It has been a whirlwind few weeks. Work is at a critical stage (When isn't it? Huh? TELL ME!) and has been consuming a lot my time. The boys head to preschool tomorrow and Britt starts senior year.

Cassie goes back to Michigan State next week. Let's look deeper into that one, shall we? Last year - worried about her safety. Planned for weeks. Bought half of Texas to accompany her to school. Drove her there (20 hours each way) and cried all the way home. This year - not worried. Not even driving her. She is mailing her stuff to herself and we are putting her on a plane. End of story. Where is the love, right?

I have a new job - which I have been bragging about for a few days. I am anxious and excited, and cannot wait to finish things up here and move on. I will let the terror set in later.


Why Can't You - Third Eye Blind

Are you frightened by the weight you possess or-
Is this life just weightlessness?
Smoggy twilight in LA,
I can't think of one real thing to say.
And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons,
Forgets that we were friends.
I guess it all depends on your mood.
Why can't these meds be any damn good?

And she said-
Why can't you be
Like my waterpik shower massager?
A sweet reliable machine.
And to tell the truth I don't feel less alone,
A water massager's the purest love I've ever known.
Why can't you be like when i was thirteen?

Why can't you be like a art house foreign movie,
Frank and sexy, red balloons, and ennui? And a loof to me and,
Why can't you be a little more of a mystery?
Why can't you be the part of me that's missing?
Instead of leaving me for some other,
Said we're perfect for each other,
And I know we won't go spend our lives alone.

Why can't you be like an outsourced government contract?
I'm a fat cat getting away with anything.
Kicking some secret special powers,
Illumination rounds in showers.
Cause you're tearing your hair out.
Well we can have better flowers.

Why can't you be like the chicks out on the road?
Some girls are happy just to see me.
Cause you've got moxie and a broken nose.
Take them away from this prose.
Sometimes a blowjobs not enough.
Why cant you play-a little less rough?

Why can't you be the part of me that's missing?
Instead of leaving me for some other,
Said we're perfect for each other,
And I know we won't go spend our lives alone.

Can we, just leave it be?
And we can live, our lives, separately?
Could you forget-what happens to you-you and me?
When we're dead-and we'll be dead-we'll have eternity.
And I will spend it all- missing you-seeing you with me.
So all of a life.
I will always be.

Why can't you be thinking a little deeper into me?
Like JD Salinger.
Why do i challenge her,
In all these surface ways that you displease?
Why can't you be a little more at ease?

Why can't you be like a hand rolled cigarette? I'm not joking-
This masochistic self pity of smoking and this silly ditty...
I keep provoking you to leave me...

And she said-
Why can't you be,
Like a candle I can snuff?
You're still a diamond in the rough-
And I swear to God-
I've had enough.

How can I,
Call your bluff?


Shred 1, Me 0

I attempted the shred tonight. It has been about a month since I have bitched at Jillian, and I have to say that I hate her as much as I ever had.

In other news, I am re-gaining interest in writing that history book. And in finding a new career. I am getting anxious for a new challenge and am obscenely jealous of people who love their jobs. Don't laugh, but I would really like a career in advertising. A frind of mine and I were talking and even came up with a name...maybe someday.

For now, I am thinking smaller company, more meaningful job...

Because he likes it when I freak out...


I have been recovering from knee surgery well.  I am working out a bit, swimming, riding the stationary bike, doing PT exercises.  I plan to try The Shred tonight (any haters can keep it to themselves – JAYSON).  And yet, I am feeling VERY OUT OF SHAPE.  I really miss running.  I miss walking long distances.  I miss how active I usually am.  I hope I can do all of those things again…if not?  I will DIE.  Or just be a little sad…




Today I learned a few things...

* There is such a thing as too many bubbles in the bath
* You can't fix stupid
* Sometimes things really are too effed up to fix them
* Someone will ALWAYS miss the big deadline
* There are very few good listeners in the world
* Urgency is apparently in the eye of the beholder
* Bad television is hard to make fun of alone
* Riding the bike? Hurts like a mofo. My Physical therapist can bite me.
* Even if it is not your job, you might as well do it - because in the end? You will end up doing it anyway.
* There are always going to be people who don't agree with you. Sure, it is personal, but it doesn''t really matter.
* When you do your best, the end result may still suck donkey balls - but at least YOU DID YOU BEST