Sending Out a Search Party

Actual conversation overheard at health club:

Damn girl! I won’t be putting no thong on this fat ass… My ass is so big – they would have to send out a search party to find it!


Roark is sitting on the floor at my feet playing with toys (well that and pooping). Cole is standing in the living room trying to throw balls at me…he of course misses every time, but is quite determined so I imagine I will get pegged at any moment. He thinks “Ouch!” is funny. Which it totally is NOT.



Random Stuff (A.K.A – I cannot think clearly and have no desire to write anything creative or even remotely interesting)

My town is supposed to be filled with a “wintry mix” tomorrow. Given that I live in Texas, I am not much of a believer.

I burned my ear with the flat iron a few days ago and now it randomly bleeds all over my hair. Sexy.

No X-Ray results yet on my daughter. They are slow and incompetent. I called the doctor’s office today asking about them, and they didn’t have the results YET. They called me back a few hours later and asked where we had them done. Ummm, the hospital. Where they SENT US. When I told them this, they seemed confused. Where exactly did they expect to go? I now fully expect them to tell us they are lost and would we please go get them done again…lather, rinse, repeat.

I have been so tired the past few days. I have felt amazing the past few weeks overall, and now suddenly feel myself slipping back to yucky, tired, and worn out feeling. What is up with that?

Christmas is upon us and I have done next to nothing in the way of Christmas shopping. I have ordered stuff for my boss, my husband’s boss, and his dad. That is it. I have not done anything beyond that – and I did that stuff yesterday. I have thought about ordering online, but cannot get motivated to do any of it. How doomed am I?

Tonight I am making grilled sausage with sautéed peppers and onions for dinner. I have no idea what else to make with it. Maybe I will serve it with Pop Tarts or Pez. Sounds perfectly nutritious to me.

I am supposed to run today, but have no desire to drag myself outside and actually do it. At the very least I should be going to the gym. You know, we are running in a ½ marathon in 2 weeks and I am just not ready. Luckily we did manage to get in a 10 mile run last weekend, so I am no longer worried that I won’t make the full 13 miles, but I have to admit that the long run about killed me. Who’s idea was this run anyway? Oh yeah…mine. Damnit!

I had sushi from our cafeteria for lunch today. I wish I had not done that. Now my office smells like dead fish and I am still hungry.

Work blows. It is hard. It is VERY thankless. My customer hates me. I have so much work to do, and no time. And yes, I know I have said all this before.

I need a drink. Like a two-bottles-of-wine drink, or a six-pack drink. Not just a silly little one-drink drink. Does that mean I have a problem? If I recognize that it is a problem, can I still continue to drink? If not, forget I mentioned that.

And finally cute picture of the day:


My Daughter, My Son

My daughter has a back ache. She has had it for a long time. It won’t go away and it is scaring me a little bit. We had x-rays taken, but we have not gotten the results. Apparently we don’t rank on the doctor’s list. This is a bit of a pain when you are a parent and you want to fix things, like NOW. Hopefully we will hear back today. She is on pain killers now, after having been on muscle relaxants (none of which are helping even a little bit).

My son has a bruised face. He got it yesterday. Do you want to know how this happened? My sweet, lovable black lab bit him. We don’t know why. He was being supervised. The dog has never shown aggression toward the boys. He was not being abused, hurt, neglected. He just decided to take a bite out of Roark’s face… We think his leg that had TPLO surgery last year is hurting him, and when Roark touched it Shiner freaked out. So – to the doggie doctor we must go. If he is not hurt or sick, we are going to involve a dog trainer. If he has no behavior issues, we are going to consider giving him away…which makes me very, very sad. And – if we give away Shiner, we will give away Zieggy too, and wait until the boys are older to have pets. I love my dogs and I wish that this had never happened.


My Boys:

I look at you sleeping at night and I am amazed that you even exist. Your perfect faces, your tiny fingers and toes, your beautiful eyelashes are all works of art. I see myself and your father in the things that you say and do. You have personalities already and although sometimes undesirable, I love your actions and reactions to things that go on in this wild house.

