There BETTER be BETTER days ahead!
The Good News: I went back to the doctor Friday and things were much calmer in the contraction department. I only had a few in the time they monitored. Cervix was unchanged, although there is plenty of blood...but, ick - who wants to hear about that? I also got the second Betamethasone shot for the lung development, so that was a relief. Next appointment Monday afternoon - they plan to do a sonogram and another FFN test. What fun.
The Bad News: The Heartburn. My god the heartburn. Save me!!! It is absolutely killing me - and I am totally not joking. I was up last night until 1:30 with it, back up at 3:30 for the day. I can't eat or drink anything without feeling like I am going to die. Today has consisted of breakfast - 2 scrambled eggs and 2 pieces of toast, spread out over the WHOLE day, and now only half gone. That is it for food today. Poor babies. They are living on 1 egg and 1 piece of toast. Well that and all of the fat that is growing on my ass and legs. Even water makes my chest hurt. My husband assures me that it must be the drugs I am taking because water doesn't cause heartburn. Whatever...I feel horrible. And food is NOT my friend.
Other News: Not much in the Other News department. My girls are here this weekend, which is good - but difficult. I cannot do anything with them, so I am missing soccer games and movies and dining out, all the things we normally would do together. My husband is playing soccer dad, and we are skipping everything else. What a boring future I am facing for the next 9 weeks.
There BETTER be BETTER days ahead!
My brother told me once that in the Army they place the actives on Blue Bayonet if they are to stay confined to quarters and wait for further instructions on being deployed somewhere far away doing something dangerous - such as going to war, or other misc. stuff he would never talk much about. I believe this term fits.
Well, spent yesterday in the hospital after my latest FFN test (that tells if I will deliver in the next two weeks) came back positive. That sucked. Apparently if the test comes back negative they are very confident that I will make it two more weeks, however there is some question about the positive results…meaning they are not sure that it will happen – they use the test to get a negative and rely on those results, but positive results are not always reliable. Go figure.
I started out the day with contractions 2-3 minutes apart – most of which I was not really feeling. After three shots of some evil drug that made me shaky, they were down to about 10 minutes, which the Dr. felt was acceptable, and I was able to go home in the evening. They also gave me one shot of something to help the boys’ lungs develop if they are born in the next week or two. I get another one of those shots today when I go in to see the Dr.
The not so good news is that I am now on VERY restricted activity – bathroom, shower and eating are all permitted…and that is about it. This could make for some long days.
The great news is that the boys are fine, very active and normal heartbeats. They are just apparently anxious to make an entrance.
25 weeks. That is how pregnant I am. It is hard to believe that I am making it this far without problems. I was already in the hospital for the duration at this point with my last child. Nice to make progress.
I was placed on more restrictions today. No vacuuming, no housework requiring moving furniture, standing up, pushing or pulling or reaching. I can sit on a stool and dust and clean baseboards. Funny – like I want to do those things anyway. It does kinda put a kink in my “clean a room a day” idea. I have even been sticking to it so far.
So now I am restricted to reading, going out to dinner or a movie (if dropped off at the door and picked up at the door) and sitting on my ever-expanding ass. No mall walking. No walking more than 10 minutes at a time. No exercise. But – when the Dr. put it in perspective, it was no big deal. He asked me if I wanted to take home babies. Well, DUH – yes! If I want healthy, alive babies, I am to follow directions. Simple enough. Done.
My husband is out of town next week. I am home alone. Doing nothing, with nobody here. What am I going to do? I will certainly read a lot. I will watch useless television. I will read blogs. I will wish I were working out, and the time will pass VERY slowly.
OOOh – I have a sonogram to see the little monsters on Monday – so I have that going for me!!!
This past weekend I went to Austin with my husband who had to be in some meetings on Friday. I stayed at the hotel and read by the pool. I have never felt so useless in my life. It is becoming hard, after only one week to stay home and do nothing much. I find that I have little to talk about or contribute. It is an odd feeling, and one I remember from when I stayed with each of my girls after they were born. It is not that I don’t have anything to contribute at all, it is simply that my job has always defined much of who I am (at least to me). I take great pride in how successful I have become at work, and although I hate my job most of the time, now that I am home, I miss being important. Sick.
