Times

We are dealing with some pretty difficult things over here...so if you are so inclined please keep us in your thoughts.

Late Nights and Early Mornings

I met an old boss for "drinks" tonight after the boys went to bed. I feel like such a poser going out for drinks, when I don't drink. The whole "let's meet for drinks" thing just seems silly to me now. It was great to see him and some of my old colleagues - but I have to say that getting home close to 11 (OH DEAR GOD - NOT 11!!) feels...late. And ridiculous. And to think some of them are still out drinking and they have to get up in the morning and work just like me. I don't know how they do it and I don't know how I used to do it. Mind boggling.

Waist Lines and My Inability to Understand Fashion

My clothes are big. I love that. I really do. I love that the working out I have been doing is making me more fit...looking better, and feeling better. I however don't like the lack of clothes that really fit me well. I have been researching skirts lately - wanting one to replace my favorite black one from Express. It was form fitting and buttoned up the back. It was simple, yet sort of sexy. It is a size 6. I wear a 2. I wore it today anyway, and it was a HUGE mistake. Damn thing was not exactly in staying-on-mode. So, long story mind-numbingly-longer, I have been looking online to find a replacement - and all I am finding these days are pencil skirts - which have a really high waist. Didn't we just all ditch that for the hipster types of jeans and skirts? Did I miss another fashion change when sleeping last night? God - I should have saved all of my old skirts - because apparently the stuff I wore back in the 90s is freaking BACK IN STYLE????

Anyway, I stopped at Express after lunch to actually see with my own eyes what they are selling and figure out my size...and low and behold...the high waist pencil skirts are IN STYLE. Still finding that odd. But not interested in arguing with those French people about what we should or shouldn't be wearing. Chances are pretty good that they are NEVER going to listen to me. I cannot match socks.

In case you care, I bought this skirt, and this one.

Columbus Day. Zombies Beware.

I do not work at a financial institution, but support one, so we follow their holidays. Today is supposed to be a holiday, a day of not working, a day of rest. Instead, today has consisted of meetings and emails and phone calls just like any other work day. I am not a fan of holidays that end up like this.

If I had actually been able to eschew work today, I would be at Ft. Worth's River Legacy Parks running right now. I was looking forward to an afternoon of running followed by sitting in the park on a blanket reading a book (Day by Day Armageddon - to feed my latest zombie craze). I thought that I may mix in a burrito the size of my head (Hello Chipotle) or the worlds best salad (kisses to you, Corner Bakery) and maybe even take a nap. Doesn't it sound lovely? Sorta like fantasy land? That, I am finding out, is because that day only exists in my fantasies.

Speaking of zombies. I have been reading a few books about them - and we have ordered one for our yard for Halloween this year. This has led to a lot of zombie talk in our house...talk that the boys have started participating in. Which is awesome. Is there anything funnier than 3 year olds talking about zombies? I don't think so.

Cole: Are those ga-zombies* on that book?
Me: Yes. Well - one is a zombie, and one is a good guy. The guy with the gun? A good guy. They one with the face falling off? He is the zombie. The good guy is going to kill the zombie and keep all of the people safe.
Roark: zombies are scary.
Cole: Yes, ga-zombies are scary. But I will help the good guys keep you safe. I will hit the ga-zombies with this bat. And this fly swatter.
Me: Make sure you hit them in the head. You have to hit zombies in the head to kill them.
Roark: When the UPS man brings us our zombie, I will hit it in the head with my bat.
Me: NOOOOO. That is not a real zombie. You only get to hit zombies in the head if they are moving. That zombie doesn't move - you cannot hit him.
Cole: I need to find some ga-zombies. Good bye.


* I don't know why Cole calls them ga-zombies, but it is cute, so I don't correct it.

25 Things About Me

I am not evasive
I do not enjoy playing pretend
I do not like to wait
I seldom cry
I miss drinking
I only see my flaws
I think through things way too thoroughly
I am a firm believer in "beat a dead horse" for no good reason
I love to read, but don't want to make time for it
I wish I had family outside of my husband and kids that I was close to
I wish I had remained in contact with childhood friends
I listen to a song I like over and over and over - until I am sick of it
I expect people to understand me without me having to explain anything to them
I don't like talking about my feelings
I don't like hearing about your feelings
Having children is one of the best things I have ever done
I feel old
I feel more connected to people I read about than some people I actually know
I over-react to most things
I love the tired feeling I get after working out
I hate coming into the office
I am already missing summer
I hate most sports
I love writing, yet seem to struggle over what to write about
Having to have our last dog put to sleep has made me less interested in pets

Shred Update

I started the 30 Day Shred on 9/20. A long 20 or so days later I have only missed maybe 3 or 4 days. I have to say, it feels good. It looks good too. Although now I am suffering from a new issue...please play tiny violins for me...or send the WAmbulance... my clothes - they are too big. I have invested some money recently in new work clothes, and it is freaking expensive. I picked up a dress, some pants and skirts and a few shirts. I also have a pair of jeans that fit very well, but then I have a pair that is a bit big and one pair that just doesn't work anymore. The pair that fits really well? Well, I am embarrassed to tell you the size (2). I thought that maybe the sizing was off...because a 2? Really? But - I am here to say that most of the 4s I tried on the other day (jeans, skirts, pants) were all too big. The really funny thing is that I have not lost a lot of weight, but I am a different shape.

