Do-Over

Sitting outside Plano West High School, waiting for Cassie. Watching the kids return from lunch…long hair, tight jeans, big jeans, leather coats, Uggs, Coach bags, Prada sunglasses, Dolce and Gabbana sweatshirts, Juicy sweat pants…the uber-popular, the emo, the loners. They are all trying to fit in. They are all trying to figure out how they fit into the world in general. I look at these kids and I do not feel even a little melancholy about those long lost high school days.

I hated high school. Hated it. We have already established exactly how shy I was. It consumed me. I was involved in activities, but didn’t venture out much – didn’t ever position myself outside of my comfort zone. I had some good friends. I have some good memories, but I WOULD NEVER DO THOSE YEARS OVER AGAIN.

In fact, When I really think about it, I am certain there are not many parts of my life I ever want to see again. Part of this is due to the shitty up-bringing I had. But a huge part of this is that I love my life now. If I were to change one thing in the past, would it alter the outcome, making my life now, different somehow? I wouldn’t want to risk that. I wouldn’t want to risk not marrying Todd. I wouldn’t want to risk not having my 4 kids. I wouldn’t want to lose the few close friends and family that I have.

How about you? Would you take a do-over? If so, what would you do differently?

Shy

I was recently reminded of exactly how shy I was in high school. I received a message on classmates.com. I wander out there every few months just to see who has gotten fat, had kids, gotten married/divorced…you know, for fun. Well, I had a message from a guy I had known since 7^th grade. I actually had a crush on him in 7^th grade, but we were never really in the same circle in high school and didn’t talk much or hang out.

We emailed back and forth a few times – the typical information – married, kids, job, etc. He said that the one thing he really remember about me was how painfully shy I was. And, it is true. So horribly, painfully shy. I am very, very glad that I overcame that character flaw and that my kids don’t seem to have inherited it. I wonder when I changed? I wonder what made the difference?

Atlanta - you suck. Give us back our stuff!

My husband just called. His rental car was broken into (thank you citizens of Atlanta) and pilfered. They stole his laptop, iPod (what will I do without music people?), Porsche keys (meaning I will have to drive to the airport tomorrow night and take him our spare set), his really cool Harman portfolio that cost an arm and a leg, and other miscellaneous stuff. Tomorrow happens to be the busiest day of the week for me since the girls are here, Brittany has driving class, Cassie has some class art project thing to work on, I am here with the boys, and now I have to go deliver car keys an hour away. My glass is nowhere near half full. I am sure Todd is just as annoyed - but this is all about me and my complaining...so we won't dwell on how it is inconveniencing him.

More of the glass half full:

1. I worked from home today, meaning I didn’t have to get all dressed up and drag myself into an office full of people I barely talk to anyway.
2. I ate junk for lunch…and it was GOOD.
3. I considered running, and then laughed so hard that I think I pulled a muscle. I consider that exercise.
4. The boys did not appear to take a nap from the sounds of it, so they will be really, really tired tonight and maybe even go to bed without a hassle.
5. I am getting take-out for dinner, so I don’t have to cook.
6. I painted my nails bright pink. They are festive. They are also getting long. They were acting all puny and short for a while, but are looking much better lately.
7. My house is freaking SPOTLESS. The cleaning people were here yesterday and for some reason decided to break out the steam cleaner and did the carpets! Our carpets were screaming to be cleaned. They look very, very good.
8. My VPN is not working, so instead of working on work stuff I am doing things that are fun instead.
9. I have pinpointed my blue screen of death issue down to only happening when I am using the wireless card in the laptop. When I use the broadband card, it doesn’t freak out. So – either I need a new driver or a new card, or something else. My technical understanding is at its limits…I won’t pretend to know more than I do.
10. I placed a call to our company technical help desk and didn’t yell at anyone the whole time. This is a HUGE step forward for me.
11. I am almost caught up on work stuff. I have a few people-related things looming and a huge project about to come due, but overall, I am not very far behind anymore.
12. I feel pretty good today. Head? Stuffy. Cough? Losing a lung. Ears? Leaking. But – in spite of all that, I feel better than I have in weeks. It is progress. I like progress. I think I am at the tail end of this cold and I can finally see an end to it just around the corner.
13. Todd is coming home tomorrow. He is gone – did I mention that? Because it sucks when he is gone. It is better when he is here. With me. I miss him, but he is back tomorrow…so YEAH!
14. Tomorrow is Wednesday. The middle of the week already. Then, only two more days until the weekend. I know, I know…I am looking pretty far ahead, but it works for me.

