Lazy Ass

Day I-have-no-idea of the 30 Day shred: going fine. Todd did the workout with me over the weekend a few times. We did level one the first day and level 2 the second day. I am happy to report that he thought level two sucked as much as I do - so I am not a complete lazy-ass. I moved up to a higher level of weights...although they are still embarrassing light. And I think there may be some visible difference in how I look. There is definite difference in how I feel. The one day I skipped working out, the guilt was horrible, and I had a noticeable lack of energy. Could have been the cold, but I am not completely convinced.

I am out of town the rest of this week for work. I don't know yet if I am going to run when I am out of town, or take the workout with me...still up in the air. I feel ridiculous packing weights in my suitcase...so jury is still out on that one. I need to research the area I am staying in and see what my running options are. I do NOT want to get stuck having to run on a treadmill.

There really isn't much else going one. I continue to push all thoughts of politics and the election out of my head. I just don't have the desire to go there. Not yet anyway. Not that it matters much - I LIVE IN TEXAS.

I am sitting in the car with Roark while he sleeps. The Offspring is playing on the radio. Todd and Cole are in Sam's picking up a few things. Why am I not at home? Well...THEY ARE SHOWING THE HOUSE! I know, I know. I am as surprised as you. You know what would really suck? If someone actually made an offer on it right now. Not really an ideal time to move. Work, brittany, soccer - everything is in full swing around here. But - that is just how things seem to be.

Work...ah, work. It is crazy busy. And believe it or not, the recent financial disasters have caused us to be MORE busy. Which -- yeah! But also - ugh. Am tired.

The 30 Day Shred lives on. I made it 6 straight days and then took yesterday off...but will be back at it tonight. My cold finally got the better of me and I went to bed when the boys did last night. I think I slept for something like 11 hours. Feel MUCH better today. Todd being home helps too. I have still not managed to cook a damned thing...and have take out planned tonight too. I am a winner home-maker.

I kind of want to make cookies...will have to think about that.

A Good Girl

"I love you - you are a good girl. I am sorry things are so difficult now. Love, Mom"

I sent my daughter flowers at school yesterday - wrote the above on the card. I made an appointment with a counselor so that she can talk to them if she wants to. I talked to her a bit yesterday, but she still sounded so sad. And it breaks my heart.

I am taking all of this seriously, trying to be supportive...because I don't what else to do. One day at a time.

Helpless

My daughter told me something this morning and I am still trying to process it…but it oozes of sadness and depression. It is so hard to be a teenager. There is so much pressure. Everything you do is the HARDEST THING EVER. Your hormones are out of whack. You feel like you should be independent, but yet you are not quite ready – there is very little good about it when you are in it. That is the place she is right now. It is a dark, unfriendly, unhappy place. She misses her sister so much. They had just gotten close, and then Cassie up and went away, across the country, to school. Now, Brittany is left here, left behind. Her life stays the same while Cassie’s is exciting and new. She is left here to deal with her day, to deal with me, to deal with high school.

Do you remember being a teenager? Remember how hard it was to feel like you knew everything, but had control over nothing? I do. And even though I remember it, I really don’t know what to do to make her feel better. I don’t know how to help her – how to prevent her from making some really bad decisions. I am torn about suggesting therapy – an outlet to talk about things with a neutral party – because it feels like I am shirking my parenting duties. I really want to fix it – to help her understand how this isn’t as grim as it feels to her right now…but I don’t know how.

How is it that I can have gone through the same types of things and have no inclination of what to do? God, this whole parenting thing feels so overwhelming sometimes.

5,4,3,2,1

Day 5 of The 30 Day Shred - I have to say it wasn't so bad. It was difficult...yes. But I didn't feel like I was going to lose a lung or pass out cold mid-jumping jack. So we officially have PROGRESS. I actually see some definition in my stomach which is fantastic. I don't have the six-pack that the skinny little happy bitch on the back right does, but I am working on it (if you see the video, you will know what I am talking about).

