Babies

I am a mom. I have been for 15 years, and yet I feel like it is all new again…in a good way though. I look at my boys and I am in awe at how tiny they are. I watch every move as if I have never witnessed such a thing before. Was I too young to enjoy it before, or did I enjoy it only to have time wash those memories away? This makes me feel sad – as if I have lost part of the girls’ childhood over the years.

I have learned something over the past few weeks: Two babies are difficult to take care of. So far my greatest experience with the difficult part is when they both want something at the same time. Today I was feeding Cole when Roark woke up and wanted attention and food. And, he wanted it RIGHT NOW. What a challenge. I was feeding one in the bouncy chair while burping the other one – laughing at how silly it was the whole time. Today I was not too stressed, just amused for the most part. But – I have a glimpse of the nights to come when my husband goes back to work and I have to play the juggling games. At night. When I am tired. And less amused.

I am lucky to have help with the babies. My mother in law has moved in with us to be the nanny for the first year. She will take care of them during the day while my husband and I are working, which will be fantastic. The problem is that I don’t want to give them up so to speak…I want to do everything by myself and am having a hard time letting go of anything…I don’t want to lose a minute with them because I know how quickly they are growing up. Can you see me at work? I will be calling home 16 times a day, driving everyone nuts! Luckily I have 3 more weeks before I have to go into the office.