Time

Sunday consisted of making up for all of the laziness on Saturday. It was a whirlwind of a day and it made me regret being so freaking lazy the day before. Grocery shopping, jogging 5 miles, a trip to SAM’s, laundry, more laundry, and yet MORE laundry, dinner (pesto chicken and stuffed grilled tomatoes), work, and lots of baby-feeding. I am tired just thinking about it. And now we are facing a crazy work-week. I have to travel a lot. I have a one hour meeting that I have to fly to tomorrow, which always consumes the whole day with the pain-in-the-ass airport security mess. I have a trip Wednesday – returning Thursday – for another meeting, and then I have real work on Friday to make up for all of the traveling and not working done.

Today I have to take the boys to the hospital for their first set of Synargis shots. Not looking forward to that. At all. ½ day spent trying to entertain hungry, grumpy babies who are getting shots just so they can observe them and make sure there are no allergic reactions… should be a freaking blast! Then – I have to pick up a sick daughter from her dad’s and another from school and try to fit in work and more feeding of the boys. The time – it goes to quickly.

Yum

Saturdays are full of promise here. We plan lots of activities / chores / obligations and usually attack at least half of them.

Fade into yesterday.
We had not made any plans. We did not discuss doing much more than jogging and watching the UT football game. It is a good thing too. Do you want to know what we did yesterday? It will take but a second to read about it… NOTHING. We DID watch UT barely beat OSU. And that sums it up. We did NOT go jogging (first skipped day all month). We did not do laundry. We did not leave the house with the exception of going to get breakfast (which was NOT on my diet). It was fantastic. I took two naps. We fed the babies a million times. We played Trivial Pursuit. We cooked dinner (oh my god – orgasm inducing dinner – must give you recipe). We watched a little TV. That is about it. Nice.

Oh yes – dinner recipe... Tomatillo Braised Pork with White Beans

1 cup small white beans (I used Navy)

1 Tablespoon thyme
1 Tablespoon marjoram
3 bay leaves
4 thick slices smoky bacon
2-pound pork tenderloin
Salt
3 cups Tomatillo Salsa

In a medium-size saucepan, combine the beans with 4 cups of water, add the herbs and bay leaves, partially cover and set over high heat. When the pot comes to a rolling boil, reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer the beans (partially covered) until they are tender, about 1 hour. Add more water if the beans ever begin peeking up above the surface of the water.

While the beans cook, in a medium-size (6-quart) Dutch oven, cook the bacon slices over medium heat, turning them occasionally, until thoroughly crispy. Remove to drain on paper towels; when cool, crumble. Spoon off most of the fat that collects, adding it to the simmering beans.

Heat the oven to 325 degrees. Sprinkle the meat liberally with salt. Set the Dutch oven over medium-high heat, and, when quite hot, lay in the pork. Brown thoroughly on all sides, about 10 minutes total, then pour in the salsa. Set on the pot’s cover and place in the oven. Cook until the pork registers about 160° on a meat or instant-read thermometer–the meat will feel rather firm (not hard) to the touch, and cutting into the center will reveal only the slightest hint of pink (about 40 minutes)

When the beans are tender, season them with salt, usually about 1 teaspoon. Let stand a few minutes for the beans to absorb the seasoning, then drain off their cooking liquid. Remove the pork to a cutting board, add the beans to the pork pot, set over medium heat and season with salt. Slice the pork, laying the slices slightly overlapping on a warm serving platter. Spoon the beans and sauce around the meat, sprinkle everything with the crumbled bacon.

Catching Up

Work is hectic…as usual. Boys are good. Girls are good.

I hear you saying “Tell me something NEW” but there is a lack of newness here. Let me see what I can drudge up thought….

Running Talk: We are still running 4 days a week, which is getting hard to fit in with the crazy work our companies expect us to do. We try to do cross training twice a week, but we are seeing that task wane as time goes by. The priority is the running, and we are ok there.

Diet Talk: I am still on the South Beach Diet. I had planned to be on phase 1 for three weeks, however I ditched it after 2 weeks…I am weak. I wanted carbs. I also had birthday cake after two weeks – so there was cheating there. And it was so freaking good. I am hovering around 125 pounds, with 10 to lose. I need to be more diligent in eating the right things and sticking to the diet, but I just love food…so much.

