing babies around the living room instead. Roark finally fell asleep while playing at 8:45. Cole passed out at 9. It is now 9:45 and I am just starting to finish working so I can get to sleep by 11 and start all over again tomorrow. My husband is NEVER allowed to go out of town again. This is hard people!!!!!

A Song for the Crazies

Eggy, eggy biiiiitttteee. Eggy-bite, eggy-bite, eggy-bite!
Toasty, toasty biiiiitttteee. Toasty-bite, toasty-bite, toasty-bite!
Drinky, drinky, driiiiiiinnnnk. Drinky-drink, drinky-drink, drinky drink!

And that is how I start my day… singing crazy-ass songs to babies in an attempt to get them to eat.


Fat and Crazy

Work is insane.

Mondays are the worst.

This Monday is the craziest of all.

The second I walked into the office this morning there were 500 bazillion escalations to deal with. Anything that could have gone wrong over a weekend, had managed to do so, and I was immediately pulled into 30 different meetings to sort things out. Add to this fun the fact that we are trying to get our groups financials ready for month close, and you have one insane me! I am not financially literate, so monthly financials are painful for me. I really hate this time of the month. A lot.

I didn’t run today. I wanted to, but had freaking meetings all day long and have to leave at 3 to get my girls, so no running for me – unless I go tonight after I feed the boys, which although possible, doesn’t sound very fun. I should go though. I tried on my bathing suit yesterday and HOLY COW – I looked like a – cow. Hate such little clothing. And Mexico is right around the corner. I wish I was as small as I was 2 summers ago (and can you believe I still thought I was fat?) If I could get ahold of the me back then, I would kick myself in the shins for being so stupid. I was in fantastic shape. All of my clothes fit. Now, not so much... sigh.



Roark and Cole crawl. A lot. And our days consist of chasing them down, picking them up, and depositing them somewhere semi-safe. This as opposed to the fireplace, on the kitchen tile with a ceramic bowl of dog water, at the bottom of the stairs, or against the DVD rack which we have yet to get rid of. And when we are not rounding them up, we are standing beside, behind or in front of them with our arms dangling, ready to catch them when they fall. And they DO fall. A lot. They are also cruising now – which amounts to swaying dangerously from side to side as they scoot along furniture – all for the purpose of giving me a damn heart attack. I think they like that aspect of it best.

I bet you are wondering how the whole going-to-bed thing is going… Ha. Ha, Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Because, they suck at going to bed. SUCK, I tell you. It tends to go a little like this: We put them down for a nap, or to bed for the night (like hell) and they proceed to stand up in bed, throw their heads back and wail like they have beaten. And, they scream and cry and jump until we try to lay them down. It is at this time that they kick their legs and pound their tiny fists into the mattress yelling at us, which is of course followed by them standing up, throwing their heads back, and screaming. Do you see a pattern here? This can go on for a good hour. Sometimes they will go to sleep – more often we will end up picking one up, bringing him into our bed, and letting him fall asleep with us. Because – we are wimps. We are not capable of sleep training someone in a coma for god’s sake. How did we end up as parents??? We are such damn marshmallows that the sound of crying breaks our hearts and we cave. The only ones crying it out here are the adults – because the kids won’t sleep!

My husband is going to be out of town all week – so this one will be particularly hellish for me. Up at 5:30, shower and dry hair. Get boys up at 6 and feed them. Finish getting ready at 7 and leave for work by 7:30. Try to run at lunch. Home by 5:45 to get dinner ready for the boys. Feed them by 6. Cook dinner. Eat while chasing them down. Give them a bath and play until 8. Give them a bottle, and start bedtime routine (above). Finally get to sleep by 11 and start all over the next day. Oh joy. I really cannot wait for tomorrow to get here.


My Blog

One of the journals I read a lot, So Close, asked readers to announce a little about their own journals - here is how I described this blog... I am not sure how to describe it, because I have no writing style, I am a bit inconsistent in my writing, and I love using horrible punctuation. So, there is that.

Loss of Memory


Chronicles of a corporate over-achiever, part-time mother to 2 teenage daughters, and mother of twin toddler boys, who likes to run, tell stupid jokes, and worries too much about the little things.

Typical writing style of someone who doesn’t have a lot of time to write. This is typified by an obvious lack of proper punctuation and fancy words.


