I cannot help but think (outloud even) multiple times a day how happy and lucky I am to be alive. Yesterday morning I woke up at 3:15am and couldn't go back to sleep... I logged in and read a bit and finally got up and went walking at 5, because I didn't want to miss a minute of the day. I wonder how long this will last - this awe with life. I hope I don't lose sight of the importance of being given a second chance - of living.
A lot of people have asked what exactly was wrong with me - the overall ruling was Sepstic Shock and Acute Respiratory Disease / Acute Febrile Disease.
Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) is an acute, severe injury to most or all of both lungs. Patients with ARDS experience severe shortness of breath and often require mechanical ventilation (life support) because of respiratory failure. ARDS is not a specific disease; instead, it is a type of severe, acute lung dysfunction that is associated with a variety of diseases, such as pneumonia, shock, sepsis (a severe infection in the body) and trauma. ARDS can be confused with congestive heart failure, which is another common condition that can also cause acute respiratory distress.
They state I was in septic shock. This is considered a serious condition that occurs when an overwhelming infection leads to low blood pressure and low blood flow. The brain, heart, kidneys, and liver may not work properly or may fail. In my case my heart, liver, lungs and pancrease were affected - the kidneys and brain were just along for the ride.
To hear just how sick I was now freaks me out a bit... It could have ended up so differently. I shouldn't be alive according to the stats for Sepsis and ARDS. I had a 30-40% chance of living. How freaky is that?
Due to previously mentioned reasons, father’s day was all but forgotten at our house. This doesn’t mean it goes without mentioning. Todd is by far the most amazing, attentive, happy father I have met. And I have had a good chance to meet a few in my days on this earth (40 this year). I feel compelled to tell you why he deserves father of the year, so if you are here to argue with me….move along and lets part friends.
-And now why Todd is the best dad in the world:
-He gets up every morning and makes them breakfast….while I hole up in bed.
-He takes care of the boys at night when I just didn’t have the energy *It has been a long hard year in terms of my health.
-He LOVES nothing more than hanging out with them watching a ball game or running around the park “One more time”
-He has endless patience for Dorah who is equal to Satan for me, yet he seems to revel in it.
-He still has the desire for sex with his old 40 year old wife (does any guy ever lose this desire, because man…that would be sad.
-His mom lives with us – and he likes it.
-He is a better dad to my girls than there own.
-He raves about their cuteness, their fun nature, and their naughtiness with the same sly smile
-Baby…you are the world to me and our children…..I love you with all of my heart.
So how in the bloody hell are you? No - I am neither British nor married to a Britt – I just love the way “bloody hell” rolls off the tongue. Don’t you?
So where have I been? Sick. Sick a bit. And then there was some more of the sick. I am not even qualified to write much of this as I was on the ventilator restrained and sedated much of the time and too sick to type the rest.
The timeline looks a bit like this:
June 3: went to ER with strange rash on face causing swelling around eyes. Am given Multi pack of steroids which makes me puke all night long.
June 4: The next day we go back to the hospital because I cannot function and can only roll around on the floor moaning in the back of the car.
We return to the ER with headache and neck ache – puking and fever. They do a spinal tap and head CT and admit me – thinking that the high steroid dose is to blame.
They give me fluids and try to make me comfortable.
June 6: I am transferred to the ICU of the local hospital – not getting any relief. My husband at this time was worried and didn’t know what to do… He decided to transfer me to a local teaching hospital – Medical City Dallas – to their special care wing – which only deals with high risk highly critical cases. This is where my knowledge fades. I don’t remember the ambulance ride.
I don’t remember my chest caving in. I don’t remember the ventilator or versed or ativan. I just don’t remember.
Apparently at one point during
the spell I began pointing to letters asking if I was dying….
This of course freaked out my daughter who spent the day crying., I don’t remember getting the tube out…and I don’t remember much else until June 17. that is a net loss of 10 days…. 10 days gone.
From what I understand, it is best I don’t remember…..
I did have vivid visions while tranquilized – like the one where all the beefcake guys were lined up at the old coral bathed in BBQ sauce, or how I had planned to run away with a bunch of people to sell tickets to hockey games.
And then there was the one where I was sure that our dogs were real and I put them outside and of course as any chocolate dog would do, they freaking melted.
And then of course there is the one where the giant potato mound blew up every year on thanksgiving so everyone could have mashed potatoes…. Yep, doozies
I am happy to say that I am back in the land of the living and so so happy to be here.
Although I am still in the hospital, I am on my way out – and never happier in my life to be alive. Never.