Now of the glass half empty variety:

1. Not only is my VPN acting up, but my handheld won’t download any of my mail. I have rebooted it to no avail. I am dead in the water as far as work goes at the moment, and at 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon…this is NOT a good thing.

Things I Learned Today

1. The Curious George soundtrack is by Jack Johnson. I really loved the few Jack Johnson songs I have heard (at our local coffee shop), so it is no surprise that I like the music in that movie.
2. My laptop has been getting all up in the Blue Screen of Death’s grill lately. And – I finally figured out that it only happens when I am not docked at work. Which means…well, maybe it means that it has to do with the wireless drivers I am using. Or there are poltergeists in our house and they are causing my laptop to freak the fuck out. One is just as likely as the other, don’t you think?
3. My left mastoid is screwed. MRI scans came back stating things like “fluid collection within the mastoid air cells”, “irregular areas of linear enhancement within the fluid collection”, “frank inflammatory change” and “findings are worrisome for mastoiditis”. Which doesn’t really sound like a stellar report card. My mastoid has been seriously under-achieving. It is grounded.

The Fog

Driving home from the movie, I Am Legend, last night, we were surrounded by fog. Visibility was a mere 20 yards in some spots. To say I was a little freaked out is an understatement. I liked the movie. I thought about it. We talked about it. I dreamt about it. I woke up thinking about it. Apparently this is the year of being creeped out.

I am on day 5 of no taste or smell. I had a brief reprieve last night for a few hours, but I am back in the land of the senseless today. All I can say is that I am pretty sure that ridding people of taste and smell would be a HUGE HIT on the diet circuit. Ummm, if there is such a circuit. I don’t know where this new symptom came from but can only guess it is a result of the havoc my lungs and sinuses are being subject to. CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS TO GO AWAY.

Only 4 weeks until vacation. 4 weeks! 4 days, no kids. Unbelievable.

Possessed

Shortly after we moved into this house I started having some strange dreams. I had the same dreams over and over again…usually not changing at all. It was creepy and then creepy some more.

See, the house we moved into was about 100 years old, and very strange. It had been a Notre Dame rental home for quite a while and I have to wonder if there was not some Satan-worshiping going on there at some point.

The house had a basement – as was normal in the north. You could come in the side-door of the house (one of four doors into the downstairs, which is really an odd thing to see – if you ask me).

The house was heated by oil, and had a room in the basement that held the oil drum which created the heat. That room was a small, musty, concrete room – nothing special, but not a place you would really hang out in. I would give it a creep-factor of maybe 4 (out of 10).

There was also a room in the basement that was completely ROUND. It was concrete as well. The round walls were concrete. It was painted red and had red carpeting. And dude, it was the ultimate creep-fest. I would give it a creep factor of 10. It was obvious that this room was an add-on and not in the original design.

My dog would NOT go near the basement. He would stand in the kitchen and bark at the basement door. It really was odd…and made me hate that basement. I would avoid it at all costs. I still blame it today for my hate of the task of laundry (Perhaps misplaced hate, but who cares?).

Anyway, the dream (of which I will spare you all the details because reading about dreams is BORING) was so creepy. It centered around some sort of thing that was in our basement – a spirit or entity or something. The dog wouldn’t go down there in the dream either. I did go down, and in the middle of the floor was an aerosol can with the word LUCIFER written on it. I kept trying to get rid of the can and it kept showing up all over the house. It was pretty odd – considering this was prior to my mother’s holy roller phase, and I didn’t know what this word meant.

I told my mom about the dream. I refused to be anywhere near that basement. I wanted to just not be in that house at all – it was creepy, creepy, creepy. With its 7 layers of wallpaper walls, to its strange stains on the walls, to the odd company that was our neighbors. Everything about it emanated POSSESSED.

I guess my mom was freaked out a bit as well. She actually had a priest come bless the house. It was a strange ceremony and I am not really a believer in the evil stuff that people speak of – but it seemed to make things better.

Three Hands

A day that was packed FULL of meetings has suddenly shifted, leaving me some FREE TIME. Oh good god, what will I do with it? Now on the one hand I could catch up on email, and actually look at my to-do list. Who knows, I might even be able to cross off a few items. I could work on staffing…which desperately needs my attention. I could deal with a looming employee issue that I need to get on.

On the other hand, I could work out, or better yet – go for a run.