Before you were born, your father and I would spend time talking about having a child someday. We never discussed more than one – knowing pregnancy was not where I was a Viking. I would imagine a little boy or girl in our lives, laughing, teaching us, driving us crazy (ok, crazier) – but I never imagined the joy that the two of you have brought us. To have you both, healthy and happy is a miracle in every definition possible.

I cannot wait to see you grow up. Watch you discover your likes and dislikes, plan your future, embark on great adventures. I cannot wait to meet the adult men that are now my little boys.

I want you to know that no matter what decisions you make in your life, no matter what you say or do – I will always, always love you. I will do everything I can to give you a good life full of support and love and understanding. I want you to have the opportunity to fulfill your dreams.

I love you so much.



Let Me Count the Ways

I didn’t expect this to have the effect on me that it has. Sure, it was a sad story. Yes, it was one that kept me reading and feeling like I wanted to help if possible… but I didn’t ever expect it to seep into the crevices of my thoughts and heart and change my thinking, change me in the way that it has. My heart goes out to this family in a way I cannot describe and I cannot even explain why. Why has this affected me so deeply? Why has it changed my outlook on life? Why has it changed my feelings about my own family?

I was thinking about AT and his kids and the loss of his wife this weekend. I was so in awe of his love for her, and his ability to express it when she was sick, dying, and then after she passed away. I found myself telling complete strangers about the way he was able to articulate his feelings…it was that moving to me. And as I thought about this, I wondered why we tend to wait until people are sick, dying, or dead to tell them how we feel. I am not sure why we don’t invest more in our relationships while they are alive, growing and able to become better and better… Why do you think that is? Why do we take our relationships for granted?

I am going to *try* not to do this. I want to let those close to me know how I feel while we are healthy and alive. I want to make these relationships the best that they can be – and want those that I love to know how I feel. I want to make a difference in their lives while they have a chance to recognize and enjoy it.


Delayed Driving

So I am out of town and it is everything I hoped it would be. Plane left late in a whirlwind (literally) – having some of the worst windy weather on record in Dallas. Many flights were cancelled and MANY MANY delayed. Mine was extremely late. Figures. I got into Baltimore and had missed my two meetings, at which point I spent over two hours traveling a distance that should have taken just over an hour. Bad traffic and a closed highway made that a fun drive. This is all typical for me when traveling. I have a co-worked that always gets hit with bad luck, but I do believe my experiences run a nice second to his.

Driving to the hotel last night, in my usual “in a hurry, god would you FREAKING HURRY UP” fashion, I realized that I am never calm, at peace or content when driving. I am always in such a mad hurry to get where I am going and am continually irritated with anyone else on the road that has the potential to be in my way. I am not sure why I am like that. The time in the car could be relaxing, an escape. But I don’t ever look at it that way. When this finally dawned on me I settled down, sat back and enjoyed the scenery. Then – it got dark and I slipped back in to “get me the hell off the road mode”. Perhaps there is no hope for me.


Freak Out

I have access to this site maintained by the school system that my kids are students in. I can log in at any time and see their past and current grades in any class, and can drill down to grades on each assignment. I must say that I am FREAKING GLAD THIS WASN’T AROUND WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL. Now my kids have the potential to get chewed out on a daily basis vs. once every 6 weeks. I know that they regret me telling me about this and wish they had never mentioned it. I would have found out eventually, but they may have been granted a little more peace until then. I don’t want to embarrass them here and tell you current standings, but lets just say that we are in discussions at this very minute as to 1) what in the hell have you been doing for the past 2 weeks and 2) how do you fail your mother tongue?

No Progress

I just realized when reading through stuff from last year that I have made NO PROGRESS on my weight loss plan. NONE. This is sad. I feel like I have worked at it...and yet, not so much. Damn lack of progress.

Travel Advisory

I have to travel over the next few days – and for those of you who know me, you know how much I hate to travel for work. I am the biggest baby when it comes to this – the worlds most pathetic homebody. I miss being with the boys and my husband. I miss my bed and my family and my office. I miss everything about being home and hate when I am not here...

