Thanksgiving Day

This mornings verdict: still not pregnant

Surprised? I'm not. Still early. Too early to test, yet I tested anyway. I can't begine to tell you how many evil pee sticks I have gone through. I can't count that high.

I had a terrible dream last night. It involved horrible ex-in laws and an evil ex-husband. I woke up feeling horrible, had a headache, and then got to see a negative pregnancy test. This was followed promptly by crying. Yes. I have officially lost it. And why was I crying? No good reason, I can tell you that. This is just such an emotional thing we are doing. I am hopped up on hormones, my body thinks it is pregnant, even if it isn't. We are only going to do this one time, and if it doesn't work - then no baby. So much pressure. Just too much.

I just want the waiting to stop. I want to be pregnant. I want this so very bad. I found myself making deals with God in the shower this morning... "If you will please make me pregnant...."

Ugh.

Happy Thanksgiving.