Proof that Snow Causes Brain Damage

My husband just came inside after walking the dog. I asked how it was out there. His response: Nice. I mean it's not that cold. It is something like 33 degrees.

Hello! We live in Texas. 33 degrees is effing FREEZING here.

All Hail the Purple License Plate!

I recently finished dealing with two speeding tickets that I received inside a two week period late last year. One resulting in defensive driving and a hefty fine. The other resulted in legal fees, a hefty fine, and a promise to behave for 60 days. The common denominator here was HEFTY FINES. And while I don't like parting with my hard-earned money, I have come to accept that I will be doing so, at least periodically, while I am continuing to drive. And because of this, I would like to make a plea to the government...

Let me buy a purple license plate every year. I will display it for all to see. I will pay a HEFTY FINE for said license plate UP FRONT. And in return? I want to be permitted to drive up to 25 miles an hour OVER the posted speed limit (barring school and work zones of course). You will be getting your fine up front, and I will be permitted to drive faster, because I like to. Apparently you are not really concerned about safety (YOU, being the government) because I can receive such penalties as deferred adjudication, where I simply pay you more money and am left alone.

By permitting such a thing, I am saved the hassle of dealing with the tickets (court, paperwork, etc) and the government is saved similar hassles. And? They still get money.

I think it is a fine solution. Please sign me up.