Baby Talk: Boys don’t know any new tricks, but we are experimenting with their food and formula. Roark has been on Nutramigen and Cole on Enfamil (regular). We switched them both to ProSobee yesterday, hoping that Cole would spit up less and Roark would eat better. So far so good. Roark LOVES the new formula and Cole doesn’t seem to mind – both are happy and there are no bad reactions yet. The other plus? Nutramigen is $25.00 for 12.5 ounces. ProSobee is $12.00. Sign me up for THAT savings. As for solid food, they are eating bananas, apple sauce, peaches, peas, green beans, oatmeal, pears, carrots and sweet potatoes. We tried squash, but it was not well-received. Bananas are a favorite. As is the apple sauce. Then sweet potatoes. Carrots are tolerated, but not well-liked. I confess – I don’t make my baby food. I buy it (gasp) in jars (ohdeargod) at the grocery store (yes, I am going to hell – I don’t breast feed or make baby food).

Homefront / Ear Talk: Things at home are good. Bad day from earlier this week is over and done with and we are moving on. I still feel like crap all the time, but have decided to seek a second opinion and see another specialist on ears. And – DEMAND they freaking fix me. NOW DAMNIT!!!!!! What I need to do is get in quickly to see someone so that I can get this taken care of this year – before my insurance changes and we have to pay crazy amounts of money to fix this mess.

I Can Do Many Things

I can fix a garage door opener without the need to take a visit to our neighborhood emergency room.

I can get grease on my hands that may never ever come off completing above task.

I can ruin one very nice white sweatshirt in the process of fixing garage opening in spite of my husband warning me several times that I was going to ruin it if I kept it on.

I can spend crazy amounts of time and money at Home Depot looking for tools to fix a garage door opener, which we ended up not needing – and which I am NOT taking back because – new tools! How exciting!!

I can find information on just about anything thanks to Google (such as how to fix a garage door opener)

I can spend the better part of the work day not working at all and instead doing home improvement projects that I have no right doing in the first place.

Lack of Motivation

It is Monday morning. I have a full week of work ahead of me. I have zero interest in doing any of it – ever. This is going to be a long week.

Signs That I Have Babies

• Constant white spitup marks on my left shoulder and arm
• My latest perfume – Ode De Nutramigen
• My continual muttering of “Do you smell poop?”
• ALWAYS tired
• Ability to hear a baby crying anywhere within a 3 mile radius
• My inability to concentrate on anything in the presence of above said crying
• Constantly singing stupid songs…about absolutely anything
• Talking nonstop while doing normal everyday things (…and now I am brushing my hair, brush, brush, brush)
• Inability to sit down and eat a full meal without getting up 16 times
• Thinking 5 hours straight is a LOT of sleep

Feed Babies

Typical weekend…up to feed the boys around 5:30 and then I sneak back to bed while my husband hangs out with them. Up again to feed them around 8:30 and my day begins. I love Saturdays. I get to sleep. Thank GOD my husband is a morning person or we would both grump around in a funk until 9. What do you call it when you like to sleep in AND go to bed early? Lazy, you say? Shut up.

My youngest daughter spent yesterday late afternoon with a friend buying a Halloween costume for some party she is going to tonight. Ummmm, if you saw it, you would wonder what she is up to. She came home with a Nurse uniform. Ok so far, right? Let’s ignore the fact that she spent $50.00 on it (if you even can – I am having trouble with that part too). It is a short white dress (goes almost to her knees because she is a bit vertically challenged) and she has paired it with thigh-high white stockings that have little red cross signs on them. It is supposed to be a slutty nurse outfit, but luckily it is a bit longer on her than it would be on say – me. Either way, it was not the scary vampire-type uniform I was expecting. She may be taking it back today and getting something else. Can’t decide how important I think this is…trying to pick my battles.

Both of the girls now have their braces off. They have had them on for about a year – maybe two. They look so grown up without the braces – kind of makes me a bit sad. I hate to see signs of growing up and yet those same signs make me feel good. I am a bit odd that way.