Over the weekend we looked at a few areas and homes to get an idea of where we would look when we were closer to moving. We spent some time Friday late afternoon and all day Saturday driving around. I think we have decided on Leander / Crystal Falls / Wimberly as the most likely areas to live. We are pretty set on acreage and it is hard to find much land in Austin itself or many of the nearby areas. We also want a view of something other than the neighbors or concrete or businesses. That is a bit limiting in itself. Then there is what we titled the “snob factor”. We don’t want neighbors that have 16 non-functioning cars in their front lawn, or a tractor as a lawn ornament. We don’t want hippie neighbors that sleep on a “sleeping porch” (yes, we actually ran into people like this). We also don’t want something plain, ordinary, Plano-tized as our oldest calls it – housing developments where everything is the same, house after boring house. We are picky.
Now we wait for babies and the OK to move. It feels so close.
Who can resist the power of the pop tart? Certainly not me.
I am sure these posts are becoming more and more boring as the days go by...
Just to prove my point, here is what I accomplished today:
Ø Vacuumed the living room twice (just to make sure all the pet hair was history)
Ø Shampooed the living room carpet twice (see above)
Ø Vacuumed the living room AGAIN – to get up all the hair that the shampooer pulled to the surface, but wouldn’t pick up
Ø Dusted the whole room
Ø Cleaned the baseboards
Ø Cleaned the lower part of the walls where the dogs have made them dirty looking
Ø Cleaned the window sills
Ø Cleaned the blinds on all 5 windows
Ø Cleaned the ceiling fan
Ø Cleaned all glass surfaces
I didn’t get the mirror cleaned or the fireplace cleaned…I was too tired. 4 ½ hours was all I could handle. I am now wishing I were dead. Seriously. I was getting more rest at work. I told my husband that I am NEVER cleaning this room again, and I am NOT kidding. That carpet kicked my ass. *sigh*
Tomorrow’s agenda includes cleaning the bathroom in our room – because it has NO carpets! Hopefully it won’t take more than an hour or two at the longest. I tend to clean more than needed, so it could take the full two hours – but at least it won’t be as bad as today.
I also have to run some errands (home depot and find a bathing suit). That should be more fun than today.
I didn’t keep any of my childhood friends. No – wait. That makes it sound like I threw them out one spring while going through the closets. What I mean is that I didn’t do a good job of staying in touch. I have not talked to anyone I grew up with in many years. And, it makes me sad.
I only had a few very close friendships when I was a teenager: Erin, Annette, and Rachel were my closest of friends. Then there were others that I spent time with, but our relationships did nothing to compare to how I was with these three.
I met Erin at the youth group of our church in 7th grade. I don’t even remember meeting her – I just know that we were inseparable from almost the beginning. We were always talking on the phone, babysitting together, spending the night with each other, or getting in trouble at church for writing notes to each other. I cannot think of a week going by from 7th grade until graduation where I didn’t talk to Erin. And we didn’t even go to the same school. Erin and I started to drift apart after high school, and just never recovered. I got married – she was in my wedding. She got married, I was in her wedding. But things just were not the same. We were not the same. She has since had at least one child. I have had two and have two more on the way. I have been remarried – I have no idea who she is married to now. My mother has died – I have no idea who in her family is still around, or what they are up to. There was a time when I was closer to her family than my own…her mother Rosie and sisters Ann and Becky. I wonder how they are now… I have sent cards, and even once she sent one back, but those times we were close are just *gone* and we have moved on.
I met Annette while working the summer before my Junior year at the mall. She worked in the shoe department and I worked in domestics and fine jewelry of a big ole’ department store. We too were instant friends. Her father passed away once Christmas eve, which left her alone in her dad’s house at 18 and we seemed to make the best of that horrible situation... I remember spending days upon end over there planning our futures, talking about sex, working out, watching movies, going shopping. I even lived with her for a while before getting my first apartment when my mother kicked me out of the house (a story for another time). We were good friends just a short time longer than Erin and I were, but that too faded away. Once I was married and had children I guess my priorities changed…I didn’t spend my free time with the girls anymore, I spent it with my husband. My mom was quite sick and I know that took much of my time too.
