2.10.2005

Great Expectations

Do you know what you are supposed to accomplish before your life is over?

I wonder if we are here for a purpose – if we are supposed to do great things in our life, or simply just survive – which at times seems like a great effort.

I think about what I have done, and it is not very impressive:
I have had two children…two more are on the way
I have had a job since I was 15
I managed to piss off my mother at every turn of childhood
I used to go to church 3 times a week growing up, but now have not set foot in one in years
I am not good at saving money
I don’t have very many close friends
I don’t like my job very much
I write in my journal on occasion, not very regularly…
I like to run…long distances
I like to work out and stay healthy
I love my husband and love spending time with him
I know how to play the piano, knit, and lay around all day long and still be tired

Wow – what a lame list. I have not accomplished much in life have I?

I would love to:
See Mt. Everest
Shoot under 80 in a round of golf
Go to Fiji
See my great-grand children before I die
Still be active at 70
Never live in a nursing home
Retire by 60, happily and with enough money to survive in a nice manner
Own my own company, be my own boss, set my own hours…
Have a cabin in the woods
Live in Austin
Ski every winter
Spend lots of time with my children

But none of those things are grand – they don’t make any lasting impression on the world. Am I just not ambitious enough? Why don’t I want to cure cancer or walk across the US, or travel the world? Why am I content just to live and not be unhappy?