Plans for the weekend:

• Run - we have to run 30 minutes today and 4 miles tomorrow.
• Watch Texas / Texas Tech game (Go Horns)
• Feed babies
• Take oldest daughter Halloween shopping with her friend
• Buy youngest daughter present to take to party and most likely shoes to go with slutty nurses outfit
• Feed babies
• Take pictures of youngest daughter and embarrass her as much as possible in her costume
• Feed babies
• Eat dinner out tonight – not sure where, but that is what is on the menu…would LOVE pizza but that is so not on the diet. Stupid diet.
• Take girls to guitar lessons tomorrow after picking up very tired daughter from friends house
• Laundry, laundry, laundry
• Oh – and lets not forget that I will need to feed babies

Weekends

Two nights in a row of baby grumping. They have been waking up around midnight, 2am, 2:30, 3:00 and so on until I finally break down and feed them –today around 5. I should just feed them at midnight but then they will be up every three hours after that. I am trying to not start the habit of letting them get up all through the night, but what am I to do? They are HUNGRY. When I finally fed Roark at 5 he ate all 130cc’s and then ate an additional 30 before settling down. I have never seen him eat so much – poor little guy. He is usually food-averse. We put them to bed after they ate and then I went back to bed, and slept until – get ready – 10am. Holy shit! I missed three meetings and showed up late for the fourth. Although I was forgiven. As I joined the call I realized that I was losing my voice and everyone felt all sorry for me and sent me back to bed. So that is it for work today – thank GOD.

The girls are coming this weekend! Although my youngest already has plans for the whole time with other people. Halloween shopping tonight with girlfriends, and then a party tomorrow night at the amusement park for someone’s birthday. If I am lucky I will get a few hours with her Sunday evening… I could say NO and make her stay home, but that is what her dad does and then she doesn’t get to spend time with her friends. And – she would totally understand and not be mad. I like that about her… I remember being a teenager though and my friends were much more important than staying home with mom. I miss the girls being little – when I was the center of their universe.

Why do I have a job?????

There are times at work where I disagree with a request or a decision. When this happens I will do one of two things. I will either take a stand, or cave. How do I decide which way to go? I roll the dice. "Really?" you ask. NO. But – that is a good lead-in to explaining half of the idiots I work with…

I have shown myself capable of making decisions based on sound logical thinking most of the time. I try not to get too emotional in the heat of a disagreement, and base my decisions on logic. Although this proves difficult at times, I still keep focused on the goal – do what is right for my company, for this project, for my team. In that order.

There are serious things going on in my job this week. Many important decisions to be made. Many decisions requiring logical thought patterns in order to arrive at sound action plans. And there appears to be a severe lack of any freaking intelligence ANYWHERE. WTF? I would love to lay out the whole scenario here so that your jaw could drop and we could all look alike. I don’t think my employer would appreciate that. So – here is my attempt at explaining the latest fuckup in generic terms:

We have been asked by a potential client to jump through a hoop of fire in order to receive their business. We ask for the rules of engagement for such a jumping activity and upon reading them are astounded. We are told that 1) the hoop is actually not a hoop at all but a piece of rope that will collapse when burning 2) that we must be first soaked in gasoline and THEN jump through the “hoop” and 3) we have to actually PAY to do this activity - a LOT and 4) we are not expected to survive. Once this activity is complete we will all have ice cream and move on to contract negotiations.

Ummmm, yeah.

So – my suggestion was this: Tell the client thanks, but no thanks. Do NOT participate in the hoop-jumping activity. Instead point out the (blatant) issues involved with such (an asinine) request and suggest we move right to the ice cream, followed by negations. Makes sense right? The sales team talked to the client yesterday. They discussed the idiocy of the request. The client then assured the salesperson that this was a worthy activity and asked us to please, please do it – and guess what? Oh yes…salesperson caved and is now singing the “let’s all jump through the hoop of fire” song today.

COMPLETE MORONS

I Can't Even Title this One

Holy shit....who would every do such a thing? I am seriously sick thinking about it.

Misunderstood

There are times in a meeting, or in the heat of a conversation at home where I have a half-formed idea in my head and I make the mistake of speaking about it prior to it being a well thought out idea. I regret this EVERY TIME. I always end these “announcements” with something along the lines of “Did that make sense to you?” or “Do you see where I am coming from?” or even “So, ummmm, yeah.” I come off like a complete ass-hat and wish I had just kept my big mouth shut.

I had an ass-hat moment the other day in a meeting. With a customer. And dear god, why don’t people just tell me to shut the hell up? I seriously wish people would kick me under the table. I committed to shit nobody should. I was all “oh absolutely – that is a wonderful idea, and while we are at it – why don’t we tear down the city of Austin and simply rebuild it. Overnight” (or something equally as stupid). And as I looked around the room I totally wanted a take-back. Luckily, the folks in the room were not all that bright and gave me a quick dear-in-the-headlights look, nodded, and started talking about something else.

