Oh Baby!

This morning was fantastic. I don’t know why either. I woke up early, for me anyway…headed out to work as the sun was rising – causing the sky to be tinged with red and orange. I love how Texas mornings are in the fall – breezy, warm, sunny. I put in an old CD I came across, Counting Crows – August and Everything After. This is one of those CDs I have heard so many times that I find myself singing along without even realizing it. There is something familiar in old, favorite music. Something calming and peaceful and comfortable.

Perhaps I was in a good mood because I was going to be in class all day and didn’t have to do any real work.

Perhaps I was happy because I get to see my girls tonight.

Perhaps my mood was encouraged because my house is clean…or at least very close.

Perhaps I was excited thinking about the weekend coming up and getting to spend time with my girls.

Perhaps I was in such a good mood because we are going to have a baby.

So the baby thing… I wanted another child for a very long time. Then I didn’t. Now I do again.

One major issue with this is wish of mine is I was ‘fixed’ a long time ago after my youngest daughter was born. My husband and I looked into our options – all of which are expensive and not much fun – and chose the one that our doctor recommended… IVF. Not an inexpensive way to go from what we have seen so far. Dear god – the money some people are spending trying to get pregnant! I am in shock really. And the process involved – not all that easy to follow. Bizarre sonograms, followed by self-injected medicine, followed by all kinds of crazy hormone drugs (which I am sure will turn me into a moody psycho) followed by more bizarre sonograms, and bloodwork, and surgery and more drugs…and the list goes on. And I am looking forward to this. A lot. Sick.

The medicine alone is going to be somewhere around 3 grand. Yep. Ouch. We won’t touch on the cost of the doctors, hospitals, labs, etc. That makes my head spin. Add that to student loans, and we have quite a few years of “peanut butter and jelly” and “ramen” for dinner. Yummy.

But the baby…ah…a baby. I have missed having little kids around. My girls are teenagers now and they are so independent. And not here all the time. I am very, very much looking forward to a baby. I am crazy.