Stupid Waiting

My inability to sleep is nothing new. My husband makes fun of this little quirk of mine. I just can’t sleep at night. I can nap my ass off during the day, but even if I don’t nap, and I am exhausted, I cannot sleep at night.

Monday night was no exception. I could not sleep Monday night. I tossed. I turned. I stared at the ceiling. I wanted to sleep – wanted the night to fly by – but it just wouldn’t. Stupid no-sleeping. I kept thinking…one of my biggest issues at night time. I was wondering how many babies were inside me. Are they alive? Are their hearts beating? Will this pregnancy actually work? What will we see tomorrow at the ultrasound? How will I handle a negative outcome? What will we do next? I was so busy worried about bad things, I didn’t have time to think about good things.

Tuesday morning arrived
V E R Y

V E R Y

S L O W L Y.

Stupid Tuesday – in NO hurry to get here at all. It was quickly becoming my least favorite day of the week. We headed out early and decided to run an errand and then stop for breakfast, because I couldn’t sit still and just wanted to get going. Even the wonderful morning sickness I was battling didn’t make me wish I were still at home. I wanted to see the baby NOW.

We waited, and waited, and…waited. We waited for what felt like forever-and-a-week in the doctor’s office. Time always goes more slowly when watched…always. Stupid time.

Finally – our turn. I have never been so happy to have THAT kind of appointment in my life. No clothing? No problem – just tell me if everything is okay. The sonogram immediately showed two sacs. Two. Two sacs, with two babies, with two heartbeats. Did I mention two? I could not have been more smiley, and it was not because of the dildocam! Twins. Wonderful, growing, heart-beating, duck-looking (yep – looked like ducks, not babies to me), perfect twins.

We are truly blessed.