Torn

I am in my office today. It is FREEZING in here. 90 degrees outside and sub-zero in here. Makings of a cold? I think so. I believe the climate in here is inhibiting my ability to work…either that or the fact that I am extremely lazy. Thoughts?

My husband is considering a job in another state – far away. We are talking about moving. We were prepared to move to Austin around the first of the year, but based on this new information, it looks like I will be looking for a new job at another company in a state far, far away. We talked to the girls about this a while ago and they were OK with the move – they would still see us every other weekend as we would fly them out and back. However we would not see them during the week. I am guessing that if I were to ask my youngest daughter today what she thinks of this idea, she would begin crying and beg us to stay or take her with us. I know my oldest daughter would want to go if she didn’t have to upset her dad in doing so…

What am I to do? If we do start up custody battles it could mean the deterioration of the very fragile relationship that I have with their dad now. It could also lead to the girls not having much of a relationship with their father. Although, come to think of it – they are not all that fond of him these days. He works a lot and when he is home he is focused on his wife, and not the kids. They are not happy about their step-brothers most of the time and have a very ‘iffy’ relationship with their step-mom.

I would love to be able to reasonably talk to their dad and work out an arrangement where the girls can be wherever they want – or at least allow more time with me, since that is what they want right now. However I know that he will not be receptive to this. I think he is worried about losing the money that I pay him every month. He can keep the $1200.00 if I can just have the girls with me more. I would also pay for them to come see him every other weekend and arranged holidays…. But – I know that he is worried that the courts would not enforce my paying him and he would NEVER want to lose that money. Then his wife would have to get off her butt and get a job. What would she do if she couldn’t sit around all day staring at the pool boy and watching Dr. Phil?

What would you do?

Tired

Long hard day. Not a lot of work, but had to fly out of town for a two hour ass-kicking of a meeting and then fly home in time to 1) miss dinner and 2) feed babies and say goodnight to them, leaving no time to play with them. Hate these kind of days. I am now staring HOURS of work in the face wondering when I will get it done. Guess I will be up late. Should be working now instead of doing this – but this is so much more therapeutic.

I got a phone call from my youngest daughter today (who turned 14 yesterday!!!!). She was crying and upset because she doesn’t want to be over at her dad’s and wants to be here. Her story changes with the days of the week. The only thing we can count on with her is her changing her mind. Her dad blew up at her tonight and sent her into crying hysterics…and she hadn’t even told him about her bad grades yet. That won’t calm him down any. I really had no words of encouragement for her. I simply told her that she had to tell him about her grades. Period. And she did. And he got mad. Go figure.

My other daughter is learning to drive. Tonight was her first driving time with her driving class. We have been practicing at home for months, so it was not a big deal for her… I cannot believe she is freaking driving! Wow. Oh yeah, and if you live in Texas – let that be a warning.

Fragments

Do you have those days when you reassess your life and wonder why you made the decisions you did? Do you ever think back on that First Love or First Kiss or the day you got your drivers license? Do you think about high school, or your first job? And when you think of these things, if you do at all, do you remember them and smile or do you cringe in disgust?

It is funny how I don’t feel the same about my past as I thought I would when it was the present. Let me clarify. When my first boyfriend and I broke up (a mere few weeks after we were together) I was sure I would think back on that time and be embarrassed and amazed at what an idiot I was. Now I wonder what has happened to him. I wonder why we didn’t date longer. Just the same I think back to that first job out of college and wonder what has happened to those people and wonder what I would have turned out like if I stayed there and not moved away and on to other things. At the time I swore I would never think about that place again – I couldn’t wait to get out! When do these changes take place? Does time erase the bad memories and we just end up looking for fragments of life to hold onto?

And so it goes...

I read a lot of infertility journals. I feel connected to these people in some way. They share a glimpse of their sorrow and their lives with me and I feel privileged. I empathize deeply with these women, with their situations. I however, am not infertile. I have gone through IVF though, and this makes me feel as if I have a small (albeit insignificant) connection to them.

