Pencil and Paper

I am sorta into drawing - a recent hobby that I find relaxing. This is my latest picture, although it is not completed...I still have more work to do on the landscape and some of the shading. Overall though, it is my best one yet.

I think I like drawing because, like reading, you can get lost in the picture. I don't have to think about anything important when I am drawing. I can erase parts when I make a mistake. I can throw it away and start over if I really don't like what I have done.

I need a place where I can go...

I need a place where I can go
Where I can whisper what I know...
Where I can make my plans
And write them down
So I can read them

A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me
A place where I can go when I am lost
And there I'll find me

I need a place to spend the day
Where no one says to go or stay
Where I can take my pen and draw the girlI mean to be.

The Secret Garden
by Marsha Norman

Stupid Questions...and Equally Stupid Answers

What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
* Red Hot - a CD set I bought while drunk in the Virgin Islands from a television add. And - The reason I HAD TO HAVE IT: Seasons in the Sun. Heh.

What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
* Pizza...if there is any in there. Which there NEVER is. Oh Pizza...I love you so.

What is your secret guaranteed crying movie?
* You've Got Mail. The scene where Meg Ryan is talking about how she misses her mother so much that she can hardly breathe. I have been there. It makes me sad to think about it.

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
* Skin resurfacing

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
* I think all fears are irrational. I am afraid of bugs - which makes no sense. I am also afraid of making mistakes. Funny - doesn't stop me from making them!

What’s the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment?
* Silence - when faced with a difficult situation or question. I totally clam up and won't talk.

Are you a pyromanicac?
* Well - there was that car, and the first house, and those bugs, and .... yeah - right. OF COURSE NOT!

Do you have too many love interests?
* No

Do you know anyone famous?
* I have met a few stars, but don't really KNOW anyone famous. I don't hang out with the stars if that is what this question is getting at.

Describe your bed.
* The one I sleep in, or the "one I made so now I have to sleep in it"? They are two VERY different things! I sleep in a standard, normal bed. The other answer is way stranger.

Spontaneous or plan?
* A little of both...depends on the day of the week.

Who should play you in a movie about your life?
* If I am to choose a look-alike it is either Sandra Bullock or Laura SanGiacomo.


Do you know how to play poker?
* I could play, but I wouldn't win unless I was playing with 5 year olds.

What do you carry with you at all times?
* Attitude. Memories. Guilt.

What do you miss most about being little?
* My mom

Are you happy with your given name?
* I used to hate it because it is so unusual. Now I like it.

How much money would it take for you to give up the Internet for a year?
* None.

What color is your bedroom?
* Something boring and uninteresting. I am not sure why it matters...they are walls.

What was the last song you were listening to?
* This is embarrasing. Bloodhound Gang - The Lapdance is Always Better if the Stripper is Crying. Shush if you have not heard it - it is damn FUNNY!

Have you ever been in love?
* Why yes, yes I have.

Do you talk a lot?
* Not about the important things.

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
* I do believe in myself - however sometimes I let myself down.

Do transient, homeless or starving people sometimes annoy you?
* They never annoy me, but I feel bad for them - I feel bad for stray animals. I am secretly very compassionate.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
* Not as often as I should be

Do you spend more time with your husband, or your friends?
* Shouldn't my husband be my friend? Why should I have to choose?

What’s your ideal wedding location?
* I was married in a boat on Lake Travis...I loved that. Either a boat or a beach are ideal for me.

Which musical instrument do you play?
* I can plan the Piano, Clarinet, Oboe, Bassoon...some guitar.

Favorite fabric?
* Egyptian Cotton.

What kind of bedding do you use?
* Sheets, blankets - lots of blankets. The usual. What a stupid question.

Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
* Interesting question. Sometimes.

What’s the one language you want to learn?
* Spanish, Russian, Japanese. I know I was asked for one - but I want to learn lots of languages.

How do you eat an apple?
* Again - stupid question... I pick it up and eat it. Duh.

What do you order at a bar?
* Beer = Guiness, Mixed Drink = Margarita, Wine = Chianti

Have you ever pierced a body part?
* Yes. :)

Do you have tattoos?
* No. I don't think I would like it more than a week...and then what would I do with it?

Would you admit to plastic surgery of any kind of confronted?
* Yes. I have had it and am very open about it.

What’s one of the funniest things you’ve ever done?
* Tried to climb inside a pizza vendor's truck and assault him one night years ago when I was drink. Why? Because he had NO pepperoni. Yeah...

Do you drive a stick?
* One of our cars is, and yes I can drive it.

What’s the one trait you hate in a person?
* conceit

What kind of watch do you wear?
* Tag dive watch. No, I don't dive. But someday I might, and then - I will have a watch to dive with!

Most frivolous purchase?
* Thomas Pink Egyptian cotton shirts....oh baby they are nice.

What do you cook the best?
* Asparagus wrapped in Proscuitto, Stuffed Artichokes, Salsa, Chicken Enchiladas.

Favorite writing instrument?
* Black pen - NEVER BLUE.

Do you prefer to stand out, or blend in?
* Situation is important here. I like to blend in until I feel it is the best time to stand out.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
* I can't see a reason to do this, unless we are talking Halloween costumes - then sign me up!