And on yet the other hand (shut up, I can have three hands if I want) I could take a nap.

The third hand wins.

Tapering

So our ½ marathon is a few weeks away. We should be tapering our training runs, but how does one do this when they are not training AT ALL? I am perplexed. I cannot get less active than I already am. Perhaps I should try to run around the block at least once and see how I do prior to that race…

Glass Half Empty

I have never had a very high self-esteem. I migrate toward the negatives in things – dwell on the glass half empty stuff. I wonder…why that is? Is it how I was brought up? Is it just how I am made? What can I do about it?

I have started writing down the “glass half full” stuff pretty much every day. I think it helps. At least I am looking for those things throughout the day, and therefore think that I must be spending less time thinking about what I don’t have / what is going wrong / the difficult stuff.

So, pump up your self-esteem. Give me some glass half full shit. What is good in your part of the world?

President

The democratic debate is on CNN right this very minute. It is playing in the background, but I am having a hard time paying attention. I know talking politics is taboo, so I will skate around the issues I have with it and just say that I need a cheat sheet for each candidate with an IN BLOOD promise to actually do what they say. Wouldn’t that be cool? If the person we actually elected did what they were supposed to – as opposed to what the party states or what is popular. Also, I just cannot accept Hilary as any real candidate. That little smirk just makes me want to ask her what she is thinking… And also? Dress like a man much? “I want to get the money out of American politics” – really? How are you paying for your campaign? Seriously…I am not cut out for a lobbyist career, am I right?

Pride

My daughter is compassionate and kind. She thinks of others above herself. She is happy when she is able to improve the lives of others.

Cassie came home from work last night and told us that her boss’s husband had suffered a heart attack. She recalled what helped us most when I was sick over the summer. It had been the kindness of others, by way of bringing food every evening, that made my family’s life so much easier. So, she immediately sprung into action and guilt-tripped everyone at work into bringing food to this person for the next two weeks. Everyone has signed up for a dinner – which is so wonderful.

I remember when I came home from the hospital – after having been in there for pretty much 3 months. My staff had brought dinner every night and continued to do so for 2 weeks after I came home. It made such a huge difference to me, to my husband, and apparently to Cassie.

On a lighter note, the boys will now chime in un-provoked and announce “that’s what she said” – and it even follows some perfectly inappropriate comments. I am so proud of them ... in a different way of course.

Watching the Clock

Todd is in Dubai. I am home with the boys, the girls, the pets, and my thoughts. Right now I am thinking that I wish I was in Dubai.

It is only 10:00am and I am already looking forward to when the boys take a nap. Death Cold 2008 is in full bloom here, as it has been since it morphed from Death Cold 2007. This version of the cold (Version 7.0 for those curious minds out there) brings with it a nasty cough and a runny nose. The cough medicine then makes them tired and grumpy on top of the already tired and grumpy caused by the cold. Oddly, the cough medicine does not appear to help with the cough – which became very obvious at both midnight and 2:30am when Roark decided to wake up hacking up a lung. Both times I brought him into bed with me, and both times I ended up putting him back in his own bed after being kicked in the kidneys repeatedly by a thrashing, tossing, turning, coughing toddler.

So far today in order to appease them, I have read seventy gazillion books, watched the end of Cars, the beginning of Ice Age, colored, played cars, played trains, given them a bath, and am now watching (PRETENDING TO WATCH) Dora’s Pirate Adventure. I would imagine the rest of morning holds more book reading, movie watching, playdoh playing, baseball playing, soccer playing, lunch making followed by refusal to eat and pee-cleaning up.

Oh come on – you know you want to be me.

The Crazy - it is EVERYWHERE

I went to bed last night, thankful that the craziness would not continue to haunt me in my sleep. I was hopeful that today would bring enough free time to perhaps pee during the day, but alas it did not. Back to back meetings from 8:00am until close to 5, and then work on top of that. I didn’t get out of there until close to 6:00, which isn’t bad, but then after getting home I spent another 3 hours working. And I have not made a dent in the stuff I have to complete by Tuesday. These past two days have just been riddled with the people-care aspect of my job, leaving all of the other things piling and teetering, threatening to fall all over the place. I really need to come up with a way to manage all of this and not go crazy. Yes – short drive. Shut up already.

The boys BOTH have round seventy-billion of the Death Cold. Runny noses, coughing, irritability – wait…maybe that is the just 2-year-old in them shining through. How am I to know?

