I am a bad mother

I am out of town for work. It is very very quiet here.

I found out last week that I was going to have to travel for a couple of days, and because I am a moron I decided that I couldn’t leave my babies and announced that I was taking them with me. Watch how the story unfolds…

My husband is also out of town for a few days, which means that I have been handling the boys at night for the past few nights. Nights that they DID NOT SLEEP. Guess who else DID NOT SLEEP? I am so freaking tired right now… Anyway, last night sucked ass. They were up and down, up and down…but mostly up. They decided not to eat on the same schedule and had me up almost all night with one or the other…or sometimes just to change it up – both.

So this morning as I was contemplating getting ready and packing all of their shit in the car, I lost it. Roark was crying, Cole was grunting. Roark wouldn’t eat, Cole wouldn’t sleep, and I had to leave soon. I unpacked everything of theirs that I had packed so far, called my husband, and told him that they would be there waiting for him with his mother when he returns tonight. Then I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door. Without my babies. And I cried most of the way to Austin.

I did stop crying for a little while when I got pulled over by the state-fucking-trooper because my inspection sticker expired a few months ago. Bastard. And I stopped crying long enough to drink my coffee… and well, as I sit in my very quiet hotel room right now, I am not crying. I am just listening to the silence wishing I could go to sleep right now and not wake up until tomorrow.