Fat and Fake Nails

I have been struggling with my weight since having the boys. They are almost a year-and-a-half old. I know, I know – that is PLENTY of time to get back in shape…but I am not there. It is simply hard. Or I am simply lazy. Or maybe a combination of both. It just seems like it was always easy to stay thin. I was never happy with my body (not ever) but my struggles were not weight related. This is new territory and I have to be honest here: I HATE THIS STRUGGLE! I hate putting on a size 8 and having it fit. I hate it a lot when it is tight. I hate that the size 10 doesn’t just slip off my body. I hate that I have a closet full of very tiny clothes I fear I will NEVER wear again.

Why is it that I am this obsessed with my current weight and yet I don’t stop drinking alcohol and can’t seem to stick to the South Beach Diet? Is it not really important? Or do I feel like trying and failing is worse than not trying? What in the hell is the problem? Why can’t I just convince myself that food isn’t as important as I seem to be making it?

Also – why on earth did I get these acrylic nails? What was I thinking? Note to self: buy acetone and remove at once!