Strange Days

I am amazed at how many people out there have had similar experiences with premature babies – you are all so sweet – encouraging and supportive…thank you.

It is still hard –because I don’t feel like I had babies. And I hate feeling like a third wheel in the NICU…it is like the babies belong to them and I am just a visitor – an outsider. I am not sure how to explain it, but I don’t feel like I belong there, and I don’t feel like I belong home without them. It is really hard to have no babies at home and I feel – well, lonely. Not so much in the sense that I have no friends or my husband isn’t supportive. I have great friends and my husband is wonderful. I just feel like the babies should be here and without them I am in limbo and feel incomplete.

I know that I will be tired and irritable and tired some more when the boys are home. I will wish for sleep and quiet. I know these things and yet I cannot be happy for the peace and quiet now. Why is that? I need these babies home to feel normal. So strange.