Yes, I Voted. No, Nobody Cares.

I should write about how I voted today, and how I feel that I have done a wonderful service for my community - for my country. But really, when you live in Texas and Bush is running for President, and the electoral votes are already promised away - your vote just doesn't count. So - I did vote, but it didn't matter...and that is why I am not going to write about it.

I am going to write about other things though. These are the things that keep me up at night, that make me pick up the phone in the middle of the day and call my husband to talk about, the things that I think of when my mind starts drifting... My kids.

I love my kids. More than I can understand myself. I love them - and I hate the fact that I am having to go through custody wars to get more time with them. Hate it. I am not even sure what I hate most. Is it when my youngest calls crying that she misses me and wants to see me? Is it when I miss something important like a playoff game for a soccer tournament because I wasn't told about it in time? Is it because I don't get report cards or important notes from school? Is it because I send their father TONS of money every month and he still can't buy them decent clothes? Is it because he still owes me money that I know I will never see? Is it because he punishes me by not letting them see me when they want? Could it be that he refuses to talk to me about anything, ever? Maybe it is because his wicked little wife pretends to be friends with everyone we have an opportunity to know, just to make me mad. Perhaps it is because I am supposed to have equal custody and we are both supposed to be raising our children, and their father just won't have any part of it....

Oh - there are so many reasons I hate all of this - I guess I just can't pick one.

Here is some good news: We have a court date for the initial custody hearing, November 16th. I found out today that my IVF retrieval could fall on that date, at that time, and they are not able to change it at all. Not by 2 hours even. They cannot tell me for sure when it will be and now I have to make a decision - reschedule the court date (for the second time and pay the attorney and look stupid on top of it) or put off IVF until next year, eating the sonogram and drug costs already invested (around $800.00). Let us not forget that I am not getting any younger, and January 2nd I will turn 37. Can I have anymore stress? Can I?