RoarkASaur

Coley Kong

What the boys do all day...

Tomorrow

So I am staring another round of Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet in the face. I plan to start (wait for it) … tomorrow. Only, I really mean it. I am going to the store this evening to get things that I can eat and then I am on my way. Today was fairly diet-friendly so far – eggs this morning with leftover burrito stuffing (beef, bean, and onion), with a little salsa and some low-fat cheese. Then I had some nuts for a snack later. I have had about a million glasses of water, but no coffee, soda or juice. The hardest part about this diet is all of the junk we have in the house…from beer to granola bars, to cereal, to chips, to wine – all things I LOVE, and cannot eat on this diet.

So the grocery list consists of rabbit food – celery, tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers – as well as other stuff like eggs, cottage cheese, laughing cow cheese, and Canadian bacon. Not at all exciting. I may pick up some teas (herbal) and some sugarless jello or pudding. Anything to add spice to my eating life. My weight loss goal is 20 pounds by May, which is achievable – it will just be difficult. If I continue to run (5 days a week) and work out (2 days a week) it shouldn’t be as hard as it has been up until now. I also will be cutting out alcohol which although a disappointment, will help with the weight loss.

I am sure there are other diets out there that work – I just have not found them. I have not spent a lot of time dieting in my life anyway, so my experience is pretty limited. I have never done Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any organized program. I tried Atkins a few times and gave up. Then I tried South Beach and it worked…so it is the one I go back to. So – this is about to turn into my food and exercise journal for a little bit while I try to work off the months of laziness that have settled in my butt.

Tomorrow – Day 1.

And THEN...

I have bitter-sweet news. There was no monster in our attic. There was also no source of the leak that is over-taking our bathroom. The first bit of news was the sweet. So does that make it sweet-bitter news? Does anyone care?

I keep thinking the boys are on the verge of crawling and then another day goes by of their rolling/scooting/squirming/rocking with not a hint of crawling. They are not sitting on their own either…they still topple over. And, they have no teeth. So what are they good for? Huh? Well, I will tell you. They are good for getting me up every hour all through the night. They are fantastic at getting so tired during the day that they refuse to sleep. They are great at spitting out anything resembling a vegetable. They are really Vikings when it comes to whining and fussing. And, they are pretty fly for white guys. Sorry – song stuck in my head. Danger of the IPOD.

I was “rated” at work today. It is what we officially call a performance review or something more confusing..not sure anymore. Anyway – they rated me as exceeds expectations. All I keep wondering is how that is even possible. Are their expectations so low of me that I exceeded them while being out for months upon months pregnant, giving birth, and then recovering from the ear-sucking MRSA illness? Damn, I didn’t know it was this easy. All these years I have worked my ass off for them and I coulda’ been slacking. Who knew? If I NEVER work, maybe they will rate me as Far Exceeds Expectations. And then I can be the queen. Or you know, not.

The Grudge

I worked out today. At a real gym. With weights, and steps, and an instructor. And HOLY COW – my legs, they are a hurtin’! I took a Flex class this morning at 10:15 for an hour, and now it hurts to walk. I cannot imagine how I will feel tomorrow. And – I didn’t go jogging. I had planned to run after the class…but that didn’t work out since I had already spent an hour goofing off at the gym and my company is trying to get me to actually work. Bastards. I would like to do that class every Monday and Wednesday if I am in town – what a great feeling to know I worked muscles that have started to atrophy over the months of doing nothing. Maybe – just maybe I will be in shape by May.

Perfect segue…

In May my husband and I and another couple are going to Mexico to see Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. I am so excited. We are flying to Phoenix and then driving to Puerto Penasco (Rocky Point). We are sucking up an expensive hotel bill because it is right across the street from the concert, and then we are hanging out on the beach and drinking – more than a person should ever drink. I just can’t wait. So this means that I have to actually look decent in scantily clad clothing…hence the working out. I put on my bathing suit this morning for motivation, and then I practically ran to the gym - it looked THAT bad. It is not so much the extra weight as it is the location of the weight. I don’t know that I look HUGE, I just look flabby. Hate flabby. Hate bathing suit. Hate my body. HATE!

I am currently on a conference call – and I happen to be the only one on. Does that make it a conference call at all? I am not conferencing with anyone. What a loser I am. I am like the kid who sits all alone in the cafeteria wolfing down her food so that she can hurry to the library where it is not such a big deal to have no friends. Not that I know anything about that…yeah.