Somebody had better talk me off this ledge…

And I mean FAST. The crazy people have crawled out of the crevices today at work. Anything that could go wrong…did. I received calls from almost everyone about things that are either broken, breaking, alarming, frustrating, annoying, and just generally fucked up.

My ability to fix most of these things is seriously limited. I have fired off more emails and made more follow up calls on all of these different issues than any person should make in weeks, let alone a day. Yet, I have made little to no progress because I am spread so thin across seventy-billion issues.

This is one of those days where I want to pack my stuff up, drive to the dunes, and lay in the sun all afternoon…which is something I would have done high school when things were simply too overwhelming. Does this mean I am getting dumber / less tolerant / un-evolving? Shouldn’t the crappy stuff become easier with experience?

Wild-Ass Kids

You know the line from As Good as It Gets – “you make me want to be a better person” – well the boys make me want to be a better person, but they also make me want to bash my head against the outside brick wall repeatedly until I pass out.

My children are broken. Please send help. Linda mentioned that the hour before Riley’s bedtime is bedlam at their house, and it is the same here. Perhaps it is part of being two years old. All I know is that our kids morph into some sort of raging-zombie-freakout-toddler around 7:00 every evening. Very little will console or sedate them. “I wanna go upstairs, mommy’s room”, “I wanna go downstairs, watch Cars”, “I no want Cars. I want Shrek”, “No Shrek, want Cars”, “I want milk”, “I want blue drink” – all done in the most annoying, high-pitched, toddler-whine known to man.

And now a monologue by Roark, followed by one from Cole. This was post-bath and I have no idea where this came from:

And I went to the park on that day and I won’t spill it. I won’t. Did you give me that Airborn? You did! He said speed. And I say OH CRAP just like today and I wanna go. And I went to the park and went pee pee in my potty and cole pooped at the park and I said hi to that boy. Daddy – I have… I have some airborn. Did you color? I like do it. I like…to have that pen – color, color. I just like color. I wanted to color and… I like color. I just like color. I don’t like Cole say that. I just don’t. Mamma don’t color with that pen. I like do it. I just don’t want you do it. I like that pen and just like do with myself. I just like do it.

Then he took a breath.

And right after this Cole said:

I have a hammer.

And that was all he had to say.

Although earlier, right before his bath after they both had taken off all of their clothes he announced: “That is Roark’s butt. This is my butt.”

He is a man of few words.

I fought the law, but the law won.

I am the proud new owner of a speeding ticket. 66 in a 55. I was actually going 70, but hit the breaks in time to get recorded slower. I showed them, didn’t I?

I used to have a very serious lead-foot. I was accustomed to budgeting a few tickets a year into my finances, and knew our attorney quite well. I am no longer this adept at the ticket-getting-out-of and now need to decide what to do. It appears that I get to choose between taking a defensive driving course (I don’t think so), deferred adjudication, or just paying the damn ticket already. Nothing fun there.

I was however surprised when the (dumb-ass) officer handed me a nicely printed ticket akin to what you may get from Hertz after renting a car. They have finally automated the whole process making it easier to read just how fucked you really are. Nice of them.

Strangest Movie - EVER

We have been trying to watch Pan’s Labyrinth for weeks. We will watch some of it, decide we don’t feel like reading subtitles and then turn it off. It is a very good movie – engaging, interesting, creepy…and yet the subtitles are giving me tired eyes.

We went out with some friends the other night to celebrate a birthday – yet another test of the newish “no drinking policy” around here. There was plenty of wine, crown, scotch, beer, and other drinks to go around, and yet we had none. I didn’t miss the taste at all, but I did still miss the way it loosens me up – makes it bearable to be with a big group of people I don’t know, without feeling like a social misfit. You would think I would have outgrown that in 8^th grade, no?

Our home PC took a crap a few weeks ago, so now we only have our work laptops, which is going to be a giant pain as soon as the girls have something they need to do for school. I imagine we are going to have to remedy that situation sooner rather than later…oh how I love spending money. Speaking of which, we were actually UNDER BUDGET this past week. Nice way to push into the new year. Now if we can keep up that trend for a few more months we can make up for the crappy November and December we had due to birthdays, Christmas, and all of the stuff that happens this time of year.

I did some stupid googling on the odd sores on my fingers and palms and came up with Osler’s Nodes as a fairly good match. They are a result of vasculitis / endocardidtis (either auto-immune or infection of the heart). I love how specific these explanations are – either it is one thing, or something completely different. Huh. Apparently you don’t need to know a damn thing to be a freaking doctor these days. I totally chose the wrong profession.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, after being off all week. This just makes me sad. Work for a living? Unbelievable. I would much prefer sitting on my ass eating chocolate and planning our next trip out to the park or our next big vacation. But then, who wouldn’t?

