42 DAYS

The boys are 6 weeks old today. I cannot believe it has been that long. My husband reminded me that we have spent 42 days at the hospital – and that seems to feel real. I am a bit tired of the trips up there every day…I just want my boys home. I read the journals of all the women having their babies and I am so jealous – they get to take them home. I want them home so bad that my heart aches. Every day that they are in the hospital is one that I miss being with them all day – I don’t have much time before I have to go back to work and I hate the idea of not bonding with them before I am working again – sucks bad.



When my boys come home I will have 2 weeks with them – that is it. My husband’s mom is moving in with us for at least 6 months to help / be the nanny – and they will get closer to her than me. I am torn about this quite a bit. I want her to watch them and think it is great that she will get to know her grand-kids so well…and yet I worry so much that they will prefer her and won’t want to be with me. I hate that feeling but it is nagging at me all the time. Is this a normal feeling about any daycare situation – or am I going nuts? Don’t answer that.

Cole is 4 pounds 15 ½ ounces – just won’t break the 5 pound mark! Roark is 5 pounds 8 ½ ounces. They are still growing and eating ½ of their meals on their own. I wonder how much longer until they are eating all meals through the bottle and can come home.

I was supposed to go up to the hospital at 2am to feed them, but I was soooo tired. I caved and stayed home. Bad me. I felt pretty guilty about it for say…5 minutes and then I fell back to sleep. I will go up tonight though – I really don’t want the nurses holding and feeding them when I can be doing it – I get so little time with them that I can’t believe I let that time slip away.