Gettin' Any?

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to have the job I do when on some days I seem to put so little into it. Have you had those days where nothing is motivating? Have you experienced the Net-Pull – where all you want to do is surf and read and avoid all work-related nonsense? How do you battle that?

Surgery went well with only a few issues as far as I could tell. I didn’t have much bleeding, but it was pretty painful for about a day…crampy and yucky in general. When I came out of surgery I had a little battle with my blood pressure – was so low it was freaking me, my husband, and the nurses out – it was somewhere around 70-something over 30-something for a VERY LONG TIME. But, my doctor didn’t seem to care, and the put-you-to-sleep-guy didn’t care…so it remained very low. I put up with the lethargy and headache, and eventually headed home. The narcotics were good and fun was had by all.

After surgery my doctor had the balls to say that everything went well, and that I looked fantastic…and then he proceeded to tell me to take it easy, no sexual relations for the remainder of the pregnancy and I should just sail on through… he smiled and said (like an ass) – “just 22 more weeks” like it is nothing. Do I need to point out that that is more than FIVE FREAKING MONTHS? You go without sex for 5 months… lets see how happy you are then. In fact - go without sex since you got pregnant (OK we cheated once) until 8 weeks after you deliver. Assuming you go to term for twins that is 45 weeks total, or in ENGLISH – around 11 months. 11 months people! Yeah – I wanted to scratch his eyes out and flush them down the very nice and clean hospital bathroom toilet (wish those folks would clean my house)!

So no real news here – pregnant, not getting’ any anytime soon, and a little bitter about it.

Normal is as Normal Does

I am not feeling very spunky today. Come to think of it - I don't feel spunky any days. Pregnancy is a FULL TIME JOB. It amazes me that I have to get up and go to work and function in the real world - all the while feeling like I have been hit by a truck. How do people do it? How did I do it before? Oh yeah - I was on bedrest most of the time. All I had to do was cook a baby...

I had a rough night - cramping, backache, spotting, general icky feeling all over. It is not much better today, but all the Google searching has told me that cramping in the first trimester is 'normal' and 'to be expected' - they tell me that spotting with twins is 'normal' and 'to be expected' - I have read that backache is 'normal' and 'to be expected' - and I have heard from my doctor that I am 'normal' and all of this is 'to be expected' Do they make this shit up? There is not a symptom on earth that is NOT normal according to these doctors. Toes falling off? Normal. Head doing 180's? Normal. Bleeding a gallon a day? Normal - with twins. How crappy do I have to feel to get relief? Must be pretty darn crappy.

And - the suggestion for all of this? Drink a few large glasses of water and take it easy for a while. What the fuck? How does that work? Water is now the latest cure-all. Have a migrain? Drink a glass of water. Broken leg? No reason to go to the doctor - drink some water and rest a while...it will heal itself by tomorrow. After all - that is perfectly normal - if you are pregnant!

I am a Psycho Pregnant Woman

Friday was a fantastic day. Absolutely Fantastic.

My husband, his mother and I all went to my sonogram and Dr. appointment (yep, she got to hear Dr. ReadsFromABook) The big news: two babies, two heartbeats – still. I was so worried that we wouldn’t still have two. Why? Because I am a psycho pregnant woman. That excuse seems to be working for quite a bit lately – thank God. We also talked about my surgery next week – and then to top off the day, I had to have an internal exam with my mother in law in the room – a little uncomfortable, but it could have been worse. I was so happy she came to the sonogram, that it didn’t feel right asking her to leave during that part…I simply said she could stay, but she might want to move to another chair (since she was sitting at the foot of the table). It stinks being a girl sometimes.

So both babies are growing at the same schedule – which made me happy. They are a few days ahead of schedule, over-achievers already. Go babies! They checked for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 indications during the scan and said that everything looked very good – with little reason to believe we are going to be faced with genetic abnormalities. We are just waiting for blood tests to come back with more assurance – due in sometime this week. That will give us enough confidence to bypass the triple screen and amniocentesis. What a relief.

We have now purchased car seats, a playpen, a baby bathtub, blankets, towels, some clothing, some pampers – all kinds of fun things for babies. I wanted to wait until we were sure that everything was going to work out okay before spending money, so I am still saving receipts and being a bit cautious (we won’t order the crib or dresser until around month 5 or 6) just in case something bad happens. But – it felt good to go out and buy car seats. It felt good to think about bringing the babies home in them. It just feels good to know that everything is okay and we are having babies.


Next milestone: Cerclage – Wednesday. EEEK.

Party at My House!

I am starting to feel pregnant a bit more, but really wish I could see the babies and know things are as they should be in there. I am approaching the end of my first trimester – now entering the time when life is supposed to be great. I should have more energy, sleep better, feel happy – all the wonderful parts of pregnancy. And to celebrate, I am having SURGERY.