Rachel and I met in 5th grade band class. We both played clarinet. We were not in the same 5th grade regular classes but we had similar sick/silly senses of humor and we just ‘clicked’. We lived fairly close to each other, and always went to the same schools through high school. We would take many of the same classes to spend more time together, and even double-dated a few times our Senior year (prom included). We were not as close as Erin, Annette and I were, but we had a very special friendship. We were around each other all day, and she personally made high school bearable for me. We both went away to Indiana University and she stuck with me through some pretty horrible college situations. Without her, I would have been lost and lonely. Rachel was also in my wedding, but that was really the last time we talked to each other or saw each other. Some very strange things happened at my reception, and I never really came to terms with them. My god parents were out in the parking lot and saw Rachel and another girl (her date?) making out. It was a little more than I could take at the time, although now I wish I had not let it bother me. I should not have felt threatened or strange by that situation, but I let it pull us apart. One more friend gone.
Somehow I let those precious friendships slip away. I sure do miss those girls – Erin, Annette, and Rachel. I hope they are doing well wherever they are…
I am six months pregnant today. I cannot believe that time has gone by so quickly. And yet at the same time, it feels like it is dragging. Explain that to me please.
What feels different from a month ago?
* Size: I am bigger. Much bigger. So much bigger. None of my maternity clothes fit except the ones that I bought REALLY big (my most recent medium and large purchases). I cannot tie my shoes without taking a break between shoes – it takes my breath away.
* Shaving: I cannot shave my naughty parts, because I cannot see them. This seriously drives me crazy because of the “new hair growth” itching. It is driving me crazy, but I am not about to ask my husband to take a razor to those parts…nope, not gonna happen.
* Eating: I cannot eat much at one sitting. I get full so incredibly fast. If I do eat a normal amount, I regret it for hours after because my stomach is just too full to function.
* Movement: The babies are moving all the time now. I can even see my stomach move when they wiggle around, which is a little freaky – like aliens in there or something.
* Energy: I have more energy than I did a month ago. I can stay awake all day without a nap if I need to and function on 8 hours of sleep.
* Sleep: I can’t sleep. I go to sleep ok, but I wake up so often that I feel like I am not sleeping at all.
* Readiness: I am emotionally more prepared for babies now. I am off work and have time to wash baby clothes, get things ready in their room, and do all of the planning needed to bring two new people into our lives.
* Time: As I said before, pregnancy seemed so far away before but is now creeping up on me. I am excited and nervous and scared and happy and so many emotions that it is hard to deal with them all. Is this normal?
Today was my first day of maternity leave.
Actual conversation from this morning:
Me: Guess what I am doing right now?
Me: Absolutely, positively NOTHING!
Husband: You suck.
And what have I accomplished so far today (besides sucking)?
- Cleaned our downstairs bathroom top to bottom. It is seriously clean enough to eat off of any part of it. It is a very small bathroom and it took over an hour to clean. It smells good, it looks good, and it is nice to cross it off my list.
- Went to Sam’s club to pick up all the big household items (toilet paper, paper towels, kitchen sponges, etc). This turned out to take a LONG time because the magnetic strip on my Sam’s card wasn’t working so I was shuffled over to the Customer Service line. Which is of course NO SERVICE to customers…it is merely a pain in the ass.
- Went to Walmart to get the items I could not find at Sam’s. Such a busy freaking place. Why does everyone go there – all at once? Parking is a mess. The parking lot is strewn with carts that people are too lazy to put in the cart bins/holders. The lines are long, the people are rude… I hate it there.
- Cooked dinner. And it sucked. I made some chicken and vegetable thing that I will NEVER EVER make again. It tasted like a pot pie without the crust and too many vegetables. Ick.
- Ate 4 pop tarts. Yes – 4, but not all at once. I am after all only human.
- Read all of the journals that I like, which I never get to do.
- Talked to the short-term disability people at Cigna. This was not much fun. I got the feeling that they really, really, really want me back at work. They kept quizzing me about my ability to take conference calls from home, or work an hour a day in the office. Like that is worth my time. I sent them to my doctor to discuss the issues. He is the reason I am home.
- Re-faxed all the paperwork that I faxed to Cigna last week because they claim they didn’t get it. I even have the acknowledgement printout that stated it faxed successfully, so I faxed that too. Grrr.
- Talked to my oldest daughter. Twice. She will most likely call again too. Her dad isn’t home tonight and she is not fond of her step-mom, so she likes to call and complain about her. I don’t blame her – the woman is not “all there”
- Read for a few hours.
