It Sucks

This will sound odd. I know this because it feels odd to think about, to write about. However, I read a lot infertility blogs. When I was considering IVF and going through the process I did quite a bit of reading, and the best information came from online journals… the women going through infertility and IVF were my best source of information and support. I am not infertile, I simply have horrible pregnancy issues and therefore a long time ago, when I was told I would never again carry a child to term, I had a tubal ligation. It seemed the best option to avoid a miscarriage – a miscarriage that was a result of my body not being able to carry to term, not due to problems with the poor innocent child inside me. I felt justified in my decision.

14 years later technology had changed. A lot. I could very likely carry close to term with help. IVF was happening all around me, and with fairly good success in some people. And, although insanely expensive, it could allow my new husband and I an opportunity to have a child together. I bit.

This leads me to the point of this rambling. I became involved with all of these infertile folks – essentially just through reading journals, but we all know how close we can feel to folks when we are really only reading (strange isn’t it?) And now, I am pregnant – and I just don’t fit. And it is sad. I know that online is not real life. I am not totally delusional. But I also know that I don’t have many real life close friends, so there is some comfort, some escape in the online community. Pathetic? Maybe. But it works for me.

I know that there are fantastic people out there who went through infertility and some that still are - and they are always caring and open and receptive to my comments and assvice. But I just don't always feel at home there...does that make sense?

This leads to a dilemma doesn’t it? I am not infertile. I am not even trying to get pregnant. I am WAY pregnant and most likely going to have healthy close to term babies. I suppose I need to find a community that supports my current state, but that is like moving across the country, going to a new school, and having to make new friends. It sucks.