Next Wednesday, at 12weeks, one day – I will have a cerclage put in to keep me from going into pre-term labor. They will sew my cervix shut in hopes that it behaves for at least 5 months. It really should be a blast! I keep thinking why I am doing this – when the risks include:

• Premature contractions
• Cervical dystocia (inability of the cervix to dilate normally in the course of labor)
• Rupture of membranes
• Cervical infection
• Cervical laceration if labor happens before the cerclage is removed

But then I remember how my first daughter was 5 weeks early and my second was 11 ½ weeks early (at only 2 pounds), and I know I am doing the right thing. Want to come to a cerclage party? Ginger Ale and crackers are on me!

Life

When I was married the first time, what seems like a long, long time ago, EVERYTHING was different in comparison to my life now. I had a different view of the world. I was not very happy in general, but merely existing day-to-day for the purpose of raising my children, going to work to earn money, paying bills – all of the general life ‘stuff’. That is not to say that it was a horrible or abusive marriage, because it was not. It just wasn’t happiness. It simply…was. And you know what? I didn’t even know how unhappy I truly was until I fell in love for real.

I am happier now than I can ever remember being in my whole life. Everyday little things bring a smile to my face now. My husband and I enjoy so many of the same things…books, music, cooking, hiking. We love the outdoors, we love animals, we love being with each other. Life is just so completely different. I realized this long ago, but am amazed at how wonderful my life is everyday. Everything is better. Take my pregnancy as an example. This one is so different than when I had my girls. And do you know why? I do. My husband cares about what is going on. He is supportive, and interested. He is concerned and just loves the fact that we are having babies. This is something that I have never experienced before – and it is something that although I didn’t realize it years ago, I really missed.

Life has never been better and I am more in love than I have ever been.

It's Just Money

Our 9 week doctor’s appointment went well. The doctor was very very unhappy with the stupid nurse that decided I didn’t need progesterone anymore, and he promptly put me back on it. No problems since then. He is the greatest. If only he didn’t talk like he was reading from a book. I was seriously trying not to laugh once again. My husband got to meet him this time and found his way of speaking equally as funny as I do.

We have decided not to do CVS or Amnio (tests involving needles and pain) and have decided on NT Scan instead. This is a detailed sonogram that will hopefully rule out Down Syndrome. They will do the scan next week and we will then follow that up with the Cerclage. This will be where they sew my cervix shut so I don’t deliver early – fun to be had for all. How do they come up with this stuff? Amazing.

One thing we found out that didn’t make us very happy was the fact that Aetna (my insurance company) won’t cover the lab tests that are part of the NT Scan – only the sonogram part. They claim that it is not proven to show anything and they only pay for Amnio or CVS. These are two very invasive procedures that would carry a 2% miscarriage rate – which we really are not comfortable with. They are also MORE expensive than the scan. Stupid insurance. Makes no sense. So now we have to fork over $100.00 for the lab work. And although this doesn’t sound like much money, we are just embarking on paying for my husband’s school loans from his MBA and are still paying for the IVF procedure that got me pregnant in the first place. The thought of paying for two babies is starting to weigh heavy on me. Daycare – up to $1800.00 per month. However will we afford it????

Baby it's cold outside

This past Saturday we went camping. All eight of us – me, my husband, the girls, and the unborn babies, and our two dogs – hopped in the car and drove 2 hours to our favorite camping spot. It was cold. Very cold. At least to us it was cold. We decided against a portable heater thinking “how cold could it be?” And we bought a lot of fire wood instead. Which only helped so much.

We all sat VERY close to the fire. Close enough to melt our shoes. But we were still cold. Once bedtime came, we all squished into the tent – all eight of us. And, it was cold. Very cold. So cold in fact, that we wore hats, coats, extra socks – anything we could get our hands on. It was just SO COLD. And I am not kidding!

One of the dogs had been shivering all evening and was using two blankets to stay warm. The other started with the shivering around 2 am – right about the time we decided to pack up and go home. 2 am. Yes – in the morning. We packed everything, threw the kids and dogs in the car and drove home – arriving around 5:30. We will not be doing that again anytime soon.

Doctors Suck.

I went to my 2nd doctor appointment today. I have no news. Do you know why? Because HE WASN'T THERE. But - they claim to have called me two days ago to reschedule, however they don't know what number they called, and they didn't leave a message. Nice don't you think? Strike 1.

Also, I have run out of my progesterone which I take nightly and which keeps me from having any bleeding...so the nurse was going to call some in to the pharmacy. I went to pick it up this evening, and they told me that they don't carry progesterone so the nurse decided I don't need it tonight - just come back to the Dr. office tomorrow. She didn't talk to the doctor, she just decided I don't need it tonight. Last time I quit taking it, I started bleeding. Idiot nurse. Strike 2.

Keep it up Dr. Dumbass...keep it up.



Aside from that pissing story- everything is good here. We had a wonderful holiday and I am on vacation this week. I gave all of my employees the holidays off, so now it is my turn. Yeah! I have been looking for baby furniture and going over our budget and wondering how on earth we are going to afford daycare - for TWO. My god it is expensive. How do people do it? HOW? up to 1800.00 per month. Save me!