Do-Over?

It is hard to feel like much of a parent when I only see my girls one night a week and every other weekend. By the time I pick them up at 6pm on Wednesday, the day is almost over. We go home, eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed. That is it. No time for games, or movies or fun. No real time to talk about much. No time to find out what is happening in their lives. I am barely a part-time parent. It is difficult. Try to discipline a child you see very little. Try to have any influence in their lives. Just try. It is extremely difficult. It is an uphill battle.

The weekends are nice, but they too seem short. Friday is over quickly. Saturday is full of sports and errands. Sundays are consumed by chores and homework…and Monday they are gone – leaving only remnants of their stay here. It is hard to let them go on Monday mornings…on any morning. I constantly wonder how I ever agreed to this visitation schedule.

When their dad and I separated, I was traveling a lot. I felt guilty for not loving him anymore. I wanted out and sacrificed a lot to make things easy for everyone. I wish I had not done that, but then I have two beautiful, well-adjusted, happy teenage girls…so it must be worth it, right? Right? RIGHT? Thank you.

I wonder how our lives would be different if we made different choices… if we could have a re-do. I saw part of Peggy Sue Got Married last night. Not the best movie ever, but not bad. She got a re-do. And she seemed to make the best of it. I wonder what each of us would do if we had that same opportunity. I am not sure I would want to risk the happiness I have now just to see if things would have turned out better had some decisions been different.

The unknown is a scary place.