Actual conversation overheard at health club:
Damn girl! I won’t be putting no thong on this fat ass… My ass is so big – they would have to send out a search party to find it!
Roark is sitting on the floor at my feet playing with toys (well that and pooping). Cole is standing in the living room trying to throw balls at me…he of course misses every time, but is quite determined so I imagine I will get pegged at any moment. He thinks “Ouch!” is funny. Which it totally is NOT.
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My town is supposed to be filled with a “wintry mix” tomorrow. Given that I live in
I burned my ear with the flat iron a few days ago and now it randomly bleeds all over my hair. Sexy.
No X-Ray results yet on my daughter. They are slow and incompetent. I called the doctor’s office today asking about them, and they didn’t have the results YET. They called me back a few hours later and asked where we had them done. Ummm, the hospital. Where they SENT US. When I told them this, they seemed confused. Where exactly did they expect to go? I now fully expect them to tell us they are lost and would we please go get them done again…lather, rinse, repeat.
I have been so tired the past few days. I have felt amazing the past few weeks overall, and now suddenly feel myself slipping back to yucky, tired, and worn out feeling. What is up with that?
Christmas is upon us and I have done next to nothing in the way of Christmas shopping. I have ordered stuff for my boss, my husband’s boss, and his dad. That is it. I have not done anything beyond that – and I did that stuff yesterday. I have thought about ordering online, but cannot get motivated to do any of it. How doomed am I?
Tonight I am making grilled sausage with sautéed peppers and onions for dinner. I have no idea what else to make with it. Maybe I will serve it with Pop Tarts or Pez. Sounds perfectly nutritious to me.
I am supposed to run today, but have no desire to drag myself outside and actually do it. At the very least I should be going to the gym. You know, we are running in a ½ marathon in 2 weeks and I am just not ready. Luckily we did manage to get in a 10 mile run last weekend, so I am no longer worried that I won’t make the full 13 miles, but I have to admit that the long run about killed me. Who’s idea was this run anyway? Oh yeah…mine. Damnit!
I had sushi from our cafeteria for lunch today. I wish I had not done that. Now my office smells like dead fish and I am still hungry.
Work blows. It is hard. It is VERY thankless. My customer hates me. I have so much work to do, and no time. And yes, I know I have said all this before.
I need a drink. Like a two-bottles-of-wine drink, or a six-pack drink. Not just a silly little one-drink drink. Does that mean I have a problem? If I recognize that it is a problem, can I still continue to drink? If not, forget I mentioned that.
And finally cute picture of the day:
My daughter has a back ache. She has had it for a long time. It won’t go away and it is scaring me a little bit. We had x-rays taken, but we have not gotten the results. Apparently we don’t rank on the doctor’s list. This is a bit of a pain when you are a parent and you want to fix things, like NOW. Hopefully we will hear back today. She is on pain killers now, after having been on muscle relaxants (none of which are helping even a little bit).
My son has a bruised face. He got it yesterday. Do you want to know how this happened? My sweet, lovable black lab bit him. We don’t know why. He was being supervised. The dog has never shown aggression toward the boys. He was not being abused, hurt, neglected. He just decided to take a bite out of Roark’s face… We think his leg that had TPLO surgery last year is hurting him, and when Roark touched it Shiner freaked out. So – to the doggie doctor we must go. If he is not hurt or sick, we are going to involve a dog trainer. If he has no behavior issues, we are going to consider giving him away…which makes me very, very sad. And – if we give away Shiner, we will give away Zieggy too, and wait until the boys are older to have pets. I love my dogs and I wish that this had never happened.
My Boys:
I look at you sleeping at night and I am amazed that you even exist. Your perfect faces, your tiny fingers and toes, your beautiful eyelashes are all works of art. I see myself and your father in the things that you say and do. You have personalities already and although sometimes undesirable, I love your actions and reactions to things that go on in this wild house.
I cannot wait to see you grow up. Watch you discover your likes and dislikes, plan your future, embark on great adventures. I cannot wait to meet the adult men that are now my little boys.
I want you to know that no matter what decisions you make in your life, no matter what you say or do – I will always, always love you. I will do everything I can to give you a good life full of support and love and understanding. I want you to have the opportunity to fulfill your dreams.
