4.08.2005

What I am doing here...

So what am I thinking about these days?

  • I am eagerly counting the days until I go on maternity leave (T-6 and counting).
  • I am looking online at houses in Austin so that we have some ideas for our house-hunting trip in a few weeks.
  • I am trying to think about all of the things we have to do to our house before we can put it up for sale.
  • I am looking at my husband and wondering how we will be when there are two tiny babies taking up all of our time.
  • I am missing the close physical relationship we had to put on hold when I became pregnant…thinking how long it will be until we are back to that again.
  • I am thinking about what it will be like to have two newborn babies and a house on the market at the same time.
  • I am wishing I had more energy to keep the house clean.
  • I am missing my girls every day that they are not with me.
  • I am missing them now for the times in the future when I will not see them during the week anymore because we are moving.
  • I am looking at our back yard and thinking that it needs serious help…and no, I am not doing anything about it.
  • I am wishing I was allowed to work out like I used to – I miss that tired-because-you-worked-hard feeling.
  • I am thinking about how exciting my new job will be, and how amazed I am that I was offered it.
  • I am doing everything I can to avoid all work-related issues in hopes that they will remain at bay until I am gone and don’t have to do a thing with them.
  • I am considering dinner options during the day only to order out for pizza when dinner time arrives.
  • I am eating HORRIBLY and wondering why I am gaining so much weight during this pregnancy – DUH!
  • I am reading more than I used to.
  • I am laying awake most nights unable to sleep more than 15 minutes straight.
  • I am walking around in a daze and a very grumpy mood during the day – due to not sleeping at night.
  • I am trying to nap, only to find that I Just. Can’t. Sleep.
  • I am wondering how I will occupy my time in 6 days when I am no longer working. Most of my time now is spent avoiding work… once it is not there to avoid, what will I do?
  • I am looking at all the baby stuff and thinking “I should wash all of that and start to get things ready in case I am hospitalized early”. But am I doing anything about it? Hell no.
  • I am reading other pregnancy blogs and looking at belly pictures…comparing the sizes – and I have no idea why.
  • I am feeling my babies grow and move and stretch inside me and constantly thinking how freaky it is to be making babies. Inside me. Holy shit!
  • I am watching my old wonderful figure disappear with each piece of junk I eat.
  • I am trying to walk some every day, only to have each little expedition end in contractions and frustration.
  • I am wondering why I was so intent on going through this whole pregnancy thing again…dear god, do I remember nothing about how hard this was before?
  • I am feeling no motivation to do much but enough boredom to wish I were doing something.
  • I am playing Fantasty Baseball for the first time ever and not doing very well.
  • I am going to my daughters soccer games and marveling at how much she has changed over the past two years, and how grown up she is now.
  • I am listening to my other daughter talk about boys and growing up and wondering how my mother viewed me at this age.
  • I am thinking about the fact that my older daughter is going to be driving this summer and wondering how she grew up so fast.
  • I am looking at college information coming in the mail for the girls and thinking how sad it is going to be when they go away to school.
  • I am thinking about babies, babies, babies, babies – pretty much all the time.