- Surfed EBay looking at 1000 and 800 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheet sets, finally deciding that we cannot afford them. But wow – they are NICE.
- Watched That 70’s Show, because – who can resist that stupid humor? Not I.
And that about wraps it up. Still to come tonight – bubble bath and more reading. Don’t you want to be me?
Today I went through all of our old pictures from various boxes, bags, and drawers stored throughout the house. My goal was to weed out the double-prints, stupid pictures, blurry pictures, etc. and put the rest of them in albums so that they would not get lost or destroyed. I cannot believe how long it took.
I have a lot of pictures from when I was married to my daughter’s dad that I did not know what to do with. They represent a part of my life, of their lives, and I didn’t want to get rid of them, and yet at the same time felt funny putting them in our albums. I ended up putting them in a ziplock back to be transferred to a picture box with all of the duplicates that I didn’t put in the albums. What would you have done with them? I thought it would be hard for my husband to see them – to have to look at them mixed in with all of our pictures. But more than that, I guess I just don’t want to be reminded of that life every time I pulled out the pictures. Is that bad?
My husband told me to keep them so that the girls’ could have them and do what they want with them – put them in their rooms or in albums – since they are a large part of their lives. I think that was a good idea. So for now they are in storage just waiting for the girls to decide what they want to do with them.
It is always so nostalgic looking at pictures from long ago. Many of them 10-14 years old – from when my daughters were born and in their very early years – you know…the times when we took LOTS of pictures very regularly. I noticed some huge gaps – years at a time when I didn’t take (or maybe didn’t save) any pictures and it makes me sad. I hope that I learn from this and stop slacking off…but I know that we will get busy and forget the camera when we are busy.
I am going to try to set a goal to take pictures once a week. I don’t want to miss documenting any more of my children’s lives – not when I have days like today where looking at how they have grown and changed is so rewarding.
Our animals have it SO easy.
They get up when they want to. They eat when they want to. They play when they want to. They sleep when they want to.
Right now one of the cats is purring away in the gameroom while looking out the window. The other is laying beside me trying to distract me from the computer so that I will pay attention to her. One dog is laying on the leather footstool (hanging off on all four sides because he is so honkin' huge) and the other is laying in the backyard waiting for basket-ball boy to come up the alley so that he run around the yard like a maniac barking at him.
They have zero responsibility and are only here to be happy and get attention. I wonder if pets are a step ahead of us or behind us in the re-incarnation chain. I would guess they are of a higher life form and are being rewarded… well, I think that until I see them eating bugs, and dead birds, and licking their own butts… then I have to second-guess myself.
And no, I don’t really believe in re-incarnation…at least I don’t think so.
Today was my last day of work. For a long time. I won’t be going back until September, and it really doesn’t feel real. I am sitting at home wondering how I am going to stay occupied and entertained when I am not spending all day trying to avoid work. We have a lot to do in order to get our house ready to sell, but I am not supposed to be doing any of it. I am supposed to be taking it easy being lazy. I don’t know how to be lazy on purpose…I am only lazy when avoiding things I should be doing. I have decided to clean one room a day in the house. That will have our whole house cleaned every two weeks. I prefer a maid, but I also prefer not to pay one.
I am now almost 6 months pregnant. This is hard for me to believe. I never imagined I would make it this far – certainly not while still being at home. I assumed I would be on bed-rest or in the hospital by now, if not already done being pregnant. I am VERY lucky with this pregnancy (knock on wood) so far. I have so much to be thankful for right now.
It is nice to be home in a way. I can hear my husband working in his office, see him during the day…go to lunch with him. I can take my girls to the doctor or stay with them when they are sick. I can take the dogs for a walk during the day, or hang out with them in the back yard. I can read as much as I want and I can even lay in bed all day long if I feel like it – maybe, just maybe this won’t be so bad.
This will sound odd. I know this because it feels odd to think about, to write about. However, I read a lot infertility blogs. When I was considering IVF and going through the process I did quite a bit of reading, and the best information came from online journals… the women going through infertility and IVF were my best source of information and support. I am not infertile, I simply have horrible pregnancy issues and therefore a long time ago, when I was told I would never again carry a child to term, I had a tubal ligation. It seemed the best option to avoid a miscarriage – a miscarriage that was a result of my body not being able to carry to term, not due to problems with the poor innocent child inside me. I felt justified in my decision.
