Roark cries. Non-stop. All the freaking time!!! I have to keep telling myself that he is only a baby and doesn’t know what is wrong – but MY GOD it is driving me MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He won’t eat. He won’t sleep. He won’t stop crying. What is wrong???? He will actually eat about 30-40 cc’s and then starts into the high pitched wailing. He then refuses to eat another drop, and continues crying, bursting eardrums all around, until he falls asleep for a few minutes, only to wake and start again. This is especially fun when he has not had wet diapers the past couple of changes and I have to force feed him…wow he HATES that. He doesn’t fall asleep – he just screams and won’t suck on the nipple. And – this is great – if you push him too much….perhaps let milk drip down his throat while he is crying…he will power puke all over you and lose everything he has had so far. Back to square one.

Now - when I say he cries all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME. Not just an hour or two a day - if he is awake, he is screaming his little head off. Colic? Maybe...but what the hell is Colic anyway? I think it is a made up word for anything doctors cannot figure out - kind of like a virus.

I have to tell you - I get so frustrated with him. I don't know what is wrong - if anything even IS wrong. And I sure can't fix what I don't understand. So, I get mad. I don't talk mean to him...I don't hurt him, I don't do anything bad at all - I just get these horrible feelings of frustration and irritation and even just that makes me feel guilty. My husband said he feels the same way - but he talks even sweeter to him then, so he doesn't get tipped over the edge. We are both looming so close to the edge...so close. I admit I have whispered, in the very sweetest voice, that he is driving me CRAZY...and that I just can't take much more. I have begged him to stop crying...which of course did NOTHING. What kind of teenager will such a stubborn baby turn into???

Today, at 5:20 Roark (AKA Screams) has a dr. appointment. I have told them that he is broken and that I will not be taking him home with me until they fix him. That – or I want my money back.