Shred - Day 4

I don't know if you are sick of hearing about my descent into the realm of pain...if so, you sadly have 27 more days of recaps. If not, you have 27 more days of recaps! See how I spin that? Am an educated woman...can do ANYTHING. Well, except thrive while doing that god damned effing bitch of a workout. Today I did level 2, only because level 1 was so hard yesterday. No - you didn't miss anything...it doesn't make sense. I seldom do. Also - I have a cold. Please play tiny violins for me.

Right now House is on. And while it is playing, I am not really watching it. I am sitting here wondering if my knees are going to explode. That workout? Hard on the joints. And yes, Jayson - I KNOW I should ride a bike already.

Tonight brings promises of Nyquil and hopefully a good nights sleep.

Am in pain - Send help

Oh Jillian. Jillian, Jillian, Jillian. I hate you, but I cannot quit you.

Day 3 of the Shred was yesterday. HOLY HELL that hurt. I am not sure I have a functioning muscle group at this point. Lifting a glass is difficult. Pushups? Totally unrealistic. I HATE THE BITCH AND HER WORKOUT.

Today is day 4. I wonder when I will stop hating on this routine?

Jagermeister...not just for breakfast anymore.

There is a bit of a story behind the Brittany episode. It involves about 24 oz of Jagermeister mixed with Monster energy drink, chugged over what sounds like a .25 seconds or something equally as disturbing. This was followed by much puking, crying, begging for her friend to take her home or call me…which nobody did. They did however try to give her a sleeping pill so that she would shut up. Thank GOD she threw that up. She apparently asked them to call 911 at one point before passing out. And NOBODY CALLED ME. Now I am not directly blaming anyone except for my asinine daughter for this drinking disaster, but I do wonder what in the hell they were thinking.

I can assure you that the “friend” of hers that didn’t call me, tried to give her sleeping pills, and then texted me, pretending she was Brittany asking if she could spend the night at a friend’s will never be allowed at our house, nor will my daughter go anywhere with her again. I can also assure you that the 18 year old boy that came to get my daughter, introduced himself to me, and FAILED TO BRING HER BACK HOME - abandoning her with her “friend”, will never date her again. How ugly we make this for him remains to be seen. At a minimum, he will be meeting with Todd and answering some very difficult questions. We are contemplating worse outcomes involving his parents and the word statutory, however I am not sure what course of action we will take.

I do know one thing – when the boys are older and dating, we will have a new rule to add to the growing list for their dates… they will ALWAYS take their date home on time, and in the same condition they picked her up in. I cannot believe that a boy would abandon his date and NOT TAKE HER HOME. I really want to kill him.

Day 2

Day 2, level 2 of the 30 Day Shred... status = shredded.

Holy crap! Level two flattened me. I felt fine today - didn't really feel sore in the least from level one. So on to two I went. About 1/3 of the way through I started to feel like I had been hit by a train. I am sure that getting up for the day at 3am didn't help - and it was 11:00pm when I finally got around to doing the freaking workout...but still. Hard.

Daughters that don't come home

Well - brittany is home finally. Or rather with us getting breakfast. And also? In a WORLD of trouble. She is very hung over and tired and did I mention in trouble? I called the boy that she went out with last night aannd told him 1) if he takes my daughter out, he better bring her home. And 2) if she ever comes home in that shape again - or doesn't come home at all like last night, I will talk to his parents. I might be doing 2) anyway. I am just so upset.

More later after I think of tortuous things to do to Brittany today. Wash windows? Pull weeds? Watch the boys while I nap? Hmmmm...lots of possibilities.

My daughter didn't come home last night. She said she was spending the night at a friend's - and apparently the friend told her parents they were at my house. I showed up at the friends house and neither girl was there. Needless to say - I am pissed. This after getting up with the boys at 4am.

Exercise, Parenting, and Sex

Well - for starters go watch this. This will give you a glimpse into my sense of humor. I cannot stop laughing at how ridiculous this is. And funny. Did I mention the funny?

