Sorry for Myself

29 weeks – and all is slowly declining. I had a sonogram with my Peri and a regular OB appointment today…and all signs point to “not much longer”. My Peri actually freaked out that I am still pregnant…which cracks me up. He said “wow, you are still pregnant” and I laughed. And he said “no – I am serious, you are still pregnant – wow”. How much confidence does that stir up in you? Yeah – me too. Babies are growing FAST. They have gained a pound in 3 weeks. They are 2lb 14 oz, and 3 lb 2 oz. They have healthy heartbeats and are doing wonderful. My cervix however is being put in time out. It has shortened to about 2.5 centimeters…which he was not happy about. That mixed with the bloody discharge and continuing contractions are reason to make them both think that I won’t be pregnant in a couple weeks for my next sonogram.

My OB checked my cervix and didn’t say much, other than he would be happy to get me to 32 weeks – when his earlier goal had been 34 weeks. He isn’t confident that I will make it much more. I am measuring like a 39-week pregnant woman – HUGE. I have grown a ton in a week according to him…and yet I have not gained a single pound this month at all. That puts me at 30 pounds since I became pregnant. My doctor said that I will be very close to pre-pregnancy weight when I leave the hospital…which would be nice, but I am not sure I believe him. My ass – it is so big.

We also discussed how they will handle the next few weeks and my delivery. If I have more contractions than acceptable, or my water breaks they will leave the cerclage in and start giving me magnesium sulfate to calm the contractions. They will also give me antibiotics and most likely keep me hospitalized until I deliver. They will not take the babies if my water breaks until infection sets in – so I could get a week or two even after that happens which would allow for more steroids for their lungs.

I will be having a C-Section. My Peri will not let me even try to deliver vaginally because 1) they are twins 2) they will be little 3) I have had a previous C-Section and he is concerned about ruptured uterus and 4) Baby A is breach and B is transverse. He will also not put me to sleep and insists on a spinal block, which I don’t want. I hate the whole needle-in-the-back thing. I have had an epidural and a spinal and both times I was so incredibly sick that I regretted them. Shaky, vomiting, dizzy, low blood pressure, blacked out – horrible experiences. But they don’t want to put me to sleep because it is risky for me and the babies – unless it is an emergency and they have to get them out in less than a minute…then they have no choice and the risk is the only way to save the boys. Creepy. So I won’t be getting what I want out of the delivery. I won’t be able to lift my babies when they are born, and I won’t recover as quickly. I am feeling very very sorry for myself.