I have two teenage daughters from a marriage long, long ago. While their father and I have joint custody of them, I do not see them as often as I would like. For reasons that are difficult to explain in less than 5 bazillion words, they spend more time with their dad. When they are not with me I miss them so much that my bones hurt. They are my world. They make me smile, laugh out loud, re-assess my beliefs. Those girls give me hope and fill my life with more love and enjoyment than I ever imagined possible. My eyes tear and my toes curl just thinking of them at this moment. Does this mean that I don’t complain about them? Hell no. I complain a lot. Welcome to me. This is what I do – ask anyone that knows me. I am quite good at it too.

I don’t know why I wanted children all those years ago. I guess I wanted to be grown up. I think I wanted a family – something I never really had growing up. I wanted to be part of something bigger than just me. I wanted to be a positive influence in someone’s life. I wanted to show someone how much I could love them – and I didn’t want to be judged. I wanted to be a mom and I never imagined that my marriage would end and I would have to share that role with someone else. I never dreamed that I would miss ½ or more of my girls' lives…

I also have two 4-month-old little boys. The decision to have more children was not one that came easily to us. My husband and I wanted children together. We wanted to raise a family together – it was a way for us to become even closer than we were. It was the chance he was missing out on to raise babies. He has been a fantastic dad to the girls, and he really wanted the chance to be part of another person’s full life. I wanted him to have that chance. I wanted another chance to have the family I dreamed of as a little girl. I wanted children that I could be a full-time mom to – not just weekends and holidays.

I now have the family that I always wanted. I drown my children in hugs and kisses and sweet words every moment that I can. The process of having my boys was not an easy one. IVF / infertility / adoption – they are all difficult experiences. I was one of the lucky ones. I ended up with a second chance. I ended up with children. And I am grateful for every second that we have together as a family. And at the same time my heart breaks for the women out there that are still trying.

I think that I read many of the infertility journals because I know how hard it is to want something you have no control over. I like seeing the drive, the motivation, the emotion that these women display. I gather strength from their strength and I am reminded how lucky I am in my life. I don’t feel as if I have much to offer them in return…and I am certain that very few ever wander over here for a read. Mine is not the life that they want to read about right now. But I support them. I feel for them. I listen to them. I never offer advise or judge them. I don’t make evil comments about their choices or desires or decisions… it just doesn’t seem to be the best way to make someone feel good or to encourage them to continue their quest for a family. I understand their anger toward people that are easily able to have children. The anger isn’t exactly AT the people so much as the situation – but either way there is anger and hate and frustration - and it is very much understood.

All of this rambling amounts to a few small things:

- I love my children

- I am lucky to have them

- I wish that every single person in the world that wanted a baby could have one without going through infertility and all of the shit that is involved

- Comments in journals should be treated like comments in real life: If you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up.

Jesus H Christ

I never thought much about the opinions of other people. Good or bad. I am a bit cocky that way. I have never felt the need to justify the children I have or how I had them. I have never thought I needed to articulate why I have kids, why I wanted them, or what I expect of them… but today I am faced with all of these things because I opened my mouth here http://oliviadrab.typepad.com/blog/2005/10/bring_out_your_.html

Now I am pissed off. And I have to work on an intelligent entry to explain why I have children and how I had them, and what I expect of them… and well, I just don’t have time for that right now.

Smelly

Still 125.5 pounds. Although, our scale is off by 4 pounds which means I REALLY weigh 129.5 – yuck. I like the 125.5 MUCH better. And even that is depressing for me. I have a closet full of size 4 work clothes that I can’t freaking wear. See, I am not so much vain and think I need to be skinnier as I am cheap and think I don’t want to buy more clothes. I am putting off the work shopping as long as possible so that I don’t have to spend any more money on clothes. The problem with this is that my job occasionally requires that I wear a suit and well, I don’t have any in a size 8. I have one in a 6 that fits – must run big. I just don’t want to drop another $500.00 on clothing I will wear a few times… Yes I am petty. And yes I am cheap. Tell me something I don't know.

_____________________________

We did not bathe the boys Tuesday night because we jogged late and then they were tired. Wednesday we went out on a much needed date and they were asleep when we got home (thank God). Last night just didn't work out because:

The boys ate around 6. They ate (covered their bodies in) bananas and then gobbled down a bottle and were so freaking grumpy that we forced them to nap around 7. We both figured that they would be up to eat by 9, at which time they would have their bath and then eat. 9 rolled by and then 10. 11 came and went and there was no sign of life from their room so we turned out the lights and went to sleep. 15 minutes later, guess who wanted food? Neither of us was motivated to do the whole bath thing, so we fed them and put them back to bed. 3rd night with no bath – they STINK! Tonight, as soon as I get home from work, I am skipping the whole bathing thing and putting them in the washing machine…twice. But don't worry, I will give them an extra fluff cycle in the dryer. No - I am not kidding.