Moving along - The 30 Day Shred is all the rage these days. It is supposed to be an ass-kicking workout that reduces any participants to tears after a few days. I guess I am starting out in OK shape because of my running - and I did only do level one today...but I am not seeing it. I suppose I will wait to judge too closely until tomorrow, however I don't think it is anything compared to this. Bill Blanks Ultimate Tao Bo really kicked my butt. And that workout was SO LONG. The Jilian Michaels one is only 20 minutes long...so it just didn't feel as horrible. Isn't it sad that we judge exercise by how crappy it makes us feel? The worse I feel, the better I think it must be. Sick.

Today brought with it a trip to Target for a birthday present, a workout tape, and weights. Tonight brought the worlds largest burrito, thanks to Chipotle. Tomorrow brings a birthday party (during the boys naptime - not sure how I am going to work THAT out) and a trip to the library. And then - back to work.

I am solo parenting this week - and determined to do that 30 day thing - well...for thirty days - so I don't how pleasant I will be this for the next few days. Come to think of it - I shouldn't be any worse than normal. I bitch a lot.

Oh - we were talking at work last week...sick people that we are...about places to have sex. Fun places. There were some great ones thrown out, along with the usual: shower, hotel, bathroom, airplane, subway, conference room table, walk-in freezer, dressing room, church confession booth, deer stand (I work with some strange people), woods, park, boat, winery, car, baby grand piano (I just thought of that one right now), kitchen counter, museum/art gallery exhibit, library, beach lifeguard chair... that is all I can think of. What are your contributions?

Travel

So after spending a few weeks out of town taking care of nobody but myself, I am finding being back home...a lot of work. I am so tired at night after working all day - that I crash before 9. And sleep as late as possible before starting all over. I am annoyed at having to pick up after myself, make the bed, cook. Traveling, although lonely, is so freaking EASY. Todd is headed out of town Saturday for the week. I think I am tired this week? I cannot wait to play single parent for a week and really get my ass kicked. The nice part though is that the following week I am out of town again. Seems like a lot of travel, but I don't really do much if you look at the year overall...

Company Stuff

Our company announced a 25,000 person layoff today. That is roughly 1/5-1/4 of our workforce. I have a fairly large group of people that work for me - and they are BREAKING DOWN MY DOOR trying to find out information. Which - I DON'T HAVE. Seriously. I know nothing. Now go away.

Sunshine and Rain

I am still in SoCal - about done with work, currently sitting by the pool catching up on email. I am pretty sure I will run later. I actually drove my running path today and discovered that it is 4 miles. Given that have already run that 3 times this week - I am getting to be in MUCH better shape! I have only one more definate meeting today at 6pm and no people to bother me after that. You have no idea how happy this makes me. Room service, jogging, bed, maybe reading (World War Z).

We are supposed to get a LOT of rain in Dallas this weekend - I am hoping it doesn't leave me stranded in CA. I checked into flights out tonight, and I would have to drive to LA and get in at either midnight tonight or 6am tomorrow. Neither option appeals to me. The boys have their first soccer game this weekend too - so it might end up cancelled...sad.

In other news - we dropped the offer on the house in Austin. No movement on our house made that offer seem silly. The housing market is not good right now - which blows. Guess our house will be on the market for a while.

I know nobody

Last night in Malibu - we ate at a nice restaurant on the water. It was fairly casual - Paradise Cove if you must know. Nosey nosers. We were a group of about 22 people, and have been given a fairly large table that could seat 10-12. We were also given a couple of other tables that could seat up to 5 - bringing us right to 22. And then someone else showed up and it got crowded. My boss moved low man on totem pole to the kiddie table and stuck me in the middle of entertainment territory - squashed in with no place to go.

There I was at dinner. In a corner. no escape. Facing 5 people I had just met and was supposed to entertain, get to know, make them feel like I truly cared about them on some level...or some bullshit.

So - I learned that Randy hates cucumbers. He ate like 200 when he was a kid and got so sick he cannot eat them anymore. His wife and son are Chinese and they tend to eat a lot of traditional Chinese food. Like feet. and they eat stinky fruit.

The other guy, Art, wants to be a bartender on a tropical island.

Todd wants to be a professional photographer. and Chris wants to be a feng shui auditor. Those are life-long dreams. Randy also said that he wants to sail a boat. Mr. Miller said he wants to sail tiger woods boat - meaning he only has to drive 2 times a year. The rest of the time he can just goof off. Sounds fun.

