2.16.2005

Just Another Day

It is simply another day. And I am pregnant, which is making these days drag on and on and on and... yeah, you get the idea. My back hurts everyday by 1:30 in the afternoon. I have some very odd pressure kind of pains in areas not meant for public (or is it pubic) description. I am crampy. Did I mention the backache? The mere thought of food makes me sick one moment and hungry enough to eat the leg off of a frozen dog the next. I wake up in a fantastic mood and within 45 minutes am ready for the day to be over so that I can put on sweat pants and lay in bed. This is what I have been reduced to by two tiny beings that weigh 3 oz. each and are each only 5 inches long. How can they make me so miserable?

Dinner...dinner...dinner... yuck. Everything sounds horrible. What in the world am I going to do about dinner? Even the staples of pregnancy sound bad - mac & cheese...no freaking way, spaghettios...keep em away from me, bologna...not unless you want to see me throw up. Then there are the hangover foods (no, I am not hung over...jeesh) - McDonalds / Whataburger...I don't think so, soup...not gonna happen, pancakes (because they taste the same coming up as they did going down)...I can't even think about those nasty sweet things. Chicken? No. Beef? Barf. Pizza? Only without the dough, cheese, sauce and any toppings ;) Pasta? Can't possibly get that near me. What is wrong with me? I have been through this "I can't eat" thing before and I am fine until about 1:30 in the morning. Then I get so hungry that I want to eat my pillow - best to avoid that situation.

I am very very anxious to not be pregnant, and yet at the same time I don't want the day to come when I have to figure out how to care for two babies at one time. I am excited and scared. Goofy? Yes, I know. But, it is my reality. I do not like the pregnancy thing. I am not excited about my belly growing or wearing maternity clothes. I do not care about my labor experience or how I deliver. I just want to get to the part where I take home babies. I am not your ideal pregnant woman. I don't glow, or shine, or do much other than swear and wish it were over with. I - am not very fun to be around, am I?