14 years later technology had changed. A lot. I could very likely carry close to term with help. IVF was happening all around me, and with fairly good success in some people. And, although insanely expensive, it could allow my new husband and I an opportunity to have a child together. I bit.
This leads me to the point of this rambling. I became involved with all of these infertile folks – essentially just through reading journals, but we all know how close we can feel to folks when we are really only reading (strange isn’t it?) And now, I am pregnant – and I just don’t fit. And it is sad. I know that online is not real life. I am not totally delusional. But I also know that I don’t have many real life close friends, so there is some comfort, some escape in the online community. Pathetic? Maybe. But it works for me.
I know that there are fantastic people out there who went through infertility and some that still are - and they are always caring and open and receptive to my comments and assvice. But I just don't always feel at home there...does that make sense?
This leads to a dilemma doesn’t it? I am not infertile. I am not even trying to get pregnant. I am WAY pregnant and most likely going to have healthy close to term babies. I suppose I need to find a community that supports my current state, but that is like moving across the country, going to a new school, and having to make new friends. It sucks.
This was my maternity leave plan:
Find replacement for when I am out – CHECK
Create transition plan – CHECK
Create financials plan – CHECK
Have replacement assist with March close so that they would know how to do April and on – NOPE
Train replacement for two weeks having them shadow me in my job – NOT A CHANCE
Shadow replacement for final week answering questions and assisting where needed – YEAH, RIGHT
See, my replacement just won’t make time to go over anything with me. This person has been unavailable for the past two weeks and now on my last week still has no time to learn how to do the job they are about to get. Needless to say, I am not very happy. Not at all. And, if I get pulled out on leave tomorrow at my appointment, they are going to be screwed. No help. And – I won’t feel bad for them either. I have done everything in my power to teach them this job, and they won’t spend any time on it.
So – on a call today where we review planned expenditures – a call where this replacement was supposed to be doing the reviewing, but didn’t show up – I stated that if they don't show up, they are all going to be left without financial approval. Guess what happened? One of the idiot men accused me of being upset because I am hormonal. That is right. I am not upset because I am trying to do a proper turnover and ensure that my financials and employees are not left unattended…I am simply mad because of hormones. Bastard! I was so mad, that I wanted to rip his head off and run over it with my car – several times. I am still mad about it.
I have spent months getting ready for this leave, choosing a replacement, planning everything, documenting everything, informing everyone – spending so much time on these things to make the replacement’s life easier…and it apparently was useless. And, I am pretty mad about it. Can you tell?
So Austin. We are moving to Austin. We are putting our house up for sale as soon as the babies are born, and are going to be showing our house with newborns in it. We – are insane.
But Austin! I am so excited about moving. Sad I won’t see my girls during the week, but excited to be moving. We have been looking at houses and ranches and places with LOTS of land. Ideally we would like at least 5 acres either south or west of Austin, with a 4 or 5 bedroom home and a built-in pool.
What we are going to end up with:
1) .0001 acres in the city with 5 bedrooms and we will have to build a pool (poor doggies, no room to play)
2) 1 acre north of town with a 4 bedroom home in an over-populated area forcing us to take I35 to work every day adding 14 hours to our commute
3) 2 acres in Wimberley, 4 bedroom home, 200,000 more than we want to pay
4) 5 acres in Leander, 3 or 4 bedroom home, barely livable, horse stables, and lots of dirt and trees
Sadly, number 4 sounds the best to me. We talked about it and thought that a house that we can either fix up, build onto, or tear down and replace over time might be our best option if it comes with land. We will most likely have to have a pool built which can be pretty expensive there because of all the limestone – but if we finance it with the house maybe it won’t seem so bad.
If we end up in the city, it will be short term – maybe 5 years until the boys are ready for school – then we can move to somewhere further out and maybe, just *maybe* we can afford what we really want. Right now we have school debt, credit card debt, house debt, car debt… so much debt. I will be happy if we can afford ANYTHING. But – AUSTIN….YEAH!!!
So what am I thinking about these days?
- I am eagerly counting the days until I go on maternity leave (T-6 and counting).
- I am looking online at houses in Austin so that we have some ideas for our house-hunting trip in a few weeks.
- I am trying to think about all of the things we have to do to our house before we can put it up for sale.