How About a Little Baseball?

Husband and Cole are on the couch watching baseball. Cole is continuosly tipping over, as he is propped on a pillow.

Husband singing: Bye, bye Miss American Pie.

Cole: eeeohhhh

Husband: Drove my chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry...

Cole: uhuhuhuh

Husband: What happened to the chevy?

Cole: huhooooh

Husband talking: What exactly is American Pie? Is it Apple? Blueberry? Kidney? Mincemeat? And why do they call it Miss? Must be a girl based on what that guy did to it in the movie…

Cole: garmphaaaaah (followed by a huge grin)

Gee - I hope he doesn't remember these conversations when he gets older.

Diet day - I don't remember

I am now at 125.5 pounds. So there is progress. No carbs sucks bad, but I like fitting in clothes I didn't think I could.

Damn! We are Lazy.

I had a CT Scan this morning on my head. Lets hope they find a brain in there…and also that it is functioning. They were looking at my temporal lobe and sinuses. Ummm, yeah. So that sounds fun, no? Back to the doctor next Wednesday to see if there is damage to the mastoid bone or sinuses and see what in the hell he is going to do to make this freaking ear infection GO THE FUCK AWAY.

Babies are cute. It helps that my husband and I had a date last night and didn’t have to put them to bed. We left at 7:30 for a movie and were back home at 10:30, and they were sleeping well. Thank God! Movie was The History of Violence. It totally rocked. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it. I thought it was violent, sexual, and funny – all things I look for in a film. I highly recommend it. And, if you go and hate it, then you have no sense of humor.

Work is average. Projects are hot and heavy and taking most of my time, keeping goofing off to a bare minimum. I didn’t get to read much of anything online yesterday and see no break in work over the next few weeks. Work makes it hard to lazy.

Girls are doing OK. School is back in full swing after fall break – tests, homework, attitude. They are with their dad this weekend, which is too bad – but that will mean we have a quiet weekend planned. We did have some fantastic tickets to the Dallas Cowboys game, however we gave them to a friend. After discussing how far it was to drive, what a pain traffic would be, and the fact that it would be ALL FREAKING DAY away from the boys, we bowed out and decided not to go. A shame really – they were front row, 50 yard line tickets..with a parking pass. Damn we are lazy.

Diet

Day three of South Beach Diet – phase 1. Starting weight = 132 pounds. Goal = 112. 20 pounds to lose…and it feels far away, and yet close at the same time. I am not a fan of diets, but I need to get back to my pre-pregnancy size so that my clothes will fit. I keep trying not to buy new work clothes – they are expensive!

This morning found me at 127 ½ pounds…so that is progress if only a small amount. We started our marathon training October 1st, so that is helping too. Yesterday we were off, today we have to run 30 minutes. Should be easy, but with my ever-present ear infection it has really been difficult to run at all. Plus, my husband feels crummy today so I imagine it will be a motivation disaster when I get home…yippee.

Boys didn’t sleep well last night, which of course means that I didn’t sleep well either. I don’t know why they think it is fun to wake up at midnight and grump around till 3 when I break down and feed them. Then they grumped some more until I got them up at 6ish. Around 5 I turned off the monitor and figured they would survive for an hour while I got some much needed rest. When I got up they were crying and starving to death… I didn’t feel too sorry for them, although they were cute and quickly forgiven.

I am actually in the office today – big adjustment after working from home for so long. I really don’t have too much going on, but thought getting out of the house would help me do real work. Will let you know how that works out…but not counting on much.

Growing Up

The boys visited with the doctor last week for their 4 month check up and shots. Roark is now 11 pounds 5 ounces and Cole is 12 pounds 4 ounces. I thought they were bigger than that – however they are actually on the charts for 4 months old…which is surprising. They are both in the 5-10% for a typical 4 month old. We are all very pleased with this since they were 11 weeks early!