What’s one car you will never buy?
That freaked out Element, or the newer Mercedes Paddy-Wagon looking thing. Ewwww. I love my H2 gas hog.

What kinds of books do you like to read?
* Anything I can get my hands on.

If you won the lottery, what would you do?
* Buy a cabin in the woods and about 30 acres of horse property in Arizona.

Burial, or cremation?
* I am not sure it matters... Which is cheaper?

How many online journals do you read regularly?
* More than I should.

Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of friends?
I would change in front of strangers...I really don't care. Silly question.

Mully

A friends dog is sick. He has been sick for over a week - barely hanging on.

My friend is sick. She has nodules on her thyroid, and they are worried about cancer.

I have been sick, but they only blame stress.
A year of stress.
Does funny things to a person.

ABCs and 123s

Things I have learned:

• When there is no deadline, no work gets done.
  My children will always use more minutes on their cell phone than there plan allows.
• My dog will NEVER get tired of chasing his ball.
• Jogging in 97 degrees is hard no matter what kind of shape you are in.
• The difference between replacement and disruptive technologies.
• There is something good that comes from every religion, and perhaps none of them are wrong - they are all different views of the same God.
• Every sunset I see is more beautiful than the one before it.
  

Legacy

I have two of the most amazing children on earth. It is true. They possess the ability to make me laugh, cry, turn red with embarrassment or anger. They are insightful, loving, driven, happy girls and are always full of wonder and awe.

They are also sneeky, strong-willed, opinionated, cocky, and way too cute to be trusted...ah, the challenge of children.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

Should people "learn" to be happy? What makes us happy? More important, what makes us unhappy, and how do we avoid it? I am not the one to answer this all-too-important question.

Some relationships exist when they shouldn't. It's something that seems right to do at the time, but one or both of the people involved are thinking short term, not lifetime perhaps. Some break-ups occur the same way. It seems the only way to solve a problem at the time. Breaking up is a knee-jerk reaction, not a long term solution.

Some relationships appear to be made in heaven -- the perfect couple with the perfect love-- the love that will last a lifetime. Only it doesn't last. Why? People can grow apart, their needs can change, but why?

What if you have to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye? How do you make sure you're making the right decision? Relationships die because the people involved fall out of love or never really were in love, right? Or they moved past their common interests and never gained new ones? Or the bonds that brought them together no longer work to hold them together?

How will I know what to do?

A New Day

Nina Simone says it best:

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by you know how I feel

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

A Wonderful World

This past weekend we had a friend come stay with us while his wife was out of town visiting family. We have all been great friends for quite some time - and just never get to spend enough time together. Anyway, we were all sitting around looking through pictures that we have accumulated over the past year and our friend came across a picture of his wife (from our rehearsal dinner last summer). He sat there looking at that picture for what seemed like forever - he simply disappeared into the picture, sort of floated away for a bit. Then – he looked up and said “I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but isn’t she the prettiest thing you have ever seen”.

And - this is not all. Later that evening the three of us were at a Japanese Steakhouse - and we were talking about politics, religion, babies, dreams - all of the things you only discuss with people you are very close to. We started talking about our thoughts on afterlife -

Is there an afterlife?

If not, what happens to us?

If not, why are people good anyway?

If so, what is it like?

Who gets to go?

and on and on.

And suddenly he stopped talking - and announced that "if we don't exist in some fashion after we die - if this is all there is - if I won't be able to see my wife FOREVER ... then goddamn - that really really sucks"

Now I know that may sound trivial and silly to you, but I have thought of very little since he said these things. They have been married 6 years, have worked together and now travel together and are together 24 hours a day… and he is still that nuts about her. Everyone should be that in love...EVERYONE.

The Un-motivator

So I have this new job, and it is really hard sometimes, and at other times – not so much. The problem is staying motivated during the –not so much – times. When I am not buried up to my eyeballs in work, I get sucked into non-productive activities such as watching Mad About You reruns, or throwing the ball for the dog. Yep, it is really that bad.

I should be planning, I should be trying to figure out what the next ‘big disaster’ is going to be and try to prevent it, I should be smart, proactive, wicked-efficient…but I am not. I am always one step behind where I should be because I don’t use the down-time to plan ahead. How bad is that? And how bad is it that I am sitting here writing a journal entry (which we can plainly see I don’t do often) instead of once again planning for the next big problem? But – in my defense, sitting here in the quiet office, listening to David Gray is just NOT MOTIVATING me to do squat. It is one of those hum-to-yourself and daydream-the-day-away kind of days…know what I mean? Maybe tomorrow I will be productive.

***********

I have several journals that I read regularly. I suppose we all do. And I will tell you – when those folks don’t update, I am miffed.

Why oh why don’t you update?

Don’t they know that I check your darn entries EVERY day – just waiting for some morsel of humor or inspiration?

Yeah – well, I hope nobody actually waits for me to update. I have yet to complete a dozen of these entries. I spend TONS of time reading – very little time writing. But you know, I am not much of a writer. Yes, I know that is obvious once you read any of these entries – shutup.

***********
I AM going to be productive today – I swear. That is unless Dave Barry has posted something new…