I love you so much.
Mommy.
I didn’t expect this to have the effect on me that it has. Sure, it was a sad story. Yes, it was one that kept me reading and feeling like I wanted to help if possible… but I didn’t ever expect it to seep into the crevices of my thoughts and heart and change my thinking, change me in the way that it has. My heart goes out to this family in a way I cannot describe and I cannot even explain why. Why has this affected me so deeply? Why has it changed my outlook on life? Why has it changed my feelings about my own family?
I was thinking about AT and his kids and the loss of his wife this weekend. I was so in awe of his love for her, and his ability to express it when she was sick, dying, and then after she passed away. I found myself telling complete strangers about the way he was able to articulate his feelings…it was that moving to me. And as I thought about this, I wondered why we tend to wait until people are sick, dying, or dead to tell them how we feel. I am not sure why we don’t invest more in our relationships while they are alive, growing and able to become better and better… Why do you think that is? Why do we take our relationships for granted?
I am going to *try* not to do this. I want to let those close to me know how I feel while we are healthy and alive. I want to make these relationships the best that they can be – and want those that I love to know how I feel. I want to make a difference in their lives while they have a chance to recognize and enjoy it.
So I am out of town and it is everything I hoped it would be. Plane left late in a whirlwind (literally) – having some of the worst windy weather on record in
Driving to the hotel last night, in my usual “in a hurry, god would you FREAKING HURRY UP” fashion, I realized that I am never calm, at peace or content when driving. I am always in such a mad hurry to get where I am going and am continually irritated with anyone else on the road that has the potential to be in my way. I am not sure why I am like that. The time in the car could be relaxing, an escape. But I don’t ever look at it that way. When this finally dawned on me I settled down, sat back and enjoyed the scenery. Then – it got dark and I slipped back in to “get me the hell off the road mode”. Perhaps there is no hope for me.
I have access to this site maintained by the school system that my kids are students in. I can log in at any time and see their past and current grades in any class, and can drill down to grades on each assignment. I must say that I am FREAKING GLAD THIS WASN’T AROUND WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL. Now my kids have the potential to get chewed out on a daily basis vs. once every 6 weeks. I know that they regret me telling me about this and wish they had never mentioned it. I would have found out eventually, but they may have been granted a little more peace until then. I don’t want to embarrass them here and tell you current standings, but lets just say that we are in discussions at this very minute as to 1) what in the hell have you been doing for the past 2 weeks and 2) how do you fail your mother tongue?
I just realized when reading through stuff from last year that I have made NO PROGRESS on my weight loss plan. NONE. This is sad. I feel like I have worked at it...and yet, not so much. Damn lack of progress.
I have to travel over the next few days – and for those of you who know me, you know how much I hate to travel for work. I am the biggest baby when it comes to this – the worlds most pathetic homebody. I miss being with the boys and my husband. I miss my bed and my family and my office. I miss everything about being home and hate when I am not here...
So many things have happened lately in the world that make me reflect on my life, on my family and on my unbelievable luck. I have healthy kids, a wonderful husband, a steady job – I am (mostly) sane, I have reliable care for the boys during the day, the girls go to good schools, we have enough money to live comfortably.
I look at my boys and I know that I am a good parent. They are happy people. They smile, they laugh, they have a sense of humor. They are starting to talk and mimic me and I like what I see. They are not running around yelling “NO NO NO” all day. They tell you about rocks and outside and flowers. They talk about the doggie and kitty and their toys. They pretend to be talking to people on the phone and they always seem so completely…content. It is nice. Don’t get me wrong – they have their stubborn and obnoxious moments (hours), but overall they are happy wonderful kids.
I look at my girls and I know that I am a good parent. When they are with me they are happy. They laugh, they smile, they joke around. They enjoy being with the family and love talking to me – either in person, on the phone or via text messages. They like playing games and going camping with us – enjoy being around us most of the time. They are of course teenagers and have that wonderful attitude that generally accompanies that age, but overall we are happy together.
I look at my husband and I know how truly lucky I am. He is my rock when times are tough. He is my source of humor when the days are long and difficult. He really is my best friend – and he is hot too (lucky me).
I look at my life and I know I am lucky.