The few days following shots were a bit rocky, but not horrible. Cole has become increasingly fussy these days…although we don’t blame shots from last week any more. We think some of his brother has simply rubbed off on him. He has started sticking out his lower lip and doing this cute whimpering little cry that makes my heart melt. Amazing how sad he can look. Then he starts the heartbroken crying and I can’t ignore him for even a second – it is just so sad. He gets picked up EVERY TIME.

They are both smiling all of the time and love to laugh. They have only each rolled over once, never showing any interest in it since. They like to sit up and love it when we talk to them. They love lights – staring at them for what seems like an eternity. They love their music mobiles and like to watch the animals turn around and around. And, they put themselves to sleep…which is nice.

Speaking of sleep – we put them to bed on their stomach. With blankets. And a crib bumper. With a cloth diaper under their heads and pacifiers in their mouths. Take that SIDS! I am sure that child protection will simply haul us away at first sight of this – but this is what works for us. The boys sleep so much better on their stomachs – have been sleeping this way since they were born – even did so in the hospital. We tried having them sleep on their back, but they hated it. Pure hate, I tell you. The crib bumper is needed to keep them from flinging their limbs out of the crib – they are very crawly at night. The blankets are of course for warmth. And the diapers soak up all the spit up that Cole likes to throw their way. The paci’s are for sanity. Roark would NEVER go to sleep without his – Cole would just suck his thumb.

We decided that a paci was better than a thumb because when we think they should stop using them, we can take them away. I think that cutting off their thumbs would be frowned upon in most parts of the country, so we are going to steer away from that.

They are changing every day and definitely getting to be more interactive and more fun. I am so glad that the newborn stage is phasing out and we are on to more exciting times… those first few months were freaking hard!

Roark and Cole October, 2005

Rollin'

The boys rolled over earlier this week. Can you believe it? A day apart too. I had just told my husband that I thought they would be rolling over soon and right then as we were looking at them, Roark flipped right over onto his back. Then, a day later, Cole did the same thing!

Little Girl

I will never again have a little girl in a blue jean skirt.

I was sitting in starbucks and there was a little girl sitting with her mom having a 'girls day out' sort of thing. They were drinking tea and sharing a cookie. The little girl was so cute...long hair, jean skirt, carrying a stuffed bear.

It made me secretly with one of my boys was a girl.

Training

My husband and I have decided to start marathon training again. This time, instead of a full marathon, we plan to run a 1\2 marathon. We want to be able to train and race with the boys and the full marathon would just be too long for them - as would many of our long runs.

We have not chosen a race yet, but are planning on something in March. Maybe the one in Dallas - if we have not moved to Austin yet. We will decide as the date gets closer. For now, we just have to start running our training schedule. This excites me for many reasons. I will lose more weight faster than when I run sporadically, I will fell better - have more energy - and will be able to spend more time with my husband. All good things.

Our schedule has us off on Mondays, cross training on Tuesday and Thursday and doing long runs on Sunday, with light runs the other days. Soooo much easier than the merathon schedule we ran 2 years ago. And - our longest run will only be 14 miles!

I wonder how excited I will be about this schedule when we are in the heat of the training a few months down the road?

Ears

I visited with the infectious disease doctor last week. Not much to report. He has placed me on a borage of antibiotics including tetracycline, minocycline, rifoban, some inhaled drug, ear drops, and one other drug...a little drug coctail if you will. He also was very impressed with the severity of the infection in my ear. He said it would be a great learning tool for students because it was such a mess... How odd.

I am to see the ENT Monday and I don’t see Infection Man for 6 weeks. Hope the meds help.

Two

I had a glimpse into what it will be like when our boys are two. I was at the airport waiting for my flight and there was a little boy of two with his mom. He looked like an older version of Roark - dark brown eyes, brown hair, same head-shape and ears...it was freaky! He was pushing his stroller around and kept trying to go down the ramp to his plane, but it wasn't time to board yet so his mom kept stopping him. He would look up at her with those amazing eyes and whine 'nooooo mommy' - it was really so funny. He just couldn't stand still - and was endless entertainment for me.

When it was finally time to board the plane and the little boy was allowed to go down the hall, he became scared and didn’t want to go - crying 'noooo mommy'. He did much of the same on the plane for a while and finally settled in his seat and began eating raisins - counting by one with each one that he ate 'one, one, one...' - I just couldn't take my eyes of of him and could not stop laughing.

It made me miss my boys so badly and I had only been away from home for the day!