I am Lucky

So many things have happened lately in the world that make me reflect on my life, on my family and on my unbelievable luck. I have healthy kids, a wonderful husband, a steady job – I am (mostly) sane, I have reliable care for the boys during the day, the girls go to good schools, we have enough money to live comfortably.

I look at my boys and I know that I am a good parent. They are happy people. They smile, they laugh, they have a sense of humor. They are starting to talk and mimic me and I like what I see. They are not running around yelling “NO NO NO” all day. They tell you about rocks and outside and flowers. They talk about the doggie and kitty and their toys. They pretend to be talking to people on the phone and they always seem so completely…content. It is nice. Don’t get me wrong – they have their stubborn and obnoxious moments (hours), but overall they are happy wonderful kids.

I look at my girls and I know that I am a good parent. When they are with me they are happy. They laugh, they smile, they joke around. They enjoy being with the family and love talking to me – either in person, on the phone or via text messages. They like playing games and going camping with us – enjoy being around us most of the time. They are of course teenagers and have that wonderful attitude that generally accompanies that age, but overall we are happy together.

I look at my husband and I know how truly lucky I am. He is my rock when times are tough. He is my source of humor when the days are long and difficult. He really is my best friend – and he is hot too (lucky me).

I look at my life and I know I am lucky.


Hazy Morning, Lingering Dream

I had this dream early this morning and it was so real…real enough that I have thought about it ever since. When I was running this morning I just couldn’t get it out of my head – and yet… I cannot remember really what it was about. Does that ever happen to you?



The boys are sitting here eating lunch “aye-yah aye-yah uh, uh, uh” followed by giggles rings through the kitchen. The dogs are laying under the high chairs expecting to get fed any and all leftovers. Macaroni and cheese and bananas cover their trays, and their hands and faces. Todd is reading strange news and eating lunch. As I sit here typing this, I am thinking how lucky I am. What a wonderful life I have. I am so grateful for every moment with this family – for every weekend we have together. Later today we are going running in one of my favorite places – River Legacy Parks in Ft. Worth. Then we will head over to Todd’s dad’s house and spend the night playing cards, drinking wine and watching the boys get into trouble. It will be a perfect day.

The Dead Guy ALWAYS Wins

Don't tell me people pay attention to who they are voting for.

This guy was dead for a MONTH and he still won the election... that is funny.


Horrible and Amazing

What would you do if your spouse was in the hospital, sicker than you could have ever imagined – and nobody knew what was wrong? Would you keep your sense of humor? Would you blog through the day to keep everyone updated on what was happening? Would you continue to be a kick-ass parent taking care of the kids and house and everything else that happens in daily life while your world crumbles around you?

Take a look at this. The struggle is horrible, the composure and passion amazing. My heart goes out to this family.


I am Shallow

There is, no lie, a man who has a cube outside my office whos name is Jesus. I find myself resisting the urge to whisper prayers as I walk by on my way to a meeting.

I Will NEVER Forgive You

Although I know that being unforgiving sucks the life energy out of a person, there are a few people whom I have never forgiven.

I have not forgiven my mother - for accusing me of taking her credit card and using it at an expensive restaurant when I was 17. As it turned out, it was her co-worker who had not received her renewal yet, and had used my mom’s for a business luncheon in a tight bind.

I have not forgiven the Pepper’s – they locked me in the basement of their house while babysitting for me when I was no more than 4 years old. I wouldn’t take a nap so they put me in the basement, shut off the lights and locked the door to the upstairs – after telling me that the boogie man lived down there. I believe this is why I am still afraid of basements.

I have not forgiven these people – although I admit that I can’t even remember their name. I cannot imagine what kind of bully the boy grew up to be based on his demeanor at age 6.

I have not forgiven Allen Crawford - a former boss that hit on me. I had not been in a situation like that before. It completely ruined my image of authority figures and for the first time made me really, really hate my job. Interestingly enough, this has happened several times since then, but that time was the first, therefore is the receiver of the bulk of my anger. I think the difference is that now I am prepared for it – am more mature and have a lot of experience behind me. This makes it easier to diffuse these situations when/if they do arise.