- I am looking at my husband and wondering how we will be when there are two tiny babies taking up all of our time.
- I am missing the close physical relationship we had to put on hold when I became pregnant…thinking how long it will be until we are back to that again.
- I am thinking about what it will be like to have two newborn babies and a house on the market at the same time.
- I am wishing I had more energy to keep the house clean.
- I am missing my girls every day that they are not with me.
- I am missing them now for the times in the future when I will not see them during the week anymore because we are moving.
- I am looking at our back yard and thinking that it needs serious help…and no, I am not doing anything about it.
- I am wishing I was allowed to work out like I used to – I miss that tired-because-you-worked-hard feeling.
- I am thinking about how exciting my new job will be, and how amazed I am that I was offered it.
- I am doing everything I can to avoid all work-related issues in hopes that they will remain at bay until I am gone and don’t have to do a thing with them.
- I am considering dinner options during the day only to order out for pizza when dinner time arrives.
- I am eating HORRIBLY and wondering why I am gaining so much weight during this pregnancy – DUH!
- I am reading more than I used to.
- I am laying awake most nights unable to sleep more than 15 minutes straight.
- I am walking around in a daze and a very grumpy mood during the day – due to not sleeping at night.
- I am trying to nap, only to find that I Just. Can’t. Sleep.
- I am wondering how I will occupy my time in 6 days when I am no longer working. Most of my time now is spent avoiding work… once it is not there to avoid, what will I do?
- I am looking at all the baby stuff and thinking “I should wash all of that and start to get things ready in case I am hospitalized early”. But am I doing anything about it? Hell no.
- I am reading other pregnancy blogs and looking at belly pictures…comparing the sizes – and I have no idea why.
- I am feeling my babies grow and move and stretch inside me and constantly thinking how freaky it is to be making babies. Inside me. Holy shit!
- I am watching my old wonderful figure disappear with each piece of junk I eat.
- I am trying to walk some every day, only to have each little expedition end in contractions and frustration.
- I am wondering why I was so intent on going through this whole pregnancy thing again…dear god, do I remember nothing about how hard this was before?
- I am feeling no motivation to do much but enough boredom to wish I were doing something.
- I am playing Fantasty Baseball for the first time ever and not doing very well.
- I am going to my daughters soccer games and marveling at how much she has changed over the past two years, and how grown up she is now.
- I am listening to my other daughter talk about boys and growing up and wondering how my mother viewed me at this age.
- I am thinking about the fact that my older daughter is going to be driving this summer and wondering how she grew up so fast.
- I am looking at college information coming in the mail for the girls and thinking how sad it is going to be when they go away to school.
- I am thinking about babies, babies, babies, babies – pretty much all the time.
2 more weeks of work, and I now have found a new job…one I am excited about…figures.
I was sent an internal job posting from an old boss that was PERFECT for me. I responded to it, telling the hiring person that I am about to go on leave so I was not sure how that would work out – and included my unbelievably fantastic resume (yeah, I wrote it myself). And do you know what? After one conversation with the man, they want me. They want me in spite of my going on leave until September. I wonder if they looked at a calendar. 5 months they are willing to wait. They are going to have someone else do the job in the interim, and then oust him when I come back…amazing. I hate to tell them that I am not that good – but then the whole “great resume scam” and “impressive, useless interview skills” will be out. But, I also agreed to read email and attend meetings when I can via conference call. I am a sucker…
Just back from my Peri appointment. Everything is FANTASTIC. All the contracting and ickiness has amounted to nothing. Boys are both 1 pound 2 oz, measuring almost a week ahead. They are on some growth chart right in the middle for their age...which we are assuming is GREAT news. They have all the right body parts - or so we were told. To me, the sonogram is a funny, mysterious thing. The tech swears she is looking at a kidney, or the brain and all I see is fuzz. Gray and white fuzz. I see no way telling the difference between most of the body parts. I told the tech that I felt like we were in modern art class... and I believed it.
Both boys are still - boys. So that is good. No gender operations have taken place while we were not watching. They are constantly kicking each other in the heads, which is a riot. My husband swears this is the beginning of the fighting that we will surely see more of. Think so? Yikes.
Other than that everything is fantastic. The doctor said that things look like we are not going to have problems - odds are in our favor based on all he is seeing...different kind of pregnancy for me!