106 Heat Index

Earlier today:

I finished up my meetings and read through my most pressing emails. I appeared to have some free time and decided to go for a run. I wasn’t really in the mood, but figured if I ran I would feel less guilty about the nachos I was making for dinner.

As I walked out the door, Brittany was just pulling up with the boys. They had been swimming and looked EXHAUSTED and hot. Also, HALF DEAD. I should have taken this as a sign of things to come, but I am way too stupid for that… so off I went.

I took the Big Park route, and headed out of the neighborhood. About ½ mile out I came to the conclusion that what I was doing was attempted suicide and wondered if my insurance would cover me if I died. I decided they would not, but kept running anyway. 1 mile out, I started looking for short cuts…and took one through the park. This was a mistake. I headed to a water fountain near the soccer fields and was assaulted with the smell of vomit. Or trash. I couldn’t tell which.

After filling up my water bottle with Plano’s finest pond water* I continued running, only to begin puking less than a minute later. It occurred to me that the vomit smell may have been from earlier runners too stupid to stay inside.

As I past the playground I noticed that there was NOBODY PLAYING OUTSIDE. This is unusual. There is always at least one parent trying to ignore their kids at the park even on the hottest of days…but not today. Of course not. IT WAS TOO HOT.

I was now at the point of no return. There were no shortcuts and it was as far back as it was forward…so I kept going. At one point some clouds showed up, and I firmly believe that is the only reason I survived. After crossing the street back into the neighborhood, I decided to stop at the pool and get more pond water to dump on my head – only to find a “Pool closed due to fecal contamination” sign on the gate. Commence gagging AGAIN.

The last few blocks were the worst. I nodded to my fellow dying worms on the sidewalk “dude, I know how you feel” and to the bunnies trying to nap in the shade.

This is a very drawn out way of saying that it is really effing hot outside and I wish I had not gone running. The end.