10.12.2004

I am the one who:

  • Has always wanted a father in my life
  • Never quite fit in anywhere
  • Does not like to get very close to people
  • Does not talk about feelings
  • Is afraid to be excited for fear of the ‘big let-down’
  • Wants to have a baby
  • Loves my life
  • Has trouble focusing on large tasks
  • Talks in circles when confused or in over my head
  • Doesn’t like to have secrets
  • Says exactly what I think exactly when I am thinking it
  • Could not be worse at numbers
  • Wants to be so much better at everything than I am at the moment
  • Puts way too much importance on my job
  • Manages to get in way over my head and then I don’t know how to get out of ‘the difficult situation’
  • Does not want to hurt anyone
  • Wants my daughters to be happy
  • Cannot believe what a wonderful life I have and wonder how I ended up with this one...instead of one of the billions of other lives that people end up with
  • Loves to think
  • Can NEVER sleep
  • Gets hurt feelings so easily
  • Has always wanted green eyes and blonde hair
  • Is filled with so much regret
  • Feels little on the inside even though I am an adult on the outside
  • Gets sucked into reading online journals for hours and hours and then is left with swimmy head and no motivation to do much of anything
  • Can procrastinate until the last possible moment
  • Wonders why I do the things I do
  • Pretends I would make many different decisions if I could live my life over again but knows that I would live most of it over again, because the outcome has been worth all of the mistakes
  • Wishes I had finished college
  • Can never picture tomorrow in my head