Text Messaging Killed the Parents

Number of text messages on daughter’s last month cellular account: 4,927
Amount for above said messages: $ 405.10
Look of anger on parents’ faces: priceless

Here is the proof, and my god it is painful:

Summary ofWireless Data Msg/KB/MinIncludedIn Plan Msg/KB/Min Used BilledMsg/KB/Min BilledRate TotalCharge

Text Messaging Incoming 1,966 1,831 0.10 183.10
Text Messaging Out 2,335 2,220 0.10 222.00

Subtotal $405.10

Our daughter managed to text 4,927 times last month. How you ask? We have NO IDEA! We called Cingular to see if they have an unlimited texting package – and they do not. However they were truly baffled by the amount of texting she uses. They have never heard of such a thing. It reminds me of that commercial where the kid is talking and talking and talking and talking – for like, forever. That is my daughter with texting. She has a talent brewing – albeit one that may get her killed by her parents – but a talent nonetheless. She was actually able to fire off at least 3 messages within a minute! See? Talent.


A real instant messanger meeting from earlier today:

I said at 5:12PM:
Is there an invoice meeting tomorrow?

Coworker said at 5:13PM:
Yes - at 3pm. Do you want me to add you?

I said at 5:13PM:
Yes please

Coworker said at 5:13PM:
Sure about that?

I said at 5:17PM:
That I want to go? I think I should.

Coworker said at 5:17PM:
Just making sure. They are tame so far except for the FTEs.

I said at 5:18PM:
Oh, I don't intend to say anything mind you.

Coworker said at 5:18PM:
If you attend, you must speak

I said at 5:19PM:
You cant make me. If I have to speak, I get to pick what I say - and I will sing "I am Henry the Eighth I am" for the whole hour...you really don't want to hear me sing - and you DON'T want me singing that!!!


Eating and Sleeping - not where they are vikings.

So how are we doing in the Land of Twins?

Our mornings are still crazy. Our nights are still crazy. And our weekends wear us out. But I say with all sincerity that things are more fun. The boys are funny and silly. They are standing and trying to walk holding on to things. They are playing and interacting with each other more every day. They laugh a lot. Most things are better…a few however are not improving – such as sleep and eating.

We decided a few weeks ago that they needed a real schedule. We had been putting them to bed when tired, feeding them when hungry…and they both kind of did their own thing. And it was wearing me down. So we started waking them up at 6am and feeding them breakfast. Followed by play time and then a snack around 9. Then came nap #1. This was followed by play time and lunch at noon. Then more playtime (or a walk) and then a snack around 2 or 3 followed by nap #2. For the most part that scheduled has worked pretty well. Except now I think they are sleeping too much because we can’t get the monsters to bed at a decent time anymore. Last night at 9:00 we were both trying to get them to settle down and sleep…and they put up the worst fight. So now I wonder when we should try to cut out nap number 2. And also, how do make a sleepy kid stay awake – because Cole fell asleep during freaking breakfast this morning. When did you go to one nap a day, and how on earth did you do it? Did a schedule work for you at all?

And now on to food… They eat most things we eat now. Sort of. They actually try most things we eat and then yell at us and do a horrible job of eating. We give them the toddler meals and they do OK, but not great. They will eat grilled cheese or Canadian bacon many days, but that is touch-and-go too. They are just not the best eaters. You never know when they will eat and when they will simply scream through a meal. Why is this not an exact science people? One day for breakfast they will eat eggs. The very next day I make them eggs and they act like I have poisoned them. I don’t understand. Breakfast is the worst of the meals, and the one with the least variety. We have tried oatmeal, cream of wheat, pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast and fruit. They always like the cheerios but they hardly make a meal of them. Cream of wheat was a disaster (although I liked it). Oatmeal is ok for a few bites and then they start spitting it all over the place. Toast is a favorite, but all carbs seems like a bad idea. I have put peanut butter on it hoping to add some nutritional value – but I doubt that keeps them full very long. I dread meals. I seriously do. Any ideas for the picky toddler????

So to recap: Babies are good. Most of the time they are fun. But they suck at sleeping and eating.


I need an extra day off

I am embarking on another round of no carbs. 5 weeks until Mexico and my body is nowhere NEAR the shape I want it in. I blame me. And that crap food we have in the house. And the alcohol. And holidays. And my lack of self control. Although I would love to blame someone else. Any takers?