When I was asked what my dream job was (that is what i get for being so talky) I couldn't think of anything. A writer would be nice. A artists. Write books. I don't know - that all seems too personal to share with those people. Better to share here where I really know...nobody.

Friday! Where are you?

I ran for the third day in a row. At night again - didn't make it out until around 10:30 and didn't run long. Was back by 11:00. We had a ridiculously long and insane day followed by a long and insane dinner - so having run at all makes me happy. Tomorrow is another day full of meetings starting very early and ending very late - but then things slow down a bit around here...which is nice. I am ready for a slow down.

Lots of work rumors shared and confirmed on this trip - that is always fun. Had a few good conversations with my boss and am spending time with some folks I work with. I know it sounds boring, but it has its good points. I really like some of these people and it is fun to see them. I still miss home a LOT though. Talking to the boys on the phone is not the same as seeing them...and not seeing Todd is killing me.

Friday cannot get here soon enough.

No News is Good News

I have now run two days in a row. While out of town. In the evening - when it is more tempting to be a sloth than to exercise. I get points for that, right? I have run the same route both nights - somewhere between 4 and 5 miles I think. With some hills. Hills are new for me - we don't have much in the way of incline in Plano...we also don't have much smog. Wow that stuff makes it difficult on the lungs. At least that is my story...and I am sticking to it.

This area is beautiful for running...lots of sidewalk and hills and parks. I love the mountains and the cool night air. I am not a fan of the coyotes or the areas of road with no lights...but it is a trade-off.

Not much else to report. I miss my kids terribly. I miss Todd. I miss home. But as far as trips go, this one isn't terrible. Tomorrow is FULL of meetings, so perhaps I will have a different perspective tomorrow night. Perhaps one that states "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!"

Welcome to the 7th Circle (now owned by Marriott)

I swear I was just here in California. Oh wait. I was. I flew home last Friday and here I am back again on Sunday. And I am a little annoyed by it all. See...we typically stay at a courtyard or something equal in cost when there is a big group of us traveling together. However last week a few of us were in town for pre-meetings and we stayed at a nice hotel. SO I went ahead and booked a block of rooms for all of this week for a big group of people. And they messed it up but good.

They had me arriving Tuesday night. Leaving Wednesday night. I am actually here now (sunday) and not leaving until Friday. So they are already wrong. I got a speach about how they may not have a room for me all week and may need to send me to another hotel - which is fine. I dont care at this point (note to self NEVER STAYING HERE AGAIN). I get to my room. On the second floor. Right inside from the air conditioning units or the pool filters or god knows what...but they are ugly and it looks like a trailer park out there. HATE THIS ROOM. Oh as a bonus the ceiling is leaking over the second double bed - flaking off onto the floor...very fancy. This room SUCKS. The rate....frightening. Must make it through Friday so I can get out of here.

Travel Revisited

I leave California today to head home. I get home in the late afternoon. I am home approximately a day and then I come back here for a week. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to this... it is sounding like a beating now. I did get upgraded to first class - so that is good, right? Do you think it will make it worth it? Oh no it will not.

Shoes - UPDATED

I bought new black dress shoes last week. I am not really a shoe person, meaning I don’t own a lot of them. I tend to have a pair of black and a pair of brown shoes for summer and then buy winter-appropriate ones in the same colors along with a pair of boots. I will go a few years with a pair of shoes before replacing them. I do tend to go through a few pair of flip flops in a year, but those cannot count…they are cheap and expendable. The dress shoes though – I have determined that they are worth buying nice ones so that they last and stay in style.

So back to the shoes I bought last week. They are this shoe but all black.

They are cute. But holy hell the heels are high. I don’t mean “oh man…my feet are sore” kind of high. I mean “OH MY GOD SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE” kind of high. I wore them for two hours last week and was hurting. But I am stupid, so I brought them to California with me on a business trip – and the only other shoes I brought are made for jogging. Not a good look with business attire. They detract from the skirt. And the cuff links. I still have to suffer through those shoes for another day and I am not really sure how I am going to manage. Today I broke down and bought some inserts for the base of the shoe that is supposed to make them hurt less. By the way – they don’t work.