In other news – our bathroom ceiling is caving in as I type this. We have some mystery leak that is threatening to take over our bathroom. My husband (who is conveniently out of town) suggested I climb up into the attic, all Grudge style, and see if the air conditioner is causing problems. I don’t know about you, but The Grudge was creepy and now I am not willing to climb into the attic for anything. Damn movie. Damn ceiling. Damn, damn, damn.

If you never hear from me again, it is because the monster in the attic ate me.

CIO

“Cry it out” is wonderful, in theory. However in reality it sucks. Bad. It is hard to hear the boys crying and watch the clock just to reach the minimum 10 minutes until I am supposed to go in and check on them…especially when Roark screams loud enough to wake the dead. It is sad to hear them cry. I wish that they were so well-adjusted and happy that they would lay their little heads down and simply drift peacefully to sleep all the while smiling happily at me and possibly mumbling “mommy, I love you.” Is that so much to ask?

We have been doing the whole jogging 21 days thing and have already missed one. We ran 6 days straight and then I caved and took Saturday off. We then ran yesterday and today – but I have not been up to par and have not jogged far any day. I am so out of shape and even the slightest northern wind makes me tired. Add a hill to the picture and I am barely able to function while running. Seriously. I used to run A LOT, and now – 3 miles is HARD…and I have to walk. That – is sad. I have run marathons for god’s sake – this shouldn’t be that hard. Yet – the year off to have the boys and recover from the ear-infection-from-hell has taken a toll on my body. Perhaps if I quite complaining it would be easier – but we will never know…

Names

We are guilty of nick-naming our kids and using those names way more often then their real names. I am sure it is going to be a great source of confusion when they are a bit older...

Roark:
Raorkasaur
Roark-a-dork
Dork

Cole:
Coley-moley
Coley Kong
The Mole
Kong

They both get called Butt at various times during the day - as in "you are such a butt" or "god, he is being a BUTT" - but only out of love...yeah.

There is also this really stupid cheer I do with Roark - and no, I don't know why:

Your big, B-I-G
and your bad, B-A-D
and your Roark, ROAR!!!!!

Stuff I think about...

It is hard to work and have kids. However, I think it would be harder for me to not work and have kids. I love my boys. More than I thought possible. I love being with them. I love the weekends and evenings with them. I love seeing them in the mornings. I love them – I do. But I am not sure how stay home moms stay sane. Where is the ‘break’ from the constant crying, whining, and needing? How do you find a ‘self’ outside of being a mom, or is the feeling of accomplishment from being a full time mom what makes you able to face each day? I struggle with this. I wonder how I would be able to do such a hard thing – take care of the boys 24x7 and still feel like a person outside of being a mom. Does that make sense or make me sound like an asshole – or both? I never wanted to be a stay-home mom. I don’t resent having to work. I am guessing that I just have not experienced the joy of being with the boys all the time, so I don’t what I am deciding against… you tell me.

I am starting to feel the subtle effects of my husband’s mother living with us. She is a wonderful person and I love her very much, however these days the house seems smaller and many little things that never used to matter are driving me crazy. I just really want time with the boys and my husband that is just ours…and we really don’t have that now. She isn’t intrusive in our lives, but she does live here, so there is really no down time from that. I can’t really explain it without feeling like I am ungrateful or mean – which isn’t my intent at all. I just really, really want to feel like a grown up that has her own family instead of a teenager babysitting while her mom is around to make sure nothing goes wrong.

I want a new job. One that doesn’t suck so much.

I actually do know how to write in complete, grammatically correct sentences – only I don’t feel like I think that way, so why write that way? Dilemma.

My ear…I am finally not taking high-powered pain killers but am still on the Zyvox for a few more days. I am seriously looking forward to finishing these evil drugs so that I can see if my energy will return. My vision is strange since I have been on this drug, my skin itches and my eyes are puffy. Dr. Google says it is an allergic reaction. I just want to finish it and get better. Do you realize that I have been sick since August with the damn ear thing? MRSA has kicked my ass this past year, and I looking forward to a healthy 2006. Seriously.

