My Heart is Aching

Today my husband and I went with my daughter to her school. We sat down with her step-mom, dad and the principle and discussed the problems she is having with this boy. She is the only girl in this class. He sits next to her. He has been touching her and when she told him to stop, he told her that he knew she wanted it. What in the hell? Seriously!!! Where did he learn this? We had her pulled out of the two classes that she has with this kid. We also talked with the police and are taking her to have a statement video made with CPS this evening. I am in shock to be honest.

I asked the principle if they have a formal education program / event / discussion regarding this type of thing…”NO means no” or something similar. They don’t, which is a shame. Companies and colleges have a zero tolerance policy about this type of thing, and I think high school should be no different. Students should be told that this is not acceptable. And my daughter should have known that this was not tolerated and felt comfortable doing something about it LONG ago. And – for the love of god, why was there a class with only ONE girl in it?

There are many things swirling in my head…some about her, some about me, and I don’t know where to begin.

About me:
I am a part-time mom. I spend time with the girls every other weekend and one night a week. We split holidays / vacations, and they are here a month in the summer. It is not perfect, but it works for us. I have had a hard time adjusting to her having a step-mom. I am glad that the girls like (even love) her, and they are happy with their lives. Yet, at the same time I have a hard time sharing things that I just feel should be mine as their mother. The things that have happened with my daughter have exposed my issues even more… During this mess I have wanted to be with her, to talk with her, to spend time with her. I want to be there for her and share my experiences with her. I want to hold her and make her feel safe, let her know she is doing the right thing and that nobody should ever treat her that way. I want to be her mom. However, I don’t get to do that.

Yesterday when I found out about what was going on, I couldn’t go scoop her up and spend time with her. I had to wait until it was time to be with her. Then today I would have loved to spend the day with her, just hang out after all of the crap she had been through, and I wasn’t able to. Instead, she spent the afternoon shopping with her step-mom. Ouch. Tonight we are going to CPS to record her statement and I don’t get to take her, or be with her after. I am an observer in her life during times like this and it is hurtful and leaves me feeling like I am not getting to do what I should as a mom.

And then there is the fact that her step-mom is a pure busy-body and turns everything into something about her. She wouldn’t shut up in the meetings this morning – kept trying to tell the story for my daughter. She kept trying to be the center of attention – which seemed weird to me. She cried when talking to the principle, although my daughter didn’t get nearly that emotional. She interrupted to interject her thoughts continuously and made it difficult to hear my daughters recount of what took place. She also kept touching my daughter and playing with her hair – and it drove me nuts. Just NUTS.

About her:
I hope my daughter doesn’t regret telling us what happened. I hope that she sees the value in standing up for herself and not letting someone intimidate her, or bully her. I hope she doesn’t look back on this and wish she had simply kept her mouth shut.

I hope that she knows that I love her and wish I could take this away from her memory. I want her to feel safe. I want her to know that I would give my life for hers. I want her to feel good about who she is. I want her to stay outgoing, and bubbly, and friendly. I want her to feel OK wearing a skirt, or something that makes her feel pretty. I want her to know that it is okay to be who she is and not feel that she brought this on herself. But most of all, I want to turn back the clock and make this never have happened. Who wants their child to understand what a sketchy world they live in? Not me.