Have you ever played the I've Never game? Not much good ever comes of it...one person announces something they have never done - innocent enough, and people who have done that thing drink. The heartache comes when one person states an activity for the sole purpose of making a specific person confess to something they don't want anyone to know about. Evil, evil, evil.
I remember a bad game of I've Never. One where my boyfriends best friend was on a first date. We will call him Mark - pretty much because that is his name. His date, Miss Innocent, was a prize in his eyes. He had somehow ended up with a sweet, innocent, genuinely nice girl and I found it necessary to ruin everything. Oh boy the fun I had in store!
So we began the game fairly slow and innocent:
Me: I’ve never… tried cocaine
Some people drank, others did not
My boyfriend: I’ve never been to Mexico
Again, a pretty equal disbursement of drinking and abstaining
- And the game progressed. Nothing very exciting happening until my turn again.
Me: I’ve never banged Susan H in the fraternity men’s bathroom LAST NIGHT right before asking out Miss Innocent for our date tonight.
Yep. That is me. Mark and Miss Innocent didn’t make it through my evilness and this game ended just as most of the I’ve Never games ended in which I have participated…everyone left mad.
In celebration of such fun, I present a list of items that I’ve Never done. And I imagine this time, nobody will get hurt.
I’ve Never:
- tried cocaine, X, LSD or anything stronger than marijuana
- had sex with more than one person in a 24 hour window
- held my breathe until I passed out
- been arrested
- wished I lived in a foreign country
- wanted to go back to high school – or college for that matter
- wanted to be a police man
- drank so much I threw up, and then drank the next night too
- thought that revenge was a worthy thing to invest time or energy in
- seen The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
- used most of the things I learned in school
- liked soccer
- liked the job I have right now
- liked the color red
- thought I was pretty
- had enough energy to do everything I want in a day
- felt like I feel like I have A Plan for my life
- been to Mexico
- liked 70’s music, clothing, or anything about those years
- much liked the game I’ve Never