OHMYGOD – they just sawed off a guy’s leg in this movie. He was a wake. Un-medicated. Insanity. The torture, the cruelty, the strange creatures – this movie is one of the strangest I have seen…

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

PTBC has gone well. Today completes day 4, and we have made significant progress since Monday. The boys have very few accidents, although they still don’t understand that whole “poop goes in the potty” concept, so we are subject to cleaning up a lot of yucky messes. But the pee seems to be under control. They are now at the point where they will either sit on the potty themselves, or tell us they need to go – even if we are outside, at the park, or anywhere other than home. So – overall we consider it a raging success.

The first few days were horrendous. And by that, I think that a root canal without anesthesia would have been preferable. The boys did ok, but Todd and I were on edge constantly. We set the timer for every 15 minutes and made them sit on the potty – trying to get them used to using it. Accidents were frustrating, making them sit when they didn’t want to was frustrating, and we were tied to the house, which was frustrating. However, after a few days, we all relaxed a bit and things just…became easier. It is as if the whole “potty training process” was more for us adults than the kids – used to get us accustomed to things not going perfectly and learning to give the boys some independence.

I had an MRI today of my head. I think they are looking to see if my brain works at all. I could save them the trouble, and tell them NO, but they were not very interested in my medical opinion. Hmph. I was supposed to be sedated because the whole MRI, feeling like you are being buried alive thing sucks, but the valium and xanax they gave me did NOTHING. I was still freaked out and hated it. As soon as I got home though I was T-I-R-E-D and needed a nap. Figures.

In other news, I gave my husband a ski trip to Breckenridge for Christmas. We are headed there for 4 days without the boys in February. You have NO IDEA how excited we are about this. We did take one trip without them for a long weekend to Mexico a year ago, and it was wonderful. I imagine this will be even better. Just the two of us in friends condo – skiing, going out to dinner, playing cards, scrabble, doing naughty stuff – all the perfect components of a vacation sans kids. I think the girls are a bit jealous, but they will get over it.

Right now we are watching (reading) Pan’s Labyrinth. Not sure I recommend it –as it is a lot of work to read the subtitles and watch the movie – the lazy in me feels cheated. Will have to let you know what I think when it is over.

Tomorrow will consist of more potty training, laudry, paying bills, cleaning up the house a bit in preparation for the maids to come Monday, and a few trips to the dump to rid our house of Christmas boxes, rose bush cuttings, and old crap that we just don’t need anymore. Here is to de-cluttering!

Boot Camp, Day 1

Potty Training Boot Camp Day 1 went well, I think. It is hard to say… I wanted them to magically be potty trained, and yet we are not there…but, but, but – tonight after bath time, we had put diapers and pajamas on the boys and were hanging out until bedtime. All of a sudden Cole popped up with “time to go potty” and he stripped down and went to the potty – all by himself. I didn’t really expect this since he kept having accidents all day, but maybe, just *maybe* he is catching on. We have all week to find out.

Roark seemed to catch on a little better. While outside playing soccer with Todd, he stopped, ran inside, went potty, and then went back out to play. This surprised us both. Of course no more than 30 minutes later he had an accident. But – they are just figuring all of this out. Tomorrow will be better.

Our method – which may suck when scrutinized too closely – is to set a timer for every 15 minutes, and then have them sit on the potty. They don’t have to go, but they have to sit for a little bit. We have been reading to them (new books we were saving just for this) and talking to them and have movies on – just to keep them interested (or distracted really) until they pee. We also bought them their own special underwear (Cole picked out Cars and Roark picked out Diego) which they are excited about. They of course peed in them, but they liked them.

Tomorrow is PTBC Day 2. Should be a fun one. Cole has an appointment with a plastic surgeon for a hemangianoma he was born with and needs to have removed from his lower back. I can just picture taking the potty, changes of clothes, bribes, books – it will just be the MOST FUN EVER.

Death Cold, Round 2

The Death Cold has made its way full circle through our family and we are now in the midst of round 2. Cole is the latest victim. He ran a fever yesterday, although he didn’t act like he felt too bad, and then today it started climbing around 103. I know that high fevers are not a big deal in little kids, but it still makes me uneasy. Should we put him in our bed tonight? How often should we check on him? When did he last have Tylenol? Motrin? What is his temperature? Should we take him to the doctor?