I have not forgiven myself – for many, many, many mistakes I have made over the years. No matter what happens in my life it seems that it is hardest to forgive myself.



I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon and I worked out. Yeah me. I also went running this morning and set a recent record, 53 minutes. I am in trouble as I have a ½ marathon to do in December and am not even close to ready for it. I should be up to an hour and a half at LEAST by now, or 2 hours if I were well prepared…oh, that is going to hurt.

I do have to say that the run today felt fantastic. I have not really run more than 1/2 hour in a while...blame sickness, laziness, whatever - but it just hasn't happened. Today it was in the 40s and foggy...which made the landscape interesting. It was cool enough to feel cold at first but warm up to a great temp after I got used to it. Nothing hurt, breathing was easy - it was just a good run overall...and this all on top of 3 hours of sleep last night!


About the 3 hours of sleep... lets just say that Cole is teething and is not much himself these days.


I didn’t vote today. I suppose I feel slightly guilty, yet at the same time I know that my vote would be wasted. I have not done the due diligence needed to make any type of intelligent decision about who our leaders should be, and I am directly opposed to voting straight ticket of any kind. I think that shows complete ineptitude. I am not a fan of supporting stupidity – so I waived my rights today. What would you do if you had not done the research to know who to vote for? Would you vote anyway, feeling as though doing something is better than nothing? Would you cram for the vote and stay up all night studying candidates and options? Or would you just not go?


Operation Isn’t It About Time To Finally Lose The Damn Post-Baby Weight

Right now I am contemplating going to the Gym in order to support Operation Isn’t It About Time To Finally Lose The Damn Post-Baby Weight, and leaning unhealthily toward “stay here and keep reading nonsense”. I have the time, I am only a few blocks away. The boys are asleep. I won’t be missing a thing…and yet, and yet… here I still am. I know I NEED to go, but I DON’T WANNA. Why is that? And, as I sit here I am staring down two overfilled laundry baskets full of clean clothes just begging to be folded and put away (and there is another one downstairs in the laundry room if you must know the truth – GOD you are pushy). I know I need to fold it, but I don’t. The bathroom is a mess and needs to be cleaned. Our bedroom needs to be vacuumed. There are a million things that I really need to do, and yet I sit here and read the news and read email and avoid all contact with responsibility. So – now. Here. For all 5 of you to read is a complete rip-off of my husband’s 2006 New Year’s Resolution. I now resolve NOT TO BE LAZY. From here on out, I will not spend the day looking forward to sleeping. I will no longer let the laundry pile up, the dirt take over the house and the bed go unmade for days (ok, weeks – it is weeks). I will get off my ass and go to the gym, and keep the house clean and weed the flower beds. I will work during work time and contribute to the living.

I will start right now by going to the gym. Damn gym.

My Working Life

Do you have those days (weeks, months) where you don’t enjoy work anymore? Where it has somehow become this “have to” that sucks the will to live right out of you? You will do anything to avoid it – to stay clear of that responsibility so that you don’t get pulled down into the depression that it seems to rain on you?

Yeah – work is that fun.



We spent 20 minutes wrangling two toddlers into skeleton costumes for 10 minutes of trick-or-treating. Not sure it was worth it.

To Do or Not to Do

What am I putting off right now?

  • Getting old amalgam fillings replaced (dentist = torture and pain)
  • A serious review of our budget (if I ignore it, will it go away?)
  • Getting the windshields in the cars replaced (3 months and counting)
  • Cleaning my bedroom
  • Annual girly exam (don’t count on this happening anytime soon)
  • Cleaning the garage (oh I make me laugh)
  • Cleaning the laundry room
  • Work, work, work

Changing Seasons

It is finally cold outside. The summer is over and fall is in full-swing here. This may be the first time I have been thrilled to see the changing seasons. Is that a sign of getting old? I used to hate the changing seasons – I would live for summer, spending all day baking in the sun. I cursed spring, fall and winter until summer arrived again. When I moved to Texas it was like a slice of heaven…it never snowed, it was hot, hot, hot most of the year, and I reveled in the wonderfulness of it. Times have changed. I have changed. Here it goes: I like the cold too. That wasn’t so bad.