All of this changing shape got me curious...what measurements are most celebrities? How do I stack up? I went on a google-mission and the results were staggering.

Julia Roberts: 34B-23-34
Halle Berry: 36C-22-37
Jennifer Aniston: 34C-23-35
Sandra Bullock: 33B-24-34
Christina Applegate: 35-23-35 1/2
Charlize Theron: 36B-24-36

That is just a sampling... What I want to know, is how do they fit their internal organs inside a 22-effing-inch-waist? What is that all about? 23, 24 inches? Seriously? Can you actually live as an adult built like that? What keeps them from snapping in half? Do you realize that they must wear like a size -4? A size chart I found said that size 24 inch waist is a 00. Is there really anything smaller than a double-zero? Because DUDE - that is crazy.

My measurements are embarrassing at this point.

Enough of that. No, really enough.

Loss

I had a dream the other day that one of my boys died. It was horrible...and it felt so real. The one thing that sticks with me from that is in the dream when I had to come back to work - I couldn't face the pictures in here - in my office.

Anyway - the sick dream got me thinking...how does someone ever handle something like that? It isn't like losing a parent - someone we know is not going to be here forever. We just never think about losing our children, and I don't think I am wired to be able to handle that.

Don't you love it when people write something depressing? You are welcome.

Catching Up

I am back home from all of the work travel, was able to head home last Thursday instead of Friday and had the whole weekend here, which was nice. I ended up taking two days off of the 30 Day Shred last week, making it three days total I have missed it in over two weeks. I think I have logged around 15 days...maybe more. Anyway, I am close to 1/2 way. And I see huge differences in my body. I actually have arm muscles. And stomach muscles. And they look GOOD. My legs are more toned - although I do admittedly spend a lot of time feeling pretty sore. It seems like every time I do level two, my shoulders scream at me for a day. I am hoping that the added muscle there will start to make those god damned push-ups easier...but so far I am not feeling like a viking in that area.

I have also lost a few pounds - 5 overall I think. The first week or so I think I actually gained weight. I find that annoying. Now though, I am starting to see it drop off a bit. I didn't really have to lose any, but a few pounds isn't going to hurt me. I only have about 4 or 5 pounds to go and I am at what I weighed at 21 before I had any of my 4 kids...nice. I cannot say enough positive things about the effects of that workout, especially based on the fact that it is only a 20 minute workout! I do however hate that trainer..and her skinny little posse. In fact, I have all but called each of them the "C" word during workouts. Ask Todd - I really hate skinny bitch and think Jillian is personally out to get me. I am not sure he is amused...but it gets me through the workouts.

The boys are good. Cassie seems great - Todd visited her a week or so ago, and said she is happy. Her dad is there this weekend for their homecoming festivities (against Cassie's will) - and I suppose everything is going fine.

Brittany's boyfriend came over this evening. Todd wanted to talk to him, and requested a little discussion with him. I have to hand it to the kid, he sucked it up and sat down to talk to us. He pretty much took responsibility for his actions, admitted he used poor judgment, apologized, and was VERY pleasant all evening. He even played with the dog, played with the boys, and stayed for dinner. Ruling now is that Brittany is grounded until the end of the month (she can have friends over here if we are home, with our permission). The friend of hers that tried to give her the sleeping pill and then said she didn't do it is never allowed over here again - as she is a shitty friend, showing continued poor judgment and lack of being sorry for being such an idiot and almost killing our daughter.

When Brittany is allowed to go out again, she will have to call us and verbally check in every 2 hours. She will not be able to spend the night at anyone's house, and will have a strict curfew of midnight. She will also be giving us a detailed plan for her evening so that we know where she is. "just hanging out" will not be an option. Eventually, once we start trusting that she isn't going to get herself in more trouble - or dead - we will back off of the strictness...but for now, that plan feels right.

We are working on once again getting her a lawyer so that she can move out of her dad's - long story there, but her step-mom has been horrible through this little mess and is repeatedly showing how she simply enjoys hating Brittany as opposed to parenting and teaching her. Her dad is sitting idly by not doing a thing about it, and Brittany is having to take the abuse and neglect...not good.

So - same verse, different day. Ah, circle of life - you kick my ass.

Not workin out

I spent the days in mindless meetings and followed up dinner with much of the same. I need a break. So I am taking one. Nighty night.

Workin out on the road

I brought The Shred with me on my trip. It sat on my desk mocking me until I finally worked out. I didn't bring weights, opting to use two bottles of water in order to feel like a complete and total idiot. Mission accomplished.