Oh, the alcohol… Let’s talk about the drinking… Friday evening we went out to dinner and ended up having a bottle of wine. After we got home we opened another one – because we are idiots and thought we were somehow impervious to the effects of the wine. And by the way – we were not. We followed up bottle #2 with a beer each, because we are super stupid. We of course awoke with the worst fucking headache EVER and had to endure all day with complainy babies. I snuck off to bed every chance I got, and went to bed for the night at 8:30 and it barely came soon enough. I started watching the clock at noon counting down to bedtime. I am a bad mom. I still don’t know how I survived the pain. I think I may have even uttered the famous (but always a lie) “I will never drink again” however there are no witnesses, so there.

Today we went to dinner with family and of course I ate things I shouldn’t have, and way too much of them at that. So now I am sitting here feeling like I weigh 435 pounds. Maybe even 450 – hard to tell at the moment. Stupid carrot cake. And macaroni. And rolls. And jello-stuff. And lemon pie. And chocolate. And I have no idea why I feel so fat. Ha.
Tomorrow I have to go to work, and yet with all of Saturday spent recovering from Project Drunken Friday Night, I feel cheated. I feel like I was


Diet Cocaine

Kenny Rogers “The Petition” playing on the radio…

A world without drugs? Well, we shouldn’t get rid of all the drugs. Some are good.

Yeah – some are! There is that heroin that I love so much…

(Pause) Do they have diet cocaine? Because I like diet coke, so I probably would like diet cocaine better than regular cocaine.


A long time ago I promised to take my daughter to Mount Everest when she turned 16. At the time she was maybe 10. I suppose it never felt like 16 would actually arrive. She turns 16 in June. We are not going to Everest this year. I have broken my promise. We are not going for many reasons, the primary one being money. Secondary would be the unbelievable political unrest in Katmandu and surrounding areas. I could not take my child there – where the streets are patrolled by people with guns, all businesses are shut down and even the phones are not working. Thank god I can’t afford it right now.

When she turns 18, we will visit REI, buy crazy amounts of winter-type clothing and sleeping bags, and a tents. And then we will hop on a plane for weeks of eye opening, mind boggling exposure to the most amazing mountain and culture ever. And we will battle our internal desire to climb “just a little bit higher” than we planned.

I have wanted to climb Everest for a very long time. If I didn’t have a family – if I had managed to remain single my whole life and didn’t have children or a husband – I think that I would have already done this dangerous, scary thing. It is such a sensational feat to climb that high and survive such risk. I cannot imagine the wonderful sense of accomplishment to be able to summit and live to tell the story. Yet I cannot imagine at this stage of my life ever wanting to do such a thing. It is such a huge risk full of very real danger. I could never take myself that close to losing my family or this wonderful life that I have.

So I will go to base camp. I will look at the huge mountain ahead and I will dream about what it is like to face such a challenge and succeed.

High School

I have not kept in touch with one single person that I knew growing up. Not one. I wasn't that close to many people at my high school to begin with, as I could not have been more geeky or shy. I guess having Jahdah live with us my Junior year helped a bit with the shy part, but overall, I just didn't get out all that much. I am not one of those people who thought of high school as the best time of my life - which always makes me wonder why I ever think about it at all...

There are a few fond memories from school though - things people always hang on to - like a first kiss, or a first real date, learning to drive, skipping school, going to the beach, first broken heart, trying to figure out what to be when we grow up, making friends, building relationships, eating too much junk, dreaming about tomorrow... I guess high school is where most of this starts - and for that reason, for those memories, high school was good to me.


I Need a New Watch (as sung to tune of Bad Day)

Where is a watch when I need it the most?
You wonder what time it is, and my watch it is lost.
I feel the hours fading to grey...
I notice the seconds must have all ticked away.
And I'm just tired of asking the time

Cause I need a new watch
I'm looking around
I look over my shoulder and all around
I ask someone the time
They tell me "don't know"
I try to find the time, but the lookin' is slow

I need a new watch
My old one ain't coming back
I'm lost and confused, and I really do mind.
I need a new watch
I need a new watch


Opportunity Knocks

I have a new job. I hope I don’t screw it up.