I have started running again after a very long break due to above freaking illness. My goal is to run 21 days straight and see if I can get back in the habit of it. I have heard that after 21 days of repetition an activity becomes a habit. I don’t know if it is true, but I do know that I need to start living a healthier life and this seems to be a good start. In addition we are eating healthier. I hate healthy eating. I love fast food and garbage. I also love all of my old clothes because I already own them – so instead of buying new bigger ones, I am going to get smaller and save some money.

I am addicted to American Idol. It is my crack. I look forward to it and no matter how horrible it is, I have to watch. Oh the silliness I fill my head with. Do you think I secretly wish I didn’t sing like a skinned cat and could audition and be loved by millions when I was the only remaining star at the end of the season? That WOULD be fun, but alas I cannot even hum without the neighbors calling animal control claiming there was something being tortured in our home – so you won’t ever see me on that show. Instead I will sit at home and make fun of the people trying to make it.

Dinners are boring. I am running out of new things to make and now only search for the easiest recipes I can find that don’t make me want to throw up. I – am lazy.

I wish I could take 3 naps a day every day.

My kids have been in their pajamas all day long and I have NO intention of putting anything different on them. No – I don’t live in a trailer and I am not currently wearing a tank top, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer while holding the babies. Plus – the little snowman footie pajamas are cute. So what if it is 60 degrees and sunny out.

Milestones

I am worried that I will forget all of these things that fill my days now. It seems like the boys are changing daily and I have not captured much of their progress. I don't take pictures anymore. I don't capture cuteness on video, and I don't write at all. I just know that my memory will fail me and I will wish I had kept better track of changes...

Playing: Roark and Cole are smiling a lot now, and they roll around quite a bit. However, they refuse to sit up on their own and tip over if you try to make them sit them up. They like to stand holding onto someone’s hands, but have no real balance of their own. They are very social now and love to jabber and watch everything around them. They both love to play with their toys on the floor – a little cheap blue rattle is one of the favorites. They also enjoy chewing on plastic books. They love the jumping chair, and tolerate the exersaucer-chair-thing. They each have a walker, but are only interested in those if they are by a window so that they can look longingly outside. They LOVE outside, and are usually fantastic on walks.

Demeanor: Roark still enjoys a good scream. He is a very serious child, and simply will not tolerate anything less than perfection. He is at his most annoying when in the car – he HATES the car. He hates it, and wants everyone on flippin’ earth to know. Have you heard distant high-pitched wailing lately? It was my son, and I do apologize. Cole is still the polar opposite of Roark in both looks and personality. He is the most fun-loving, easy-going baby I have ever been around. Everything is funny. Schedules do not matter to him, and he eats ALL THE TIME! 3:00am? Cole is hungry. Midnight? Cole is hungry. 45 minutes after his last bottle? He is hungry.

Sleep: We have started putting the boys to bed while they are still awake (instead of rocking them to sleep or putting them in the swing) and I have to say – they are not fans. Roark will hang out in his bed and play a bit, but when he gets really tired he begins his irritating screaming. He can keep that up for at least 20 minutes…maybe longer. He eventually roles over and goes to sleep. Cole on the other hand will fall asleep while hanging out in his bed, but if he conks out on his back, he will wake up way too early and refuses to go back to sleep. He seldom cries when going to bed, and will usually only cry when he wakes up if he is really hungry.

Food: The boys drink around 4 bottles a day. They eat cereal (oatmeal or rice cereal) for breakfast and have vegetables and fruit for dinner. They are learning to master the sippy-cup (if master means they are able to pour more on their faces then in their mouths) and are huge fans of cookies and other foods they can pick up and chew on. They HATE the baby foods that have any kinds of solids in them, but they can eat zwieback toast, baby biscuits, and cheerios. What is up with that? Freaks.

Crawling: They don’t crawl. They don’t walk. They don’t have jobs or pay taxes, but the do roll and scoot. They will sometimes rock back and forth on their hands and knees, but show no signs of mobility beyond that. Still, we can tell that it is right around the corner and are going to start baby-proofing this weekend. If we wait too much longer we could end up with injured kids.
Overall Analysis: Two normal 8 month old kids, who are only supposed to be 5 months old. They are a little slow if you judge based on actual age, a little a head if you go by adjusted age. Busy - busy, busy, busy. Always eating, or pooping, or crying, or playing. Always doing something, and very seldom are they sleeping.