This afternoon Cole started complaining about a sore ear…so off to the after-hours pediatrician we went. Neither of the boys have been sick much. In fact, they both have only been to the doctor one time for something other than shots / checkups…so we don’t really hang out there at all. But – I didn’t want to face a long night with a raging fever AND a possible ear infection. Turns out his ears are fine (of course they are) and he has a simple upper respiratory infection like the rest of the world. Now, if I had NOT taken him to the doctor, he would be dying of mange (or you know, something PEOPLE actually get…) but since I did the whole doctor thing, I ended up looking like an over-protective mother with a perfectly fine son.

Tomorrow is Potty Training Boot Camp, Day 1. We have Cars™ and Go Diego, Go™ underwear keyed up, along with robes, new books, plenty of movies, and no intention of leaving the house for days. Plan on being tortured by potty training stories all week long. I share because I love.

Shrek Performance

It is performance review time around here, and well...that just makes me all teary-eyed. Such a glorious, fun-filled time. Oh. I kid. Instead of doing real work, that is stacking and stacking while I type this - I present you with the Shrek version of Effective Phrases for Performance Appraisals.

Choose from the following strengths and areas of development for each employee…

Strengths:

• Really Tall
• Has many layers
• Very creative in his communication strategy – able to be brutally honest with directives to others regardless of the outcome (such as getting eaten by a dragon)
• Able to ensure cooperation through any means necessary, very adept at modern torture methods
• Very honest – wears heart on sleeve
• Unable to lie
• Expert at licking himself
• Able to effectively represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
• Steals from the rich and gives to the poor

Areas of development:

• Needs to focus on no more itchy butt crack
• Needs to become more familiar with the “one free grab” policy, and only subjects employees to unwanted physical contact occasionally.
• Lacks capacity to remain silent
• Needs to learn to be less ambiguous. Such as in the following example"It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.” Either that, or become a corporate attorney.
• Still hung up on having been voted “fairest in the land” – needs to branch out more and develop other, newer skills,

Potty Training Vacation

I am eyeball deep in work, and feeling slightly guilty for writing here instead of slogging through my inbox and taking care of critical items. I am, after all, on vacation all of next week. Don’t you love how I did that? We had some time off over the Christmas holidays and now I am off again. I do this every year, and I can honestly say that it is WONDERFUL. Everyone else is working hard, trying to get back into the swing of things – and I am, well – not even around. LOVE IT.

However we plan to work on potty-training the boys next week…so that should suck the life force out of us pretty quickly. Tips? I could use some. I know NOTHING about potty training a boy. God, I hope they don’t pee on the walls.

The Ants Go Marching One By One

There are a lot of things on my mind that I wanted to get down, before I forget them.

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Zieggy is adjusting to life without Shiner in ways I never expected. He is now playful and noticeably more social. He was always a little stand-offish, although always sweet. He just didn’t tend to hang out with us much. Now that Shiner isn’t around, he is with us every moment he is able. It was very common before to find him hiding out in our library all alone. Now? Not so much. He has also started showing us a playful side I have not noticed. We have come to the conclusion that life is better both for us and our pet if there is only one dog in the family. I wish we had known this BEFORE we adopted Zieggy. Hindsight. It makes me feel...stupid.

We still miss Shiner.

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I turned 40 today. 40. I remember when my mother was 40 and she seemed old. I wonder if I seem old to my kids. I don’t think I will ask them.

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My husband and I talked about resolutions this week. It is all the rage around the first of the year, isn’t it? His goal this year is “enjoy the journey” – which goes right along with my “in the moment” resolution carried over from last year. We are always in a hurry to go somewhere, finish something, find the destination. It really seems like a better idea to simply enjoy the journey. I imagine this will make everything measurably more fun. It has been a whole two days and already things like having dinner with the boys or reading to them before bed are more fun. I am not focused on finishing dinner or getting them to sleep – simply focused on the activity right in front of me.

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“Papa used to say that doctors are like birds. You let one peck at you a little here and there and it don’t do too much damage. But if he keeps it up, he’ll eventually kill you. If you get a whole flock after you, they’ll peck you to death pretty quick. I just got tired of the peckin’ and came on home.” - Rivers Ebb by Jim Ainsworth

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I have no idea why I named this "The Ants Go Marching One By One" - for some reason it was stuck in my head. I am strange that way.