Better and Better

Am I a good mother?

Am I a good wife?

Am I a good person?

What will I be remembered for when I die?

I hope my girls don’t think of me and remember only the times I harped on them to finish their homework “for god’s sake – it is ten o’clock already and you are just getting started!!!”. I hope the boys don’t remember that pained frustrated look I give them when coming into their room for the umpteenth time during the night wishing they would lay down already and go to sleep, damn it! I hope my husband doesn’t just remember the times when I would much rather sink into the bed and go to sleep instead of – well, you know.

I would love to be that perfect person – the one that pops up at 5am and cooks a huge breakfast, followed by going on a 10 mile run. And then after helping everyone get ready for the day hug and kiss everyone goodbye and head to work where I contribute for 10 full hours, only to return home and cook a full 6 course meal. I would round out the day with family time including games and sharing, and then personal one-on-one time with my husband. But – I am SO NOT THAT PERSON.

So I am faced with how to be the best person I CAN BE. I do have limitations – and there are certain things I just don’t seem able to do – at least not happily. I am not a morning person. I don’t like hopping out of bed, and especially not at 5am. I don’t always have the time or motivation to run in the morning, and barely make it to work on time for my first meeting most days. I get sucked into the net on many days and lose at least an hour reading things that are a waste of time. I don’t do the bare minimum, but I can honestly say that I am not exactly breaking new ground in the work-motivation category. So – there is certainly a wide array of ways to improve pretty much every aspect of my life…oh, where to begin?

I thought about this a little bit…how to improve myself – my life. I came up with a list of things I could do that would make me better… don’t laugh – it was hard.

  1. If I say NO to my kids, understand why I am saying it, and understand the risks of them doing whatever it is – and then explain it to them. No more “because I said so”
  2. Ask them more questions and then shut up – give them room to talk…
  3. Tell my family that I love them. Every day. Even if they are embarrassed by it.
  4. Stay up with the girls until they are done with their homework – even if they don’t need my help, they seem to appreciate my company
  5. Tell my husband more often how happy I am that he chose me. Show him how much I love him in our conversations, our activities, in everything we do together
  6. When with my kids try not to think about other things I should be doing
  7. When at work – work. Make sure they are getting their money’s worth out of me.
  8. Keep a list of work accomplishments and make sure I have new additions weekly
  9. Find ways to give back to my community – although I have to admit I don’t really know what this means or how to begin.
  10. Find things that we can do together as a family that we all enjoy and start some traditions around these things

Some of the ideas are ‘reaching’ and some are just plain dumb…however they are a start. I still don’t think there is anything earth-shattering in that list. There is nothing that will turn heads or put me on the family map…but they get me moving in the right direction. I think. Maybe. Eh – who knows.