Cole Closet

Roark Sleeping


Stupid Everything

I tried running yesterday for the first time. In my mind, before I went, I envisioned a slow 3 mile run. I imagined I would be tired at the end but that it wouldn’t be all that difficult. I was out of my freaking mind – in case you were wondering.

I started at my house and went a total of 3 blocks...maybe. I made it to the neighborhood pool before my lungs felt like they were literally on FIRE! I decided that “lungs on fire” was not a good thing and stopped running. I turned around and walked home. And even that was hard. I didn’t realize what bad shape my lungs and heart were in after all of the infections, congestive heart failure, blood clots in the lungs, pneumonia, blah blah blah (When I see it in print I think “You moron. Why wouldn’t exercise be difficult.” But somehow my brain wasn’t working like that yesterday… I was so upset that it was difficult and I did so poorly.) I guess it will just take a lot of time to get back into any real shape.

Last night I had some pancreatic issues – meaning that my pancreas was really pissed off and decided to hurt me so badly that I couldn’t do anything but sit up in bed wishing I would just die already. I took an insane amount of pain killers, but it took forever to even make a dent in the pain. I blame the very rich dinner we had…which was stupid on my part. That – and the espresso I had with it. But see, we had a date night. And we went to The Grape. And I love The Grape. And they had filet. And I love filet. And also, the Crème Brule is amazing. So I tried that too. I cannot even imagine what shape I would be in if we actully drank alcohol anymore... God I miss the wine... Anyway, MAN DID I PAY. I sat up until 3:00am and finally was able to go to sleep.

So today when I woke up, Todd and the boys were already out at the “big park” which is about a mile away (at least to the spot where they were) but if I took the trail it would be about 2 miles (maybe if you stretch it a bit). So I started running, took a shortcut over the creek and through a mass of spider webs...ick, and finally found them without having to go as far. Overall I would say I ran about a mile to a 1 ½. Not far, but if you compare to yesterday, it was an improvement. I also walked home in the blazing heat – which kicked my butt. And, we went to the grocery store. So there is that.

I am now in bed where I want to stay until dinner…I am THAT tired. Stupid running. Stupid staying skinny. Stupid getting in shape.