What Do I Worry About?

When I was in sixth grade, I got thrown up against a wall at a track meet. I ended up with a concussion that lead to a fairly bad head injury. I was dizzy, throwing up, my vision was blurry. I pretty much felt like ass for days. My mom took me to the doctor and the barrage of tests began. Scans, vision tests, blood tests, x-rays, psychological evaluations, spinal taps – you name it, they did it. They finally discovered a clot, or mass, or something…not sure what really. It went away. By itself. Over night. Not sure why either. Everyone was baffled. I woke up, I felt better, they ran more tests – and saw no mass where it had been the day before. I went home and that was the end of the story.

Sometime during all of those tests when they were trying to figure out what was wrong in my head, I was sentenced to talk to a child psychologist. I went to this guy and he stared at me a lot and asked me some very open-ended questions in an attempt to find out if I was a disturbed little sixth grader. The only question that he asked which I still remember was If you could have three things – any three things – what would they be?

My answers:
1. All of the money in the world
2. A dad
3. For my mom to be happy

Based on these answers, my mother was told that I worry to much. I worried about money, I worried about her – he thought that was not normal. I of course, thought he was a quack. Still do. But – at the same time, I DO worry too much. About everything. All the time. In fact – I have this little sleep issue. My husband says it is more than little. I don’t sleep very well. Ever. I lay awake until the early hours of the morning and I think. And I worry. And I think some more. But – I don’t sleep. What do I worry about you ask? EVERYTHING.
· Money
· My kids
· My marriage
· My job
· Retirement (OK – so I am not even close to retirement, but I still worry about it)
· My nephew
· The day o f the week
· The placement of the stars in the sky

So - how do I stop worrying, stop staying awake? How do I become a normal awake-during-the-day, asleep-at-night person? Is there hope for me?

Must go worry about dinner now.