Chance, Tolerance and Fate

Teenage girls want to fall in love. They want to be swept off of their feet and carried away into a life of perfect, surreal happiness. They want someone to be in charge, yet not control them. They want a boy that is sensitive, yet rugged. They want the high school quarterback, but they want him to secretly write poetry professing their undying love. They want someone with high ambitions, but who will be happy hanging out doing nothing, ever.

Teenage girls have such high expectations of teenage boys, that I cannot see any way for a boy between the ages of 15 and 19 to live up to a girl’s expectations. How do any of them end up with a boyfriend…ever?

In reality, we all want to fall in love don’t we? We want to be wanted…we want to feel completely comfortable with someone. We want to share our dreams, fears, feelings with someone else out there. What changes as we grow older? Are we more in touch with reality (I hope so), or do we just decide to settle for what seems to be an ok mate (I hope not)?

I think about this sometimes. Do you think there is one person out there for everyone, or do you think relationships are about learning to be with someone else…no destiny or fate involved? Do you believe that any two people could be together if they just wanted it enough? Or do you think there are good and bad couples?

I don’t believe in destiny. Or fate. I don’t think there is only one person for each person out there. I do think that there are definitely wrong people out there for others – that some people just shouldn’t be together. I am not sure how I find that contradiction in thought valid, but it is really how I feel.

I have had the experience of being married to someone that seemed right at the time. And that marriage…deteriorated and fell apart. I grew up and I guess become tired of being told what to do. I didn’t want to be controlled and didn’t want that father-figure type of husband ruling my life. I also didn’t want to be in a situation where we were both sticking around “for the kids” or because it was easier to ignore the issues rather than deal with them.

I have also had the experience of being married to a wonderful partner…someone who enjoys being with me simply how I am. He doesn’t try to change me, and doesn’t try to mold or shape my dreams. We are both just in this for the pure love and enjoyment of it – and it feels good.

I guess all of this is just to think through how far people seem to come from dating years to finally finding a good relationship. And I wonder how much is up to chance, tolerance, or fate.