How to: Go jogging with twins

  1. Pack cups of water, diapers, wipes, pacis, cloth diapers, books, sunscreen, jogging stroller, water bottle, iPod,
  2. Put everything by door while I put my shoes on.
  3. Watch boys get into everything they shouldn’t be while I just want to get my damn shoes on – for Christ sake!!
  4. Pick up Roark and hold Cole’s hand – walk out into garage to put boys in car seats.
  5. Realize the car seats are not in the car because we took them out when the girls went to a movie.
  6. Put Roark down – allowing both boys to wonder the most dangerous garage know to man.
  7. Spot fire-ant killer granules and run to beat boys to them.
  8. Fight Cole for ant-killer.
  9. Win and put on top shelf.
  10. Go back to car seat nightmare.
  11. Get one car seat installed and put Cole in it.
  12. Open garage door so that I can get to the other side of the car.
  13. Put Roark in front seat of car and let him pretend he is driving so that he doesn’t run away.
  14. Put second car seat in car.
  15. Rangel Roark out of front seat and into his seat – which appears to be a major disappointment to him – gathered this based on screaming that made my ears bleed.
  16. Get in car.
  17. Get out of car.
  18. Go back inside and get purse.
  19. Get back in car.
  20. Drive to park – 45 minutes away – because I am insane and think that the park in Ft. Worth is somehow better than any closer park.
  21. Arrive at park.
  22. Get stroller out of car.
  23. Smell poop.
  24. Check Roark.No poop.
  25. Check Cole.No poop.
  26. Check shoes – find poop.
  27. Put boys in stroller.
  28. Give them cups of water and pacis.
  29. Put on iPod.
  30. Lock car.
  31. Stretch.
  32. Walk a bit to warm up.
  33. Pick up cups 14 bazillion times and finally put them in stroller where boys cannot reach them.
  34. Turn up iPod so that I cannot hear boys yelling for water – which they totally don’t want.
  35. Run for about 12.5 minutes and determine I am freaking TIRED.
  36. Turn around and run back to car.
  37. Get water.
  38. Take boys over to the park.
  40. Take stroller into the middle of the field and let boys out.
  41. Spend the next 45 minutes chasing them both and trying to keep them close to the center of the field.
  42. Swear 14 times that they are going to “put your eye out with that stick” and play what can only be seen as a game of fetch with my boys.
  43. Rangle each kid back into the stroller and go back to car.
  44. Put each kid in car.
  45. Drive 45 minutes back home – boys sleeping the whole time.
  46. Get home and realize that the boys are NOT going to take a nap, since they slept in the car.
  47. Put boys in house and then unload car - listening to them scream the whole time.
  48. Weep quietly.