Motivation Lost

Where did my desire to do more, be smarter, move ahead, grow, change, achieve go? Did it fade away when I hit 35? I have no idea…but I can’t find it. These days I am content with 10% less achieved than the day before. I would be happy to sit in the hammock all day long reading. I just don’t feel like doing ANYTHING. This is difficult given the fact that I have a full time crazy-ass job which should take 18 hours a day to barely maintain. I have my regular responsibilities, and then I have an added few tidbits like a full time sales pursuit which I am leading a group on, I have financial responsibility for a very large part of our organization, I am responsible for our Six Sigma area. You name it, my boss has dumped it on me. All in addition to my regular job. RAHHHHHH (sounds of me going crazy). How do these things happen to people? Can I not say “NO”? Exactly where is my backbone? Perhaps hiding out with my motivation…

I went to the OBGYN yesterday for my first baby-related appointment. This doctor…is a riot. He talks like he is reading from a book. There is never any change in his tone of voice. All words are equally spaced and enunciated perfectly. If you ask him a question, he waits a predetermined amount of time, mentally turns to the answer in his brain-book, and proceeds to recite the answer to you. He even cracked a joke yesterday – reading style. No fluctuation in his tone of voice, no facial expressions, no hand movements. Freaks. Me. Out. I kept biting my bottom lip so that I would laugh out loud…it was difficult not to. I challenge you to try to make it through a reading session with this man and NOT laugh. Bet you can’t do it.

So Dr. Reads-A-lot said that everything appears fine – based on his very quick poking a prodding. They took some blood, handed me a stack of information and told me to return in a month when they will do pretty much the same thing. That was anti-climactic. I am so used to the dildo-cam and special attention at the RE’s office. It is hard to get used to reassurance that everything is ok based on no real interaction – and only seeing him once a month? What is up with that? I was seeing my RE every other day for a while. This might give me more time to work – but with the losing-the-motivation thing, I just don’t see that happening.