Right now I am laying in the hotel bed with feet that are cramping worse than a 17 year old girl on her period. (You are welcome for that visual. It comes at no extra charge.) I think I may have permanently damaged something in my feet. Send replacements. Feet – not shoes.


UPDATE:
I did buy new shoes. They are black. Pretty. Not quite as high. I am testing them today in a marathon 12 hour or longer day. Because I am stupid. Will report back because I know that you care.

Sunglasses

I bought new sunglasses. Again. See, I have had this struggle with finding some that worked for me. I had a fairly nice pair for about 3 or 4 years. I didn’t lose them, didn’t scratch them, and was fairly happy with them. And then I put them in the pocket of a running jacket and they went through the wash. They really didn’t function after that. They were scratched and bent, and in general disarray. So began my hunt for new sunglasses.

I started with a cheap pair from a drug store. They were very inexpensive (maybe $10.00). They worked for a day or so while we were at the pool – managing to pretty much block the sun and spare me from squinting in order to avoid burning my eye balls. Then, I began to notice that my vision was distorted while wearing them. Things looked bent or wavy, or something not-quite-right.

While on our trip across the country to Michigan a few weeks ago I gave them to the boys who promptly stepped on them or sat on them, or something else fairly destructive. So on the way back to Texas I picked up another pair at a sporting goods store. That pair was more expensive (maybe $30.00) and was polarized (which they claimed should keep the vision from being distorted). As you can see, I am cheap when it comes to glasses… I just didn’t think I should pay a lot for freaking plastic. Those glasses, however, actually MADE THINGS BRIGHTER. Which – is totally NOT what I was looking for in sunglasses. I wore them about a day and retired them in the same fashion as the previous ones.

While killing time over the weekend while people were invading our home (also known as viewing our now for sale house) we stopped in at another sporting goods store. The boys tried to convince us to let them ride the skateboards they had on display (we did NOT let them – see earlier post on Roark breaking his head as to why we are mean, mean parents) while I looked at sunglasses. Again.

I really only had three requirements: Don’t make things brighter, don’t distort my vision, and cost less than $50.00. It didn’t take very long to find several pair that I liked. However they were all a lot more than $50.00. I have a friend who boasted about his love for Maui Jim’s, so I looked at those and some Oakley’s. HOLY CRAP those things are expensive. Even the cheap ones were way out of my price range. So I figured 2 out of the three requirements filled were not bad, and sucked up the cost. I now own very nice, very very expensive glasses. They had best not disappoint me.

Roark broke his head

His breaking things appears to be a trend at our house. One I hope we can put a stop to soon.

Saturday evening while we were watching the Longhorn football game, the boys were running around the house (literally) acting like three year olds. Dad and Vivian were over, which I am sure had the boys keyed up a notch (as they LOVE Nana and Papa and feel the need to show off around them). I spent much of the day and evening telling them to slow down, be careful, and “stop doing that” – worried that they were going to get hurt. I spend a lot of time worrying about that. And I had just told them to settle down and had finished glaring at Todd as if it was all his fault, when we heard a very loud THUD followed by Roark screaming. He had tripped or tumbled or something – resulting in his head meeting with the corner of a wall, creating a nice little slightly bleeding, gaping crack in his head.

I took one look at his head, imagined him bleeding to death in his sleep (or getting blood on our carpeting) and decided he needed stitches. So – off Todd and I went with Roark to the pediatric after hours place. And this is where it gets kind of funny. They glued his head back together. With super glue. They called it something else, but I swear that is what it was. They simply filled the crack with glue and held it together until it dried. I COULD HAVE DONE THAT MYSELF.

We have spent the last few days trying to keep him fairly calm so that he won’t split it opened again, making stitches a necessity. It has been a pain, especially since he found out we have skateboards in the garage (left over from the girls very quickly passing interest years ago) and want to ride them RIGHT NOW. I just cannot see letting Roark on a freaking skateboard with a broken head.

Bets on what he breaks next? Perhaps next week when we let them near the boards of death?